- 6 years ago
- Wedding: March 2002
so the wedding is in 11 days. (this is going to be long, me so sowwy)
on thursday the … erm… july 19th at about 930pm JUST as Fiance was walking in the door, his mom called and told us to meet her at the ER because she thinks dad (FFIL) is having a stroke.
(background history: hes had a stroke previously, a heart attack previously, is a diabetic, had a kidney transplant last summer from his other son (not FI), used to play for the green bay packers so theres some drug history…)
we get there. doctors say it wasnt a stroke. he was able to move all his limbs, but wasnt able to control his movements on the left side. they were more like spazms and went all over when he tried to make a movement. the week before this, he was at the MAYO in rochester for his 1 year check up post kidney transplant … and while he was there he started having “spells” where hed freeze up, stop talking and itd last a few seconds, later him telling us that it felt like his brain was shaking. the mayo did CT scans and found nothing. sent him home. we had dinner with them that sunday night and he was still having them… i told Fiance they seemed like little seizures to me.
so FF to the thurs, were in the hospital and the drs say its not a stroke. within a few hours they do a CT scan and find a dime size spot in his brain, assuming this and the swelling from that spot is causing the uncontrolled movements in the limb and his brain to “shake”. they wanted to use contrast in another CT scan to see more clearly, but for a long long time Future Father-In-Law was refusing because he didnt want the contrast to shut down his new kidney. he finally agreed to do that CT with the contrast because we were all explaining to him that the wedding is in 3 weeks.. the contast might not hurt the kidney… without a brain that works the kidneys no good anyway… etc etc. he had a hard time understanding because after his first stroke he had aphasia and they told him hed never talk again. but he does! hes pretty good. he gets stumped on some words and mixes some words up but even in the past 2 years ive now known him hes come a long long way with his speech.
anywho… the following friday a week after he was submitted, they still had NO idea what was going on inside the brain. they just continued CT scans every day. nothing seemed to grow, and one day they didnt even see the spot. but around midnight on friday they did a brain biopsy… about an hour later the Dr came in and said all went well, the second they got the brain open lots of puss shot out… they removed some tissue… toned down the swelling… saw the spot and burst that… more puss etc etc. so he Dr said they got lots of tissue and puss, and were going to send it to the microbio team. stating we’d hear results in 1-3 days.
its now tuesday. Future Father-In-Law is still in the hospital. he cant move any limbs. cant wiggle his fingers. cant squeeze our hands. can not even see. you can throw your hand in front of him when he has his eyes open and he wont blink. he will be awake and moaning for about half an hour, then within seconds is asleep for more hours. and repeat. Fiance and i have been sleeping in the hospital to give his mom a break and some people are coming in to town now and just staying the next week and a half until the wedding.. today Future Father-In-Law was switched to a new bed to help prevent bed sores, and he was put on a breathing ventilator. last weekend he was put on a feeding tube as well. theres really no way to tell how much damange and paralysis has been done.
he seems to be getting worse. the day of the brain biopsy doctors were predicting at least 8 weeks in the hospital. but currently we dont even know what antibiotics to put him on and they have just no idea how to make him better. so frustrating. send the scans to other hospitals – ask other opinions! SOMETHING!
we’ve met up with our photographers and limo transportation and day of coordinator to work in a visit to the hospital after the ceremony before the reception… and Fiance wants to cancel our honeymoon. the ONE thing Fiance wanted, DREAMED of.. was a honeymoon. our entire time planning he would tell me “girls grow up thinking about what their dress will look like and what song they will dance too.. i grew up knowing i wanted to go on a honeymoon the day after the wedding. right away” — and he has worked SO hard to do so. i am so proud of him. he is such a successful 25 year old man and is just so wonderful. it was his dream to go on a honeymoon right away. people would always ask us why we wanted to go right away and deal with that stress instead of just waiting.. and Fiance just always wanted to go. we’d ask every couple, did you wait.. theyd say yeah… wed ask when they finally went.. and theyd either say 10 years later or never even had a honeymoon. plus i know that a honeymoon months or years later is going to feel different. i know it is the right thing to cancel the honeymoon – im not looking for judgement or lectures here. i am just truly venting. i am so upset about the situation it is literally CONSUMING me. all these last minute details need to be done with 11 days left and i am just becoming numb. i also think Future Mother-In-Law is judging us up the wazoo and expects us to cancel the wedding, but she wont say anything. shes the type to judge n stare from afar creating her own opinions in her own mind. i just wanted to vent to someone other than Fiance. i dont want to stress him out anymore than this situation has. i know it breaks his heart to cancel the honeymoon too. he keeps asking me “what would do if it was your dad?” — well its not my dad. i honestly dont know. i know my dad would want me to go enjoy my honeymoon with my wonderful new husband, but that doesnt mean id go or not go. i havent any idea.
my grandpa, is my hero – my world. my best friend. i actually want him to walk me down the aisle along with my dad. they are both just EVERYTHING to me. grandpa has been sick for a while, and ever since about feburary he hasnt been doing so well. so in the earlier months of this year feburary-may specifically, we’ve had many scares and tears about him not making it to the wedding. there is even hospice at home and the cancer is just deteriorating. the doctors say its a miracle hes still here and they cant even believe it. my family thinks hes hanging on for my wedding…
so now we have 2 scary issues on our hand.
i am so angry with God for having this interruption. i know no wedding day is perfect, but i truly never imagined that id be running into a hospital on my wedding day. and i am so sad for Fiance that his dad is going to be here, alive – but unable to attend. that he wont have any picture with his dad from the day he got married. :(( breaks. my. heart. and i am so bitter that after we get MARRIED (yay big happy moment here!) – we return to our home, he returns to work 6am-10pm and i return to our couch, watching tv, taking care of our dogs etc. (i quit my job about a month ago to wedding plan, take care of my body with certain health issues and get to be the best i can for our TTC issues..) totally not how i imagined it.
i just want to stop being angry and selfish or whatever these feelings are. i feel like its hindering me 100% from being there for Fiance and thats not right. not nice. not okay. it is SUCH a bummer.
say a prayer if you wish; thoughts appreciated <3