(Closed) Cancelling the wedding for financial reasons?

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

No!! How much more would you need to go out of pocket?  If you have already spent the money and you are this close to the wedding, I think you may regret down the road canceling and eloping.  Was having a wedding really important to you?  If so, I think you would regret canceling, but if it isn’t, then maybe you can get some of your money back by selling what you bought??

HUGS!  This is a terrible decision to have to make 🙁

Post # 4
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

Weddings are expensive, for sure.
Is a wedding important to you and your FI? Would you regret it, years down the road? If not, and all you want is to get married, go to the JOP and start your life with your man, that’s what it’s all about! If you think you’d regret it, then maybe postpone?
Starting a marriage in debt is not a good way to start; this time should be happy for you, not a source of anxiety.
Best wishes,

Post # 5
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

If eloping is what you truly wanted to do in the first place, I would do that and/or go down to the courthouse to get married, followed by a nice meal with the people you want there. Don’t let people pressure you to do things a certain way if it’s not what you want, especially if you can’t afford to do it!

We all talk about the stress of wedding planning, but it really shouldn’t be so stressful that it’s giving you panic attacks 🙁 You need to look after yourself!

Post # 6
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

@kokuu:

What are you planning for food?  What time of day is your wedding planned for?  Does the Historic home/park supply anything or do you have to supply chairs, tables, etc?  Do you need anything more other than food and drink?  What type of “minimal decor” were you thinking of? 

Post # 7
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I personally think you can do it for cheaper than you think. You’ve paid for the major things already. Cut your guest list to just family and one or two close friends. Check out $2000 dollar wedding and the wedding the couple from younghouselove.com did. We’re doing ours for probably 1k when said and done and I’d be happy to help you any way I can. I’m sure theres many other low budget brides on this board that would also give you suggestions. But if you think its too much stress or just don’t see it happening- there’s no shame in having a nice court house ceremony and heading to dinner with the parents afterwards.

Post # 8
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Since you already have your venue and dress.. what if you just have a ceremony?? Or maybe have champagne and cake for everyone afterwards.. If you make it an afternoon ceremony no one would expect dinner yet. 

OR (Im not sure about the etiquette for this) you could Invite guests to meet at a nice restaurant afterwards if they want -but make sure they are aware they will be picking up there own tab. 

Post # 9
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It seems like you’ve paid the major things already, but I understand how wedding expenses stack up and how scary it can be. It all comes down to what you and your FI want. Would you regret not having a wedding? If so, you might want to think about still having the wedding and seeing if there’s anywhere else you can cut costs. If you wouldn’t mind eloping, you could do that. Are you ok with losing all the money you’ve already put out?

As for accepting help, I understand it can kinda suck but it’s also very nice of family to offer their assistance. Orginally we planned on paying for everything ourselves but then the FIL’s have been slowly offering to pay for things along the way (especially after I lost my job). Bottom line, if you and FI really want a wedding, go for it. If not, then just elope! Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

((hugs)) Maybe if you bring this up to your family, they will foot the bill. I know you don’t want to do this but you would not be asking for the $$ just saying you know they want you to have it, but you can’t afford it and will just go to JOP (or whatever your plan is). My FH and I were going to have a $5,000 lunch reception with burgers, coleslaw, potato salad, etc. and we were fine with it. My mom wanted us to have a dinner and dancing and ceremony in front of everything but it wasn’t in the budget. She offered to pay for everything and FH’s parents are paying for alcohol. She also got an inheritance recently so she was able to do it even though I think it’s quite unnecessary.

Or what about postponing it so you have a bit more time to save?

Post # 12
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Another thing to bring up (and this should NOT be the deciding factor) is if you have a lot of out of towners, have they booked flights already? You’re wedding isn’t until October so maybe they haven’t, but I know for my September wedding many people had booked their flights as early as April.

It sounds like you have a lot of great ideas to cut costs! What time of day is your wedding? If you go heavy on appitizers and have cake and champagne you could very well be fine. People are coming to see you get married, not for the food (though it sounds like you have some delicious food ideas!)

For a photographer, you could consider someone who is in school or just out and is trying to make a name for themselves. My FSIL paid $800 for her photographer and the woman stayed all day AND did and engagement shoot AND made them parent albums and an album for them. Her pictures turned out beautiful! The photographer has since raised her prices, but the point is, if you’re willing to take a chance on someone who is trying to get into the business you can get a great deal on photography.

As for flowers, we’re going with a florist and our flower total came out to just over $300. We did flowers for the bridal party, me, the groom, parents, and grandparents. Not doing flower centerpieces can save a LOT! I made beautiful centerpieces and spent right around $100. There are also things you can skip (like favors) or cut back on.

You could also probably get some delicious desserts at Costco for cheap, which would cut back on the amount of cake you would need.

Post # 13
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Honestly?  I think the best choice is to either elope or head down to the courthouse and meet with friends for a nice dinner afterwards, particularly if you can get your venue deposit back. 

There’s no reason why you can’t have a vow renewal or formal anniversary party down the line when you’re more financially stable and can throw the sort of party your families expect.  Right now, though, it seems as though you’re putting yourself through a lot of unnecessary stress and financial hardship or the sake of hosting a reception you won’t necessarily enjoy.

Starting your married life on firm ground is ultimately one of the best gifts you and your FI can give one another.

Post # 14
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m in agreement with teaadntoast – it sounds like this is perhaps not the best time to have this type of wedding for you and your FI and it will probably be much better on your marriage if you guys were less stressed financially.

If you suffer from anxiety, then you definitely need to take into account the impact that this is having on your mental health as well. 

You can have a courthouse wedding and it still be planned, wonderful, and lovely.  Check out Mrs. Mary Jane’s budget for hers, which I think looks like an absolutely wonderful wedding day:

http://www.weddingbee.com/2009/11/09/the-final-mary-jane-budget/

*hugs* I know this can’t be an easy decision for you to make.  How does your FI feel about it?  That definitely needs to be taken into account as well.

Best of luck with your decision, no matter which way you go, and let us know how everything turns out!

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