CANCELED WEDDINGS! Share your stories Brides!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9 posts
Newbee

Sorry this is kind of long…but cancelling a wedding isn’t a decision made lightly…

My ex-fiancé and I cancelled our wedding this past March.  We were engaged in Aug 2008 and had planned to be married in August 2010. At the time of our engagement we had been together for 5 years, living together for 3 and had even moved overseas together for his job.  We had booked all our vendors, my gown was hanging in my parents’ closet and STDs had been sent. 

So what happened? We had a big fight one day and the next day we woke up and he told me he wasn’t sure if he wanted to be with me. I was shocked and completely taken off guard.  I had been so happy and the last thing I thought he would say to me was that.  Apparently he had been thinking about it for some time and the wedding was really stressing him out and he just wasn’t sure what he wanted anymore.

We talked a lot, we went to see a counsellor, and eventually we mutually decided to end our engagement.  It was pretty awful yet somehow not as terrible as I thought it would be. I immediately contacted all my closest friends and family to tell them about our decision.  He waited to contact his family and friends for a few days.  We decided to stay together.  We both wanted to work things out.

It was really hard in the first few months after calling off the engagement.  Many of our friends were recently married or were getting engaged so it was incredibly difficult to be excited and happy for them when my dream had been cancelled.  I brought it up a lot and it caused a lot of tension in our relationship.  Also, many people couldn’t understand what we were doing.  Why would we stay together after calling of our engagement?  To be totally honest I didn’t understand it myself.  Our counsellor summed it up nicely though: love and relationships aren’t always black or white, there are many shades of grey.

We decided to end our relationship this past June.  We tried to move forward and get passed all that had happened but it didn’t work.  He was still as confused as ever and a part of me resented him for proposing to me and then taking it back. 

What would have been our wedding date has now come and gone.  The actual day was sad but I had lots of support from family and friends.  Oddly enough once it was over I felt much more at peace with everything.  I was sad that we hadn’t gotten married but the overwhelming feeling was one of relief that we hadn’t gone through with something that could have ended very badly.  Breaking up has been pretty horrific but I can’t help but think that getting divorced would be that much worse. I am also so grateful to him for speaking up when he did.  It would have been so easy to keep going along as we were, especially as everything was booked and payments made.  I’m so glad that he was strong enough to tell me how he felt.

All this to say that cancelling a wedding is definitely not easy but it isn’t the end of the world either (though it certainly feels that way initially).  I have no idea what the future holds for me or him, but I do know that we were not meant to be married in August 2010 and I can’t help but think that had we gone through with it, we would have become yet another divorce statistic.

Post # 4
Member
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My friend very agnostic (or atheist, dont remember what he believed) met this very conservative muslim girl in Afganastan.  She worked for the US government as an interpreter.  They moved back to the US together after my friends stay in the army and planned a wedding.  We were very happy for them and my friend respected all of her believes including not having sex until marriage, but we were all a little hesitant because he hates organized religion and is very vocal about this.  But he loved her and he said that they could make it work.  Well she called off the wedding a week before because she decided she wanted to marry someone that at least believed in God and her parents were very against this marriage.

Another cancelled wedding I know of has to do with a pre nup.  The parents wanted the prenup since they were paying for the wedding and a lot of other stuff.  She wouldnt sign it and she cancelled the wedding and kept all the deposits.

My wedding cant get cancelled bc I am already married.  Shhh it is a secret, only my immediate family knows.    Marriage is wonderful and hard work too, but worth it.  I would defientely recommend it.  Just make sure you are marrying the right person.

Post # 6
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I have a story.

My step sister was dating this guy for a long time, they even lived together in his parents basement. They got engaged after about a year. I could tell she wasn’t happy in the relationship, and I don’t think he was at all either, but they went through with it anyway. They were divorced about a month and a half later.

She said afterwards that it was exactly what others have said: the family pressure and not wanting to let everyone down. Everything was booked and invites were already sent. She said she felt like the whole thing was just flying out of control and there wasn’t anything she could do to stop it.

Happy ending to the story though: she’s now married to a great guy and has two adorable kids.

Post # 7
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My sister broke off her engagement about 3 months after becoming engaged over christmas a few years ago. She was always a bit of a “wild child” and her fiance was very quiet, reserved, and managed several name-brand pharmacy stores in their area. They both enjoyed going out, but I think she realized that “real life” would set in after they were married and it wouldn’t be about going out all the time. She didn’t want to be a typical homebody. She started hanging out with some new friends at work and found herself in some pretty risky situations. After one particular evening of leaving a male co-worker’s house late at night after drinking, she got into a wreck and realized she was just acting out of her fear of being “typical” and “committed”. She broke off the engagement and said, “He was a nice guy, just not the nice guy for me.” She moved away, and from what I gather she’s pretty happy now. Some people just aren’t the commitment type, I guess. 

Post # 8
Member
683 posts
Busy bee

@Girlabroad: thanks for sharing your wisdom with us. Let us know if you need to lean on us!

Post # 9
Member
9 posts
Newbee

Thanks a lot…very much appreciated ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 10
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Girlabroad: wow – you are a strong woman – you can tell by your writing!  Good for you for doing whats best for YOU…Best wishes for you for in the future!  Im sure happiness in whichever shape or form will come your way! 

Post # 11
Member
9 posts
Newbee

@Layla26: Thanks for that but I honestly think most women would be just as strong…you never know how much you can deal with until you’re faced with it. 

That being said, I think I may be fooling you a little…until about a week ago I cried every day – not about the wedding but about the end of my relationship and the end of the life I knew (quitting my job, moving back home from overseas and into my old bedroom, etc…). 

Breaking up with the man I loved put a lot of things in perspective for me.  Cancelling the wedding seemed like such a big deal at the time but I knew I could deal with it because I still had him by my side.  When our relationship ended I realised that as much as I had cared about the wedding it didn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. It still hurts a lot and I’m sure I still have lots of unshed tears to come, but I do know that life goes on and that there are many great days ahead of me.

Post # 12
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

Girlaboad- My story is very similar to yours, so I just want to tell you it happened for a reason. I am now married to an amazing man that I never ever thought I would meet after my broken engagement.

My Ex and I dated all through college, 4 years after we started dating. I was beyond excited, he at the time was beyond excited. We had set a wedding for a year and half after so we could save for a house. My parents put a deposit down on the reception and band. I went and ordered my dress. About 4 months after we got engaged, we had a big fight, I had been feeling for the last month or so that he was acting distant, so I called him out on it and he got really defensivie. What I then found out over 2 years later AFTER this was that he had met someone. After the fight, he became a total jerk to me, he would’t call me back, he sometimes wouldn’t call me at all. He was never one for going out but I would find out from friends that he was going out all the time. We were still engaged, but I had NO idea what was going on. I cried and cried, I lost over 20 pounds, my family was constantly asking me what was going on, when I could get a hold of him he just say I don’t know, I can’t talk about this now. I would drive to his house and wait for him to only tell me he couldn’t deal with it. After 3 months of this, I finally gave him the ring back and told my parents to try and get their deposit back, I had to return and cancell everything, I was mortified. As soon as I gave him the ring back, he was begging for me to stay with him and not leave him. I was so hurt and angry I couldn’t even talk to him, a month later he showed up at my doorstep, had called my parents to arrange a “meeting” that night he begged for everyone’s forgiveness saying that he just got scared and cold feet. My parents forgave him but told him he should have just said that to begin with instead of doing what he did to me, and he swore up and down he was sorry. We hashed it out for a few days, and I agreed to get back together. He said we would get back together and in a few months get back engaged, we just had to settle back into “US”. 1 and half later we never got back engaged, I would constantly bring it up which only caused fights and tenison, he would just say he was confused and not ready. My entire family had no idea what was going on, and like Girlabroad either did I. I became so resentful and angry I just knew he wasn’t the one for me, and honestly something in my gut told me there was somethign really wrong with our situation. I finally got the courage to break it off, he tried beggging me, talking to my family again. I was so done with him. I never thought I would find love again. I then found out 2 months later after I broke it off that he had been seeing a girl since the days of us getting engaged. I guess he met her a few months after we got engaged ( she was 18 at the time ) I felt the hurt all over again, I was now living alone, all my friends were getting married and engaged and I was simply heartbroken, and so embarrassed. 6 months later though, I met my true love and a REAL man, and I got to really feel what it was like to be with your soul mate. Over 6 years of being with someone didn’t give me that, I knew if we ever did get married we would be divorced.

So I say this to Girlaboard, I know it still hurts but you will def find that one true love and the person you are MEANT to be with.

Post # 13
Hostess
11299 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My friend called her wedding off the day we were due to go the bridal shop for her to try on her dress after the alterations had been done. Her fiance had lied to her about money. It turned out he was actually bankrupt. Things had come to a head earlier that year and she told him then if there’s anything more I need to know then tell me, otherwise if you’re not telling the truth i’m out of here. He told her there wasn’t, but there obviously was. She found out through his sister when she went to say with her, which he didn’t want her to – surprise. She had wondered why they couldn’t get a mortgage when they both earn good money. Nearly a year later, she’s happy being single and bought her own house.

Post # 14
Member
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

These are all such inspiring stories.  You have all shown such strength.  I know these decisions were not easy to make.

My sister was engaged to someone she’d known since high school, but had only started dating towards the end of university. She, her FI (Ben) and another guy (Steve) were all best friends, and hung out a lot.  Ben was like another brother to me.

She broke it off about 8 months onto the engagement for many reasons, mainly because she felt more like his mother than his ‘lover’, and was annoyed that she felt that she had to push him to be more motivated in life.  Also, and here’s the kicker… she was in love with Steve.

This caused a HUGE divide among all of their mutual friends, some backing her up for being true to her feelings, and others spewing hate at her for hurting Ben.  

My friend’s sister even started an argument with me, saying that what my sister did was wrong.  I stared in disbelief at this girl, who had NO idea about the intricacies of my sister’s relationship, and how she could possibly make a judgement call like that.  If she had seen my sister and how depressed she was after breaking up with Ben, crying for days and weeks on end about how she’d hurt not only Ben but his entire family, she would know that this was the hardest decision in the world.  

In the end, it worked out for the best.  Ben is now married with a new baby, and my sister is now married to Steve ๐Ÿ™‚

It does all happen for a reason.

 

Post # 15
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

My best female friend ended an engagement our senior year of college.  She loved her fiance, but their relationship had some deep structural problems.  It was a really difficult time for her, but now she’s happilly married to a man who treats her well and supports her in every possible way.

Post # 16
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Girlabroad:I couldnt agree more – and i have recently experienced realizing you dont know what you can handle until you are hit with it.  I was just complimenting you on your strength and classiness at how you handled your situation and told your story.

No shame in crying – its how you overcame your struggle and how you handled it – kuddos to you! ๐Ÿ™‚

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