- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
So, I have cancelled our wedding.
I feel terrible, I have let my whole family down. Which was never what I intended to do.
I agreed for my parents to pay for the wedding, because Fiance and I would never have been able to afford to pay for a wedding in the time my father was saying the wedding needed to happen (my fathers health is failing him so he wanted it to be as soon as possible).
So my parents agreed to pay, however, nothing given is without strings when it comes to my mother and she has been behaving fairly badly. Plus Fiance disliked the idea of them paying as then we would not have ownership of our own wedding.
I butted heads with my mother and her attitude made it clear she did not want to be paying, but at the same time made it clear she wanted to throw a huge party.
I hate being the centre of attention and only wanted something small. As did Fiance. But that was not what was happening and it was all my fault. In an effort to make things easier for my family I sacrificed our wedding. Which then festered in my head and FIs head. We wanted our wedding to be the way we wanted it. And that was not what was happening.
The question then became, well can we get over that? Can we for the sake of my father just forget about the wedding being what we want it to be? It would have been a stunning lavish day, but at the end of the day we were not excited about it and I felt constantly guilty towards my parents about having them pay this amount of cash when they have so much stress going on in their lives coping with my fathers health.
So last night I called my mother and cancelled it. We are going to pay them back the money lost. And then we are going to save for it and do it ourselves.
But that does mean that many members of my family will not be able to attend. And my father may not even be able to go because his health may not allow it by the time we have saved enough. (we live in Canada, I am from the UK)
I love my father, with all my heart. And I want him to be there. But this was not the way to go about our wedding.
Some of my friends say I should suck it up and just do it the way it was planned. Others say that its our wedding day and should be done the way we feel the most comfortable doing it.
I want to know what the hive thinks.
Am I a monster for cancelling this? Should we have just grinned and dealt with it? Do our families have ownership and claims over our lives?
Or is a wedding supposed to be something more than just a family gathering, is it not supposed to be the start of a marriage and a celebration of the commitment we are making to each other? And therefore just between the two of us? (ofc we will be inviting people but there would be less room for people and less people able to make it)