Post # 1
When my fiance proposed to me, all I wanted was go to a court house or have a very simple small wedding and become his wife! I have had the wedding before (married my highschool sweetheart and we were just too young), it was large and expensive and so not worth it. My fiance, on the other hand, did want the wedding (wouldn’t explain why until recently-he wanted his grandmother to be able to see us get married). So, for him, I started planning a wedding. I have booked the venue, the DJ, the cake baker, the bartender, and bought my dress and centerpieces (I was ahead of the curve because I hate stress). The wedding drama has already begun with his family members (sister and brother-in-law), and I have done nothing but bawl. My fiance now understands that a wedding is not worth the drama or money or stress because at the end of the day all that matters is we become husband and wife. He also learned due to his grandmother’s ailing health, she won’t be able to make it to any wedding we have. We are now considering eloping-parents and best friends only. I love the idea of just getting married in a public park out of state with our family and friends and going to dinner and out afterwards. We thought about getting married on our honeymoon, but we want to go to Europe, and our family can’t afford to attend if it is somewhere out of the country. Before we officially cancel our wedding, we want to be sure though. I am positive I would love a small ceremony and no reception, but my best friends said they are afraid I am acting rash and will regret it later in life. I don’t know what to think or what to do. We need to make our decision soon so we can get all our money back from deposits we’ve paid, and my fiance now tells me whatever makes me happy will make him happy. Any opinions on the matter would be appreciated!
Post # 3
Micro-size that wedding and enjoy! I’m planning on something similar 🙂
Post # 4
@AlwaysLoverly: I don’t know if my opinion is the best because we are having a courthouse wedding. But, what I can tell you is that if you do decide to go ahead with a courthouse wedding, you can always have a party/reception for freinds and family later if you would like. We are considering it, but havent made any definite plans.
I guess what I would tell you is that you are so right, when it comes down to it, the most important thing is to be getting married to your husband and that is exactly how my fiance and I feel.
I am really sorry to hear that your grandmother wont be able to attend. Perhaps you could video tape it for her and then take her some fresh baked goods and watch it together with her. I know its not the same but it would probably make her feel very special.
If a big wedding is not what you want, don’t do it. No matter how prepared you are, you will still probably feel a little stress now and then and if its not worth it to you, then dont do it.
I hope I helped. Good luck
Post # 5
This is my second marriage and I also had the expensive wedding the first time around. We decided on a very intimate wedding with just immediate family and best friends. We’re also not having a reception and just taking everyone out for a really nice dinner afterwards. Then a few months later we’re going to throw a casual party and invite everyone to celebrate. I really think it’s the best of both worlds and least amount of stress.
Post # 6
I am an Encore Bride as well (and Mr TTR an Encore Groom)
We want to marry without a lot of fuss… and put the focus on US, each other, and our Vows (and an awesome Honeymoon)
So we too have decided to Elope… to a Destination Wedding… just the 2 of us gazing into each other’s eyes with our Officiant saying our Vows. I cannot wait… the whole event, Elopement & Honeymoon should be AWESOME
And fairly low stress
Mind ya, all our Friends & Family (who LOVE us dearly) and are sooo thrilled that we’ve found love again at our age (I’m over 50, he’s over 60) POUTED when we said we were Eloping… they very much want to share in the celebration with us
So we’ve had to compromise… and plan a Back Home Reception… altho it’ll be pretty low key… and more Party than Reception. No sit down meal for example… an evening affair… Cocktails & Nibbles, Cake & Champagne, DJ & Dancing. Should be a lot of fun… maybe a bit more “doing” than we originally planned… but not a full-on Wedding Reception, so some work, but hopefully not tons of stress (or expense)
You might want to consider doing something similar… especially seeing as this is the first Wedding for your Fiance.
The nice thing about a Back Home Reception… are there really are NO RULES… you can design it however you please. Big or little, Formal or informal… Wedding-like (Vow Renewal – Wedding Dress etc) or not. The choice is really yours.
Hope this helps,
Post # 7
@turkey22: I love the idea of taping our ceremony and watching it with her. She would love that! I never thought of that before, and if we wanted, we could make a copy for everyone that doesn’t come!
@joya_aspera: We can’t downsize the guest list anymore (we have a lot of close friends and my fiance’s immediate family is HUGE)-this is actually where the drama is coming from, is his sister says I am an awful person for not inviting the long lost cousins he hasn’t seen in 10+ years. It would hurt so many people’s feelings and I don’t want to deal with the “well what about me.” I wish we could though because this would solve everything! Thank you.
Post # 8
I’m doing the same thing as This Time Around. We eloped in the mountains, just him and me, and this spring/summer we’re having a celebration of our marriage/wedding.
I think once you’ve done the big wedding thing then you know exactly what it is you would miss by eloping. I wouldn’t let other people’s opinions on how THEY would feel or what THEY would miss dictate my life, my choices, or my wedding. This is about you and your fiance. You’ve been married before. Do YOU want to do it all over again?
It sounds like you don’t. If you don’t, hire a photographer and videographer and take off girl. Enjoy your husband and your marriage and let other people deal. This is not life or death to them. They will get over it or they won’t, in which case you will have less drama and trauma in your life from selfish, self-centered, controlling people. It’s a win-win either way.
Post # 9
It seems to me that you know exactly what you want. I say, go with your gut
Post # 10
I say downsize, have the immediate family, so what about long lost cousin. If SIL thinks you’re horrible, let her think that! It’s your wedding!
We cancelled our Destination Wedding 4 months before the big day and got all our money back except for $300, then eloped to Canada on our honeymoon.
Post # 11
@Sapphire-Dreamer: I think you are right. We officially cancelled our wedding plans today! Thank you!
& @sienna76 : We are definitely downsizing, and I hate people being angry at me, but you have a wonderful point (it’s my day not hers!).
Thank you everyone for the encouraging words and helpful ideas!
Post # 12
@AlwaysLoverly: You may have already decided, but I just wanted to say that I read a book called “Let’s Elope.” It’s a guide to eloping, and I loved it. In one of the opening pages, the author says that not one of the single couples he spoke with during his research had regretted eloping. Not one, including himself and his wife, who eloped. I am sure there are people out there who wish they had done a big wedding, but overall, it seems from most posts, stories, and books that elopers end up being happy with their decision and with all the stress and money they saved by not having a big wedding just to please other people. Hope that helps!
P.S. Also, some people do re-committment ceremonies for the 10 year anniversary, 25 year, or 50 year. If you do regret not doing the big wedding, you could always do it down the road! The book “The Wedding” by Nicholas Sparks is kind of about that. Check it out if you like his stuff.