Post # 1
Alright, so yesterday I spend a good part of the day talking to my FI’s cousin’s husband. They have been maried for almost 7 months and have a 1 year old and another child on the way. Yesterday while we were talking we spent quite a few hours talking about sex and what we liked that our SO’s don’t and visa versa. There was no mention of us wanting to sleep with each other though he did mention that he thinks I’m “smokin hott!” Other than that it was just like the conversations I had with other guy friends when we were both single. Thinking about it now, I wonder if his wife or my FI would consider it cheating. He said what size breasts he likes (which I happen to fall in his range) but other than that we didn’t talk about each others bodies and just left it as a casual conversation.
I know that I don’t see anything happening between us and think of it as a fun way to get to know a friend…I just wonder about other people. He said it was exciting to tell me I was hott and I made a point to tell him that if he ever tried to cheat on his wife (my FI’s cousin) that I would be mad at him and possibly hunt him down and hurt him to which he replied that he would never do such a thing but was having fun just talking about things we normally wouldn’t. We both know that cheating is out of the question and talking about it just made me feel like I was back in high school talking to my guy friends before I met my FI. In this case, we were both specifically mentioning our SO’s and stopped talking so he could go watch a movie with his wife and son and so I could feed my baby and make my FI dinner.
Would you consider that cheating or not? We don’t but I want to see how many do.
Post # 3
Not cheating but totally inappropriate and disrespectful. You’re family members; you do not discuss cheating or how “hott” you think the other one is.
Post # 4
yuk yuk and yuk! I second ohheavenly day
Post # 5
I wouldn’t call it physically cheating, but I wouldn’t call it appropriate, either. If you think it would upset your FI or your cousin’s wife, I would stop. Personally, I would consider it disrespectful. If I heard my FI talking like that to another woman, I would want to re-evaluate our relationship boundaries.
ETA: I was trying to be calm in this post, but I think I was perhaps a little too zen. If I heard FI talking like that to another woman, I would want to kill him. I’m non-violent, but I would still want to!
Post # 6
it’s totally inappropriate.
you don’t need to talk about what your spouse likes — that belongs in the marriage bed. and the comment he made about you being “hott” is gross.
Post # 7
Totally inappropriate. Would you be ok with your FI telling another girl that he thought she was smoking hot and describing how much he likes cup size X, which just so happens to be her cup size? Not cool in my book.
Post # 8
I don’t think it is cheating but definitely dangerous behavior that could lead to cheating. Though you may not consider it bad and say it is just playful, there is a reason you posted it here instead of asking your FI. I think it is inappropriate and though cheating is out of the question for you now, who knows with further prodding what could come of conversations like that. I know that if my FI ever found out that I was having a convo like that he might be a little cautious but it would be all over once he knows the guy said i was smoking hot! And I would be pissed if he were that inappropriate if someone I knew was having a conversation like that with my FI and more so because FI was allowing it to continue!
Post # 9
I’m going to have to agree whole-heartedly to the PP’s. The conversation should have never happened and the fact that it did is completely inappropriate and 120% disrespectful. If you don’t think it’s wrong in any way, why post it on wedding bee asking what we think? Or for that matter, why even discuss it with your FI’s cousin’s husband?
How would you feel if you knew your FI was having conversations like this with another woman? Married or not? And be honest with yourself. Because to me, seems like you were enjoying this conversation and all it’s comments a little too much.
Post # 10
Ugh, same; if FH’s brother told me I was smoking hott and his preferred cup size is, like mine, a -A (LOLOL) I’d be so grossed out.
Post # 11
Totally inappropraite in my book. What I like and don’t like IMO is between my DH and I and I don’t feel he or anyone else should be discussing that. Sorry, I don’t get to know my friends that way…
Post # 12
Agreed with pps. Not cheating, but disrespectful yes, very. When in doubt, I always stop to take a look at it from DH’s perspective, or in this case even from the cousins’ wife’s. Even if there was no concern over infidelity for them, I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate their sexual limitations or dislikes being discussed out of context and openly with people who really have no need or business to know this.
Post # 13
Not cheating. Inappopriate, [as you are family], disrespectful towards your spouse.
Post # 14
It isnt cheating but that doesnt make it wrong. It is really inappropriate and disrespectful (as PPs have said) to be having this conversation with another man, especially one that is so close to you (aka your freakin future husbands COUSIN IN LAW) Its not that hard to realize that this conversation should not be had with a member of the opposite sex. I dont care if its your best friend in the world who happens to be a guy – its not okay!!
Post # 15
Here is a good gauge for you….
Would you two engage in this EXACT same conversation in front of your SOs? Highly doubt it!!! Completely disrespectful.
Post # 16
@ohheavenlyday: Oh my God. I mean really!? I would have a mini-gross-out-break-down and then immediately tell FI about all the creepy mc-creepiness that just took place! I was almost pissed in her FI’s defense!
And after reading OP’s previous threads, I don’t think this is the first time things like this have crossed her mind. Hence the screen name.