Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2015 - Diplomat Country Club
So for a little back story….
I’ve been married for 3 years (got married at the JOP because his visa was expiring and we had been together for 3 years so it made sense to get married at the JOP so he could get his residency and later on plan a big church wedding) Since we’ve got married i’ve been planning the church and everytime things get serious like either finding the place and about to put a deposit he wishes to postpone. Now I’m catholic my family is catholic he says he’s christian but not affiliated with any church his mom is muslum and dad christian. Being Catholic until I’m married in a church with my dad walking me down the aisle I don’t feel married at all and i’ve explain that to him and he said he understand but it’s the time. He always find an excuse to postpone this wedding. Now we are 3 years later and I just had a baby 3 months ago at first it was postpone to December so i can get back in shape now we were suppose to have Next july but yet again here he is saying to postpone it until December 2013, like WTF?
For the past 2 years we’ve been arguing because 2 years ago he decided he doesn’t want to live in the US he wants us to live where he’s from in Africa, I was against it of course the furthest i’ve been to my family was 3 hr flight thats it now to to be in another continent? with no friends or family not happening. We broke up i was in the process of filling for divorce but I love him I was willing to do this only if we were financially stable enough for me to be at least able to come back and visit my family once a year he agreed so he left to go look for a job i stayed behind and for the past 2 years i’ve seen 4 times and everytime i’ve had to pay the 2k plane ticket for him to come. He has yet to start his “job” he joined the army there and after all this time he is now in the physical testing phase, seriously??? No matter what i say or do he refuses to come back here he wants us to go there and i’ve told him until we have the church wedding i’m not moving. I’m always sacrificing myself, my needs for what he wants, i shouldn’t have to argue with him for him to marry at church. He says for me to come and when he is financially ready we’ll have the wedding i’m like no if i go we will never have this wedding cause he will continue to find an excuse not to have it and we won’t be able to afford it, right now we can do with my salary and my parents help we can have it, even with my salary alone.
I’m so annoyed at this point. We’ve been together 7 years and for 7 years i’ve felt like i get the shorter end of the stick for 7 years i’ve tried to leave and he would do everything to win me back and then it’s back to same crap again. Me feeling unappreciated, me feeling like i’m not important to him. I deserve better than this, why do i stay? I don’t know and now we have a 3 month old and i grew up with both my parents I don’t know how i can have her grow up without the both of us 24/7 but at the same time should i make the sacrifice? should i suck it up? I’m lost so lost i don’t know anymore
Just needed to vent i don’t think there is a solution to all of this
Post # 3
Red flags all over the place on this one. He doesn’t seem to care nearly as much as you do. Stay near your family. File for divorce. Something fishy is going on here.
Post # 4
I would move to be close to your family. It would be tough to raise a child in another country with a husband who is away all the time. (I’m assuming being in the army there is like being in the army in the US where you are stationed somewhere or on active duty and can’t be with your family like you would if you had another job.) I don’t want to tell you to file for divorce because that is a big decision you need to make for yourself. I don’t think I could stay married, but I’m not a part of your relationship so I really can’t make a good judgement. Do the best you can to raise your child and let your parents help if they offer to.
Post # 5
I know that you seem to have since resolved this with your husband in the last day, but I still think you should think about it some more. I agree with @bunnyharriet: there is something about this situation that is not sitting well with me. I’m hesistant to tell anyone to get a divorce, but it might be appropriate in this situation. Your daughter will be better off with your friends and family around her than in Africa with a potentially absentee father, without supports for you. I hope you choose whatever you feel is right for you!
Post # 6
I think for your own good, and your baby’s you should just leave the guy.. He doesn’t want anything serious, sounds like he’s afraid to commitment and that’s why he’s always postponing things up, but come OOON! You have 7 years together, married for about 3, a 3 months baby.. And yet he wants to postpone till’ December 2013?!WTH!!
Not right in any way!
Post # 7
It sounds like there are some serious cultural differences between how you see marriage and your future as a wife, and how he sees the same. Plus, you come from countries that are thousands of miles apart but neither of you wants to be separated from your families. I think you need to resolve these things before your marriage can be successful. If you each want completely opposite things, how will you make it work without one of you feeling completely disappointed?
Post # 8
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
Just like you’d miss your family by moving to Africa, don’t you think he misses his? He’s also sacrificing time away from you & his new daughter. I think the ‘church wedding’ is the least of your concerns right now. You don’t seem happy & it doesn’t sound like either of you want to compromise where to live (& I soooooo don’t blame you), but if you do end things with your husband, what about your daughter? Think really hard about this. What is location worth to you & how will it affect your lives & relationship in the future if somebody has to settle :/. I really wish you the best of luck & sincerely hope thimgs work out for you & your family :]
Post # 9
Agree with the other Bees…
Sooo many RED FLAGS here (one of which is you’ve only seen him 4x in the last 2 years)… not to mention that you seem to be carrying this relationship financially !!
I would not go there… and I sure has heck wouldn’t take my baby there.
There is the aspect that asscherlover: mentioned… if he is in the Military, he’ll be stationed somewhere. You’ll no doubt end up living with his Relatives… and due to Immigration Laws, fully dependent on them because you won’t be able to work (in most countries foreigners cannot work)… OR they on you… sucking off the fact that they know you have money, and they may not (walking naively into that situation could put you at risk IMO)
As well, you should be aware that off-spring in other countries can be treated different legally as well… you may find that your child is now regarded as not only half-his BUT half-his nationality… so if you went there, he could file to keep her in the country as she is a citizen there.
TOO MANY RED FLAGS here to mention.
He got what he wanted from you… a quicky marriage with a JOP so he got to stay in America.
To me it looks like he continues to use you WHEN it is convenient for him. Doesn’t seem that interested in what you want or need.
Call it a day. File for divorce.
You can AND WILL meet a guy who will treat you the way you DESERVE and LOVE your Daughter as well.
Divorce can be painful (lost dreams etc)… but it isn’t something to be ashamed of, especially if you’ve been a “good person” kind-hearted and therefore ended up being duped by someone.
Post # 10
I feel taht you should stay near your family. Realistically, he was the one who chose to leave his family for whatever reason. you did not make that choice. The last paragraph of your post shows your frustration and it is clear that this has to do with a lot more that a church ceremony.
I think you really need to take a step back and reevaluate your life goals. Ccan you possibly accomplich them while in a relationship with your husband? I know everyone has to make sacrifices, but sometimes the sacrifices are too often, and too big IMO.
Post # 12
Run. This sounds really shady.
Post # 13
Things are not going to get better if you have your church wedding. You’ll be stuck in a foreign country with no method of income with a husband who does whatever he wants. If he wanted to be a dad and have a family, he would be in America for you and his child or at least finding a job to support you in his home country. It seems like you’re not his priority, and that’s not going to change if you have a church wedding. I would get a divorce and live your life for you and your daughter.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2015 - Diplomat Country Club
@taymi: No he’s from Gabon
Post # 15
hmmm …………..I’m african and I’m sorry to say this but there is a high chance that he has already started another family back home