Cancelled Wedding – What Next?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

You won’t be sad forever but you will be sad for a while.  All heartbreak fades with time but you’re right things sound out of control and the breather or the full breakup was required. 

What things center you?  help you relax?  let you come back in touch with the you inside?  

Focus on your kid and you as an individual for a while.  Next you’ll probably have to deal with notifications and contacting vendors but don’t do that right away. 

Post # 4
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

You won’t be sad for ever. You have made a very wise choice to end your relationship, but you are grieving for all the things you had been planning for. You were a fiance, and you were going to be a wife. You are grieving for the loss of those plans.

No wonder you are anxious and depressed – he’s calling you daily to verbally abuse you! Can you block his calls on your phone? Or have caller ID and just not pick up when he rings? There is no reason to subject yourself to that abuse. You won’t be able to move forwards as long as he is blaming you for everything.

It seems that you tried everything, including counselling, in order to try to make your relationship work. And sometimes a relationship just won’t work, no matter how much you would like it to.

The smart thing you have done, is to recognise that your relationship was ultimately not going to work, and you were brave enough to end it and to walk away.


Post # 5
109 posts
Blushing bee

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through.  It’s not fair for him to treat you this way.  I can’t really offer anything other than a virtual hug and the hope that things will get better for you soon.  Do you have a good support system?

Post # 6
3442 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

No, you will not be sad forever.

You made the right decision, and chose long term happiness over short term happiness.

You knew this was not a relationship that could bring either of you long term fulfillment, and when the dust finally settles and the newness of the breakup wears off, you will feel relieved that you didn’t resign yourself to a life of constant struggle.

If counseling for a year changed nothing, that was confirmation in and of itself.

Post # 7
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@Macys:  You a brave and smart woman.  I have been through a divorce and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.  Take some time to grieve the end of the relationship, then move on.

Post # 8
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Macys:  I am so sorry you are going through this. It must of taken great courage to do what you did. I did something very similar to what you did last year the only difference was that I had animals not kids. It was hard for a while. He begged for a second chance (for the millionth time) I stood my ground. Cried some tears. Drank too much cocktails. But it does get easier. I am sure deep down you feel some sort of relief and you can breath a bit more deeper. Not having to come home every day from work and worry about what situation you’re coming home too. Plus I am sure your kid is a lot happier. Rally your friends and family together for support. Go out with your kid and do fun stuff to get his/her mind off of things. You took the hardest first step. You got control of your life and wanted something better for you and your child. From here on out life will be a lot more wonderful.  

Post # 10
1891 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

As cliche as it may sound, time does heal wounds. Those wounds may leave a small scar, but you will get over it. I had a live-in BF with a son, and I hated that he did not treat mine as his own. His son was pure evil as well. It hurt and was depressing for a while. I eventually ended up meeting my now FI and the ex is nothing but a distant memory… You will be fine!

Post # 11
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Macys:  you did the right thing for everyone involved. You are brave and you made a very brave decision that is best for everyone involved in the long run, even though your ex fiance cannot see it right now. You will not be sad forever – it may take time and you will have some very low points, but over time you will see that your happy moments last longer and your sad ones become few and far between, and eventually they will just be little twinges of sadness. It will be ok!

Post # 12
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

I think you dodged a bullet, though right now it’s hard to see. From what you wrote, he didn’t treat you right, and the bits about blending your families was the icing on the cake. He should have responded to your concerns TOTALLY differently, but he chose to be unyielding. You saved yourself and your children a lot of future heartache. You just have to deal with the pain right now. TRY not to blame yourself!!! There were two people involved here.

Big hugs!! It will get better.

Post # 13
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m sorry to hear of your troubles.

However, I have to ask. Why were you trying (and succeeding) to get pregnant with someone you didn’t think you were ready to marry?

Post # 14
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think you made the mature decision.  I would cut off phone contact, it’s not helpful or productive.  A year from now, you will be so happy at the decision you made.

Post # 15
239 posts
Helper bee

Sometimes being honest & truthful hurts. Props to for being the grown up and realizing you weren’t ready it takes strength to do that. If you were able to call the wedding off you will be able to get through the pain and sadness

Post # 16
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@Macys:  Kudos on calling it off, it sounds like you made the right decision. I’m sorry your ex is giving you so much grief, obviously he’s hurt/embarrassed but he needs to remember it can’t be easy for you either.

I’m in a blended family myself so I hear you on that one too. I have three, FI has three. We have all clicked from the get go but there are days where it isn’t so easy but I know it’s right because it isn’t “mine” and “his” to me they’re ours and my FI feels the same way. If y’all went through a year of counseling with little progress you know in your gut you made the right choice. Better before the marriage than after! 

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