Cancel the wedding and elope?

posted 3 years ago in Elopement
Post # 2
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Strawberryshmoo:  If I were in your shoes, I would not allow my FMIL to tell me to host a wedding I didn’t want, cost aside. I think the easist way to tell them you’re not going through with it is by saying: “It’s not something we can afford at this time, I hope you’re not too disappointed but expect you to understand. Maybe down the road we will have a big wedding.” There is no use in you stressing about it and doing something you don’t even want, and I am sure you will be so relieved. 

Post # 3
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Do it…elope. It makes the most sense.  I think your decision is a good one.  You have to be very strong and stand up with your FI to your FMIL.  The key is to be sure you present a united front with your FI to whoever might try to convince you otherwise.  If it’s ultimately what you and your FI want to do, then you should do it.  

Post # 4
Member
7 posts
Newbee

Unless she’s going to foot the bill, she’s in absolutely no place to tell you to have a big wedding. It should be all about what you and your FI want. Like Karmagirl said, make sure that you and your FI are united in standing up to your FMIL. If either of you waver, she’ll pounce.

Post # 5
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Tell her the truth, that you have had unexpected expenses due to illness and that you and your FI have decided to do your wedding the way you originally wanted. By no means should you go into debt paying for her vision of a wedding. 

Post # 6
Member
187 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Villa Celeste

My fiance and I felt pressure when we first started planning 2 years ago, we’ve been engaged for four. Neither of us have ever been married and really had no clue about what to do. At that point my mom and mother in law seemed to lead us in a certain direction. We put a down payment on a venue and had a guest list topping 300. It was obscene and it didn’t take us long before we realized we wanted no part of the wedding we were planning. Fast forward and we are renting out a property in Mexico with our closest family and friends, and not once have I felt stressed or upset about it since we made the change. 

Don’t let anyone dictate how you spend your day. A wedding is a celebration of two people, you and your FI, and should be exactly how you envision it. I understand how hard it can be feeling pressure from your family, but you’ll feel better knowing you saved the money and did what you wanted, opposed to going through with something that feels lukewarm.

When we told my mother and MIL, they were a bit shocked, and wanted to know our reasons for the change. We told them, that this new idea was more “us” and that we felt this is what would make us happy. If you come from a place of love, and try to get them to see your perspective, I find that really helps. Personally, your idea of eloping sounds fantastic, and much less stressful. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  erw4338.
Post # 7
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

I say you just elope! i would rather be debt free!! 🙂 me & my husband also did the same! No big wedding, just signed papers and got married 2 years now and we are still happy that we made that choice. We are young, so we didn’t have much saved plus no one else would pay for our wedding, so it was the best choice.  

Post # 9
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would say do it. Unless your FMIL is prepared to pay for the wedding she wants, there is no reason why you should not have the wedding YOU and your FI want, it’s your guys’ day not anyone elses!

Post # 11
Member
6890 posts
Busy Beekeeper

This is why I’m not a fan of mass mailed STDs. Of course you should not overextend yourself, but you need to individually let the people who received these know that the reception has been postponed due to unforeseen circumstances. 

Post # 13
Member
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN

Strawberryshmoo:  If it is easier for you and to avoid going into debt I definitely recommend calling it off and making it a smaller affair.

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