Post # 1
My parents are, sooo generously, paying for about 90% of this wedding. We’re two months out, I’m stressed about it, and in a conversation last night, Dad says “Haven’t you eloped yet? Why don’t you just take the money and cancel the wedding?”
Whaaa….??? ONLY b/c I didn’t know it was an option. Apparently it is. I’m in grad school, in debt, and can’t afford to go to the dentist, for heaven’s sake. On the flip side, it will be a beautiful wedding, and multiple people have already bought plane tickets, but it’s few enough that we could just have them at a tiny ceremony, and buy dinner afterwards, and still have enough money to go to the dentist. 🙂
What would YOU do in this situation? Invites are supposed to go out today.
Post # 3
Do you want the big wedding, or would you prefer the smaller ceremony wit your immediate family and the people who can’t get refunds on plane tickets? If you’d prefer to have the smaller ceremony and take the money and run, then go for it! Be sure to look at your contracts with any vendors, to see if you can get back your deposits (ask them- it doesn’t hurt to try). Even if you can’t get back all your deposits, it might still be worth it to cancel and follow your dad’s suggestion- if that’s what you want. However, if you’d prefer a bigger ceremony you may regret making this decision later. Talk to your FI, and decide what you’d like to do as a couple.
Post # 4
I don’t know… at this point surely you’ve booked a lot of vendors, so you’ll lose a lot of money. Plus, you never know who has booked airfare, hotels, etc.- what if you miss someone for your small ceremony? I say it’s too close to the date to make any major changes.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t. It sounds like people have made a committment to attending your wedding and I would stick with what you planned. It’s too close to the date to drastically change things IMO.
Post # 6
If you lose money on deposits, it’s kinda not YOUR money right? Honestly, I’d cancel the wedding to have the very small intimate ceremony and take the money. I really loved my wedding day, and I love that everyone in attendance had a FANTASTIC time. But I know too how much I spent and where else that money could have gone. If you’ll still be getting married anyway, and you’re still inviting those few people who’ve purchased tickets, then I say elope! ELOPE!!! (I think maybe this is a viewpoint I would never have had until AFTER my wedding, and now I can see more clearly what actually means something, and what doesn’t…) The big party/reception? It’s nice but what will always carry the meaning is the ceremony.
Post # 7
In theory, I think taking the money sounds like a great idea. You’ll have money to live off of, or better yet, to save for a house or any other big venture. But, I am afraid you’d miss out. Years from now, you might regret not having the bigger wedding. And your parents/family might too. There’s obviously something special about having a day that is all about you as a couple. You won’t have a chance at that ever again. So, I vote for keeping the wedding as is.
Post # 8
I think you will end up losing a lot of the money in deposits. And people won’t be happy about losing their airfare (which is incredibly hard to change if not impossible). If you want a wedding, I think you will be sad later that you never got one. Maybe could you cut down on some expenses and have your dad pay you the difference?
Post # 9
my parents gave me that option too, they said you can have x amount of money (the amount they spent on my brother’s big wedding) and do what you want with it. my husband wanted a big wedding, i wanted to elope. so we comprimised and had a small wedding at home, and now we have lots of money in the bank! not as much as we would if we eloped, but i loved our wedding and i know my husband did too so i’m ok with it.
i don’t think anyone can tell you what to do for this, people have different priorities. some people will want a big wedding or they’re regret it. others, not so much.
Post # 10
I can see why your torn on this – there are great reasons to go either way. On the one hand, if people bought plane tickets thinking this would be a big wedding slash family or college reunion, and then you tell them it’s only going to be a handful of people, they could be upset and dissapointed. Afterall, if you’re a struggling grad student, some of your guests are too and if they put their “dentist money” towards a plane ticket, you want to honor that. Ditto for anybody who’s bought bridesmaid’s dresses and groomsmen tuxes.
But if you (and your FI) really don’t want a big wedding, and would rather have an initimate ceremony and pay down some debt, that’s really important, too. If you’re spending money on something important to you, its well spent, but if it’s on something that doesn’t matter, then it’s wasted. And we all know weddings do cost a lot of money. Just make sure you’re doing what you and your FI really want, and you’re not cancelling something that’s important to you because you’re burned out from looking at too many invitation proofs and flower mock ups, or going through with something because that’s “just what people do”.
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2010 - Indiana Memorial Union
I would say elope! if you weren’t so far along in planning and 2 months from the wedding. Are there extra details you can at least cut for the savings?
Post # 12
I would cut my guest list down to the people you are sure have not purchased tickets. But I will warn you that it may turn into a logistical nightmare. I don’t know your situation but are there people (aka Grandma or Best friend) that you would want there that you would now be cutting?
Post # 13
Thanks so much for all of your thoughts! It’s so good to bounce these things off other brides. 🙂
I also bounced it off my best friend this morning (since I first posted this), and she made the good point that we both have jobs secured post-graduation. Jobs that will pay well enough to pay off our debts in a year or two… And the wedding budget is probably the median of what folks here on the ‘bee spend(~$10K), so while it would let me go to the dentist and pay for a kick-ass honeymoon, it won’t make a big difference in the long run.
Also, we haven’t invited any extraneous people. The wedding will be about 100 people, and they’re all either family or close friends. These are people that I’d want to be there with or without the big party, you know? And @Chicat, you have a good point – people have spent their “dentist” money on tickets, and to replace a wedding with a dinner out, when they’ve traveled across the country, is perhaps not so good.
I guess I’m a tiny bit upset because I was JUST offered this option, you know? Everything important is in place, basically we have to mail the invitations, buy the rest of the booze, get the wedding license and show up. But if I was given this option 4 months earlier (pre-STD’s being mailed), I probably would have taken it, or done what you did, @Artbee. That sounds about perfect. 🙂
Oh well. I guess I shouldn’t complain about getting a lovely wedding, huh? Thanks y’all!