Post # 1
Hi, I don’t know where to begin. Well the loan I just knew would be approved by my credit union was declined. My FH and I were paying for this wedding on our own and not having any other way of acquiring the money to make the final payments to our vendors we had no choice but to cancel the wedding three weeks before the actual day. Even after the announcement and unbeknownst to everyone I tried to work things out with the vendors for the deposits we made hoping to inform our guests and bridal party that the wedding is back on but the venue would not budge. We are going to loose our deposits. I’m not mad at the vendors though because I knew and accepted it. I am however very disappointed and hurt that I disappointed my friends and family. I feel betrayed because everyone is angry because they spent their money & I haven’t given anyone a reason why the wedding was cancelled. It wasn’t an easy decision because I KNOW people invested money in their outfits & travel arrangements.
My F and I are going on our honeymoon and have arranged to get married there. It only cost us $250 to have a wedding for two with flowers, dinner, cake, and champaigne all for $250.
My problem is my bridal party already spent money on their dresses which cannot be refunded because they were designed by me & sewn by a seamstress, shoes, jewelry, etc. Some family members and friends already bought plane tickets. The bridal shower already took place and I don’t know what to do.
Should I tell everyone why and that we will get married during our honeymoon? Am I obligated to reimburse everyone for their expenses? What do I say in an apologetic postcard? I’ve already informed everyone via phone, email, and text. Should I still give the bridesmaids their gifts?
Post # 3
I am sorry you are dealing with this. I would still give the BMs their gifts. I would also arrange to have some sort of reception so that people can still gather to celebrate (and the girls can wear their dresses).
Post # 4
Sorry you are having to do this.
Is there any way you could have just the reception part. Then everyone that has purchased plane tickets, etc. could still not feel like they wasted money.
Post # 5
I don’t understand this at all. Why did you wait until just 3 weeks before your wedding date to get your loan approved? It seems to me that it would have been much wiser to know you had the money in hand before making ANY plans, sending out invitations, receiving bridal shower presents, asking the bridal party to order dresses, and guests to make travel arrangements. And now you feel “betrayed” by your family and friends because they are angry at you for spending money on a nonexistant wedding while you are obviously spending money on a honeymoon trip? I’m sorry but I think you are sending the wrong message to your friends and family and I don’t blame them for being upset, especially since you haven’t even told them the reason. Perhaps just have an informal backyard wedding where you could DIY most of it to save money. I think your friends and family would rather come celebrate with you at a simpler event than to feel that they are like an afterthought and expendable and replaceable by a trip. If you had told people in the first place that you were going away to get married while on your honeymoon they would have understood. If you do decide to go, I think you are responsible to reimburse any expenses that your bridal party has already incurred. I don’t think you necessarily need to return any shower gifts, as most people would have been happy to gift you even if you had planned an elopement wedding in the first place. Just don’t expect them to send you a wedding present though.
Post # 6
I’m SOO sorry you have to go through this. How supportative is your family? The only reason that I ask is simply because you might be surprised at how much they come to your aid in this situation. While it might not be the wedding of your dreams, you could always have a ow key wedding and a backyard reception with your family and friends. This way they could come and still feel like it wasn’t a waste to get plane tickets / outfits / etc. If you can DIY a lot of your details, like flowers, decor, etc… and have some family members cook (not ideal I know, but in a pinch, who knows what they’d do…) some of your family’s favorites and celebrate you and your future husband…
Just a thought, hope it helps.
Post # 7
Is there anyway you could just do something low-key at someone’s house? Just champagne and cake or something and get married by a JP? And as a guest, I think I would be pissed to hear that you cancelled the wedding that everyone made travel arrangments for, but you still could go on a honeymoon. Maybe you could postpone your honeymoon and use that money to host something real small. I think it would be a good gesture just to do SOMETHING to acknowledge those people who made arrangements to come to your wedding. I’m sure people would understand why you can’t have an elaborate wedding with the way the economy is (I do agree with PP that you should have figured this out A LONG time ago though). Something small will go a long way to smooth things over though.
Post # 8
Ouch stinky situation! I agree with the other posters. You probably should have made sure you got the loan before even making deposits on places. I would definitely be a little torked if I spent money on a dress, tickets etc and then it was called off. I am guess your FI probably can’t get a loan then either?
Post # 9
It seems you should have had options other than just cancelling on everyone with no explanation this close to the date. I don’t blame anyone for being upset with you. Why haven’t you told them the reason? Have you explored all other possibilites? You say you are still going on your honeymoon and getting married then. Couldn’t you cancel that and put the money towards a very simple reception at someone’s home? You say you are upset that people are angry with you, but maybe you need to look at some other people’s perspectives in this. I can’t imagine you can’t hold some sort of wedding.
Post # 10
just so you all understand the institution I do business with processes loans in 2-3 business. I’ve never been declined by them ever for a loan. the plan was to pay as much as we could before taking out a loan. so everything we had is gone. we have been making payments on every aspect of the wedding including the honeymoon which is why the honeymoon was paid off already. it was the least expensive part. having a reception right now is financially impossible. only one person had to purchase a plane ticket. I will give the ladies their gifts but I think i’m going to reimburse them for their dresses & keep the desses. I would love to do a reception but that won’t happen until we recoup all that we have lost, about a year & a half. we were aying for everything ourselves. I tried to have the venue put our deposits toward a dinner in their restaurant but to no avail. the florist was willing to work with us though. based on the responses we’ve received, mostly my side, I’m thinking twice about doing something a year or so from now.
Post # 11
I understand that you didn’t make this decision lightly, but it will definitely come off as rude, especially to those who have already invested in your wedding.
Would it be possible to figure out who has made travel arrangements/invested in your wedding, and invite them to a celebratory party at your home before you go on your honeymoon? You and your FI could go to the courthouse, then have this smaller group meet you at your home (or someone else’s) for cake and punch, maybe? You could definitely do that for the $250 that you would spend getting married on your honeymoon, and it would at least be a gesture showing that you appreciate their effort.
ETA: Definitely tell them why the wedding is cancelled! No need to go into details, just say that it became impossible financially, and the honeymoon was already paid for.
Post # 12
@overmyhead: WOWSERS. What a tough spot to be in. I am sorry all this has happened. I really think after some of the fluff in the air falls down you should talk to your family and explain how sorry you are for calling it off so late. I don’t blame them for being upset. I do blame your family for not being a little supportive of the situation. At this point, it would be nice to have a dinner or something with just family and bridal party members. Nothing fancy. Just dinner. Maybe even at your own house. Everyone could get dressed up, sit down have a nice home cooked meal by you or your family members and that is all. No guests or friends. It could be a nice gesture on your part. Besides, people never have home cooked meals anymore…at least not in my neck of the woods. They might actually enjoy it.
Post # 13
Tell them, my advice: Reimburse pretty much everyone.
Post # 14
I’m sorry your dealing with this!
Are your parents nearby? Is there anyway some sort of dinner party could be worked out?
In your last post, you mentioned based on your family’s reponse, you’re reconsidering doing something… what were their responses? Have you told anyone why and if not, why haven’t you?
They are probably frustrated and just trying to understand what’s going on.