Post # 1
I am a 24 year old mother of 1, I have been with my fiance for 6 years now. We got engaged 3 years ago, and well everything seemed great. I started planning my wedding for this October. I had the vendors paid, my dress bought, everything was done. Our relationship however was on a slippery slope, and the wedding planning just teetered us off head first. We often fought over small issues that turned into bigger ones as the fights progressed. It didnt help that he was an avid drinker. The feelings of fear and anger overwhelmed us both. We decided to call off our wedding 2 weeks ago, 4 months away from the big day. It;s been a struggle for me since we have decided to do so. We are still together now, but I am constantly wondering if I should just leave. I mean, I feel like if he wasn;t always drinking, we could be happy. He;s in AA now, but he’s still being rude and obnoxious. I just wish that I could have some peace on my decision, but I don’t know. Someone give me some insight!
Post # 3
i’m sorry you are going through this. i have a feeling that his drinking is the main cause of all of this?? i personally have not been in this position so i don’t really have any good advise for that. however, your first priority should be you and the well being of your child.
Post # 4
That’s why I am writing this! I feel like I have to make te best decision for me and my daughter, and I am worried that leaving her father might not be the best idea right now. His drinking needs to stop, if it does we’ll be a happy couple, if it doesn’t well I guess I answered my own question! Thanks for your comment!
Post # 5
You can’t say for certain whether you’d be a happy couple once he stops drinking – when people overcome addictions, they aren’t always the same person they were before or during their addiction.
For what it is worth, I think you’ve made the right decision for you and your daughter. Her father is struggling with something he needs to overcome before he can be the father that she deserves. Though she’s not old enough to understand, you’re setting a good example for her.
Perhaps it would be best to give some yourself some separation and time to focus on yourself and your daughter. Your SO needs to take time to focus on himself and his healing as well. You could suggest counseling if you feel it would help you both; but until he stops his drinking, he won’t really be able to move forward in any other part of his life.
Best of luck to you both!
Post # 6
Sorr you are going through this. Obviously only you know what is best for you and your daughter – but I can’t see how the best thing for your daughter would be to be around her alcoholic father.
Post # 7
@daisy88: Hugs to you. Being in AA and letting go of something that he was addicted to for however long he was, he will be cranky… If you can hang in there, the payoff may be great. At the same time, you’ve already spent six years with him, so you have to really decide if you see a future or if there is a better future with someone else for you. No one can tell you to stay or leave, but I’m just saying sometimes AA really works. More often though, it doesn’t, and you’re back in this boat every 5-10 years.
Post # 8
I’m sorry about what happened, but if it’s any comfort know that you’re doing the right thing. When people have addictions they act out and it’s always the people closest to them that suffer, you deserve to be treated better than that. Although his alcohol problem might be a cause for his behaviour, it still doesn’t justify it. Stay strong and hopefully if he loves you then he’ll work on changing his ways and in a few years time you’ll get that wedding you deserve. If not, then he obviously didn’t love you enough, and you’ll find someone else.
Post # 9
I’m a 24 year old mother of 1, and I left her father when she was almost one. He was a meth addict. It didn’t get better. Only you know which choice to make, but in my case, leaving him WAS the best choice for me and her. If you do decide to call it quits, it will be hard but you can do it. If you decide to stay, it will take work. My dad was an alcoholic for most of my life. It was a struggle for my parents to stay together, but if you have patience, and you both want to make it work, it can. Good luck in whatever decision you make. If you need to talk, you can send me a message.
Post # 10
Thanks for all te kind words and opinions! I really appareciate it! It has helped me continue this journey with lots of information in my head! Thanks again!