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I think you should do what you want to do. One thing I discovered while planning was that I was so busy wondering about what others would think and what others liked that I lost sight of what I wanted. Me and my fiancee have decided that anyone who isnt contributing to our wedding doesnt get any say in how it goes. Aside from our close family and friends, Ive really decided to not include anyone else in my decision making process. At the end of the day its your wedding,your special day and you have to do what makes YOU happy!
@LucybrideTO: Thanks! It is definitely a hard decision to make at this point. What makes it harder is there may not be a perfect answer :(
You're right, that's a hard situation and there may be no perfect answer. The absolute most important thing to take into consideration is what will make you and your FH the happiest; what will be best for the two of you. If he really wants a wedding, will he resent you later for not having one, even if you arrive at the decision mutually?
It sounds like you have a beautiful ceremony set up, I really love how unique and meaningful your alternative to a bridal party is! Wedding planning is really difficult and family can be really difficult. The combination is not pretty. As PP said, if people want to complain, they can pay for the wedding.
When your FMIL is speaking to you again, things might start to look up. I don't know why she isn't, but that is a fence that will need to be mended eventually (she's his mother) so he might want to consider trying to do it before the wedding if it's a situation where he can possibly do something towards mending it (even if it's just picking up the phone and saying, "Mom, you're being ridiculous and hurtful"). If you have a wedding and she's not there, it will really upset him. This is another consideration for whether you should elope; will she hold it against you? Will your own family? I can imagine her arguing that you cheated her out of going to her son's wedding and blaming it all on you, and if you think that can happen, I think you're going to have to figure out how to be diplomatic about explaining your actions to her.
Good luck, I know this is really difficult. You two just hang onto eachother and remember that you love eachother and that whatever you decide, nothing can change that.
I think your ideas are all valid. The absolute last thing you want for your wedding is a day of obligation...to look around and see people you feel indifferent towards (or who feel that way towards you), flowers a cousin just had to see as your centerpieces, food you don't even like...etc. If your families are weighing you down do something YOU want. It's your day! If they can't respect that and support you, then they're not really the kind of people who should've been invited in the first place. I know it gets hard and tricky when family is involved but you have to remember this is a HUGE day for the 2 of you...you can't let issues like that get in the way. The only things that should be stressing you out are the rental companies having the wrong color table cloths and the caterer not being able to serve for a decent price.
YIKES! Yeah I'd probably elope too... the day is mostly about you celebrating with family not people coming with checklists judging what you did and did not do well in your wedding. Maybe just switch it to a "Destination Wedding" and then people wont have to be hurt, they'll just have to add one more thing to the list and if that's their attitude, you wouldn't have wanted them there anyway...
I'm sorry but when people EVEN FAMILY are rude and selfish towards and event that is supposed to be so beautiful and supportive, you are better off without them!
Is there anything you would miss/possibly later regret, by not having the wedding ceremony you've already planned? For me, one example: it's really important to me for my Dad to be able to walk me down the aisle (with his past health history, it's a blessing he'll be able to), and to do our father/daughter dance. (And yes, we also considered eloping after a major family blow-up, but I realized there are too many people and things I would miss out on, that I'd really like to have at our wedding)
I think your ceremony sounds lovely- I love what you're doing with your "attendants." How does your FI feel about eloping? Are there things that he would miss?
Hi! I just wanted to give some updates - we eloped 2/23/2012! :) It was the best decision we made for ourselves and our relationship. We wouldn't have did it any differently. Now looking back on it we would have definitely regretting continuing with the wedding for multiple reasons. I don't know why the pulling of the tigger was so hard. :P
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Hi Bees,
I really need your advice / help on the current situation. My FH and I are really thinking about cancelling the wedding. The cancelation of the wedding has nothing to do with us not wanting to get married or being together. Honestly we simply want to take the financial loss with deposits and elope. I could go through the whole story about why we are feeling this way, but the story would go on and on. I will put a few points down while trying to condense them.
Thank you in advance for all your help!
- First I never really wanted a wedding in the first place, but my FH wanted to do so for his family (he was really close with his aunts when he was younger). So we talked a lot about it and decided to go a semi-traditional route. After that I did start to get excited about the idea of having both sides of the family involved in the planning and just to have a special day for us. However, it has became no where near that! My future mother inlaw has been treating us very poorly, which to me was a surprise but to the rest of the family I guess it is not un-normal for her to treat people like this. She actually has not talked to us in months, no longer is contributing anything to the wedding financially or emotionally. She also was suppose to do our Save the Dates and Invitations (which she volunteered to do, because that is her type of thing) and when she stopped talking to us...she also left us hanging with the Save the Dates. We were forced to rush around and try to find someone to design them in a month of when we wanted to get them out.
Not only is the issue of my future mother inlaw weighing on us, but everyone is both of our families seem to add their 2 cents everywhere because we are not having the complete traditional wedding. We are doing a small intimate ceremony with only the immediate family memeber. We are not having bridemaids or groomsman, but rather we each have a couple on the side of us that is the couple. It is to resemble our closest couple we look up to, to find guidance of what we want to strive for in our marriage. However, each family seems to be upset about the ceremony choice and that we are having it where we live...which may I add is the same distance between my family and his. An hour drive for both!
I am not close with my extended family, so honestly I don't think a lot of them will come. Or at least not come in a supporting / loving manner, but rather forced or obligated.
What do you think? Should we elope and go on a great honeymoon with the $ we have already saved??