Post # 1
I’ve put myself in an awkward situation with a co-worker and I hope I can get some advice on how to handle this.
Backstory: An acquaintance from work has been bugging me to hang out with her (and her husband) many times. Twice my boyfriend and I have agreed – once we all went out to a bar with a group from work, and another time her and her husband had my boyfriend and I over to thier house (they were having a bunch of people over). Both times ended poorly due to her or her guests getting too drunk, etc. Basically, she and her husband and very nice people but much more into drinking, partying than we are.
So yesterday at work she was bugging me again about when we’d hang out next, and to make a long story short, she basically invited herself and her husband over to our place next week. It all happened so fast, and at the time, I guess I was fine with it. After speaking to my boyfriend about this after the fact, he isn’t too thrilled as he works the following morning, we live in an apartment (so late night noise, etc can be an issue), and it kind of messes up our after work routine, responsibilites (we really enjoy our downtime, just the two of us). We just generally do not especially want to have them over.
Im desperate now for a way to get out of this obligation without making it too awkward (remember, I have to work with this person). Complicating the situation further is that my boyfriend and I are moving out of state in 3 weeks (the co-worker knows this) and as harsh as this may sound, id much rather preserve my sanity and not host them than make a new friend when I’m going to move away next month.
So, how can I cancel on her in the least awkward way?
I realize this isn’t very polite to cancel plans, but we’d really rather just NOT put ourselves in a bad situation.
ETA: I’ve pretty much decided regardless to cancel the plans with her by some means, so I’m just looking for the easier way to do so. I guess I’m afraid that whatever reason I give her, she will basically ‘bully’ me into rescheduling, etc. I’m a bit passive and she’s quite insistant on us getting together.
Post # 4
Oh this is so easy! Tell her a few days before that you’l have to reschedule, things are just “far too crazy with the move” but ask her if shed like to get lunch one day that week.
Post # 5
Say your boyfriend is sick and you don’t want them to catch it! 😉
Post # 6
@jenangeles: I considered this, but am afraid
A) she will realize I’m not sick (as we work together and not going in isn’t an option)
B) if I wait til thesay of to cancel on her I expect more of a backlash/hassle from her after the fact
It probably will be my last resort but Igomi strongly considering just telling her “hey, Monday isn’t so good after all (boyfriend) works in the morning…
Post # 7
@kariface: I probably will use either that exact excuse or blame boyfriends work schedule, but them I always feel the need to follow it up with some kind of new plan, and I really don’t want to make a new plan to hang out.
It reminds me of the episode of Friends where Chandler can’t end a date without saying “well, this was great, let’s do it again sometime!” when he really just wants a clean break with the girl.
Post # 8
ok then you should start acting sick shortly before you go home for the day.. if you have more than one toilet stall in your bathroom run in after you see her go in and pretend you’re throwing up. 🙂
Post # 9
Thanks everyone for the quick replies. We aren’t working together today, and I just want to get it over with so I’ve decided to send her a text basically saying that after speaking with my boyfrend, that day wont work after all due to his work schedule.
Only problem is, its so ingrained in me to follow a statement like that with something to the effect of trying another day, but I don’t want to make plans another day.
Same would be true if I told her I was sick the day of.
Guess I’ll just send the text and leave it at that. Curious to see what she comes back with. Here goes nothing.
ETA: Frustrated with myself because I couldn’t help but end the text with “maybe we can try another time’. Guess I just have to avoid her for 3 weeks. I feel like a mean person for all this, but am realizing if she makes me feel bad about canceling / harasses me about it, it’s her issue, not mine.
Post # 10
@sandandsurf: if she comes back with something, just say you guys are getting pretty busy after work now with packing and preparing for the move. Plus you couldn’t bear to have them see such a mess! And then do the lunch suggestion if you feel you really should have a plan.
Post # 11
@hisgoosiegirl: Oh, I like the part about packing and the mess – that’s actually going to be true soon too as we are beginning to pack now.
Post # 12
I’d go with you guys are too busy with the move but offer to meet up with for lunch or coffee. Something like, ” so sorry we have to cancel but we should meet up for coffe/lunch before I move!”
That gets the who,e having them over out of the equation but doesn’t totally flake on her.