Post # 1
I am suppose to be marrying the love of my life in 3 weeks but i am not so sure he is still the love of my life. We have been together since highschool to graduate school always long distance and i feel as though we have grown apart. I keep hopeing for a different feeling and so i am going through the motions especially since we recently had a beautiful little girl together. On top of this we started having seriouse issues about 3-4 years ago and i took comfort in a girl friend that became more than a friend. I think im in love with this friend and that i have been in love and trying to deny it for 3 yrs. i dont know what to do? My plan was to get married for my daughter, for my parents and family, for the hope that i can fall back in love with this man.
Post # 2
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
This is a tough situation, but I can offer advice for part of it: don’t get married, or stay married, just for the sake of a kid. A parent can be a perfectly good parent if he or she is co-parenting with an ex, and kids are like sharks in their ability to smell trouble. People who stay together but aren’t in love, don’t want to be married, etc usually end up resenting their partners deeply, and the kids can tell. It’s really distressing to be a child of parents who don’t like each other, and even more distressing to feel guilt as an adult about your parents enduring unhappiness so long so they could have a “two parent upbringing.” The strongest thing you can do for your daughter if you’re in a bad situation that makes you unhappy is walk away.
Is that the right thing to do here? I don’t know. Maybe. But if the ONLY reason you’re with this person is for your kid, that’s not a good enough reason.
Post # 3
Solost33: I was raised without ny father I have a grudge against my parents for that. My father past away on my 14th birthday and I will never forgive my mom for not letting us have more time with dad I think our era we so quick to get a divorse and run away from our problems people back in the day or even women that have arrange married learn to love and work out their issue and have a pretty decent life. When children’s are involve you should be thinking about you you should be thinking for them. It suck not having both parents in the same roof I hate mom and dad for that, I say work on you loving this men and be happy with him. Unless he is phisicly or verbaly abusive to you and your child I say get the hell out other wise I say work with the men dont runn away.
Ps not trying to be judgemental at all just telling you how I feel since I was raise with mom only. Hope it help
Post # 4
You would be marrying for all the wrong reasons Solost33: that in fact long term Wil hurt your daughter. Having a intact family unit that’s only together to please others never works abd the cost is high to the child. I came from such a home and I rather my family not be together growing up and life was instead happy and unstressed. You know your not ment to be in this relationship any more. Dint try to force something that’s not there. Give your child a true gift, your happiness! You’re happiness equals her happiness.and there’s a difference between having to work thru issues and not being in love, you can’t force it, you Erik resent the whole situation eventually and miss out on true love.
Post # 5
I do not think that by getting married you are going to fall in love again, in my opinion a new status does not do that. In addition I agree with the previous post that to get married because of a child you have together is not enough, kids just know when there is tension between their parents and in some cases co-parenting is far better than having unhappy married parents
Post # 6
You don’t have to cancel the wedding. You can postpone it until you figure out what is going on in your head. Do you live together? Perhaps you should try to start living together or at least closer so that distance is no longer a problem. <br /><br />You need to decide if you want to be in love with your FI or if you don’t want it. If you don’t, then there is no point in trying to fix things. If you DO want to be in love with him, then you need to stop talking to your friend because that relationship is not helping you maintain your relationship with your FI.
Mostly though, talk to your family asap about all of this. Let them help and support you through this.
Post # 7
if you are not 100% committed, do not get married. better to cancel now then get divorced a few years from now.
it may take time to move on, but take it one day at a time.
Post # 9
If you have to ask, then don’t go through with it. Sounds like you have a lot to think about.
Post # 10
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Solost33: It’s sounds daunting but calling off a wedding is way easier than getting divorced. I vote to call it off and work out your feelings for this other person.
Post # 12
Solost33: My plan was to get married for my daughter, for my parents and family, for the hope that i can fall back in love with this man.
This is why I voted you should cancel. You should only EVER get married for you because you (and your partner) are the only ones it affects. If my sister had married the man who fathered her child it would’ve been a disaster.
If you aren’t in love with him now, chances are you won’t be later.