Post # 1
I have no idea what to do. FI and I originally set our date as 9/24/11. My grandpa has cancer and we aren’t sure how long he’ll be around. We’re thinking about changing the date but we just don’t know. A month ago he was doing great but if the wedding were last week, he wouldn’t have been able to make the trip. If it were next week, he probably could. With his treatments, he’s improving. The wedding is 12 hours from where he lives so even if he was still with us at the time of the wedding, it’d be unlikely he’d get to go. But I just feel so awful for setting the date so far out. When we set the date, he was doing amazingly well and the doctors were giving him around 2 years. I just feel awful. I don’t know what the answer is. To move the date up 4-5 months would be hard and FI really doesn’t want to. He doesn’t think my grandpa would be able to make the trip and it’d cause a lot of stress trying to plan the wedding in 6 months. I don’t even know if my dress would get here in time or if we could book the church. I feel like there’s no good answer.
Post # 3
I think the best answer is to have more free time by leaving your wedding where it is. To be less stressed and do spend that time with your grandpa. He may want to see you get married, but he would rather spend one on one time with you if he had the choice, I would be willing to bet.
If he is here someone can set him up with an internet streaming video of the wedding or something.
Post # 4
You’re exactly right. There is no good answer. All you can really do is savor the days you do have with him and hope for the best until September. I wish you warm, happy thoughts.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I am in a somewhat similar situation. My young cousin has cancer and the doctor’s have only given her a few months. My wedding is in June and it breaks my heart that she may not be there. FI and I aren’t moving the wedding date; but you and your fiance have to decide what is best for you and your family. Wishing you and your family the best during this time.
Post # 6
Oh hun I’m very sorry. My grandpa was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer 1 week before my wedding. He was so excited to come. He tried so hard to be able to just leave the hospital for one day to be able to make it. It wasn’t a success. He missed it. I had a the opportunity to move my wedding date so that he would be able to come but I chose not too. Not that I didn’t want him there but because life is going to give us tough choices. I chose to stay the course and keep our date. I know thats what my grandpa wanted. He was the very first to get a picture though. Even before me and my husband.
Keep your date. Its your wedding and your special day. Enjoy it and keep him close to your heart. I know thats what he would want for you. Wishing you and your family all the best.
Post # 7
@youhavemyheart: You poor thing! I can completely relate – we had a short engagement because my favorite aunt had cancer and Mr. C’s dad has a disorder that destroys his lungs and last year was brutal. We had tried to set it at a time when they both would be able to make it and be healthy for it, but unfortunately my aunt passed away earlier this year. Now, Mr. C’s dad is on the short list for a lung transplant and may not be able to be at the wedding at all – which sucks but is ok if it mean we get to have Grandpa Chocolate around for a while!
The whole point is that life is completely unpredictable and when you have to schedule things a good deal in advance you’re always taking the risk of things not working out the way that you’d hoped/things coming up. I know you feel bad, and believe me if I could have gotten married this past spring so my aunt could be there I would have run down the aisle in jeans and a t-shirt, but like PPs have said, moving it would be hard and your grandpa would probably enjoy spending some stress-free time with you. We’re doing a live stream for my grandma who is too fragile to travel the 12+ hours here, and she absolutely loved the idea. Try not to beat yourself up over it! I hope things work out and that you guys have the wedding you dreamed of!
Post # 8
Thanks for the support. I think I’m going to do something special when my dress comes in. My grandpa is deaf, so he wouldn’t really enjoy the wedding much, just getting to see me in my dress and so happy. I mean, I’m his baby girl. I’m the youngest granddaughter and his favorite.
I’ve always been his little monkey… lol, when I was five, my kindergarten teacher told me deaf people knew sign language so I got a sign language book from Scholastic and learned how to sign the alphabet. I climbed up in his lap the next time I saw him and tried to sign to him. He has a hearing aid and can read lips, he knows no sign language, except the ‘bird’ 🙂 so he just looked at my mom like ‘What is she doing?’ And he just thought I was a goofy little monkey for climbing up in his lap and flapping my hands and arms around like that. So I’ve always been his little monkey 🙂
I’m thinking that maybe when the dress comes in, I’ll put it on, with my veil, and hold some fresh flowers and walk into the living room from the back bedroom so he can see me in the dress and stuff. I think that’s what he wants to see more than anything. I know he wouldn’t be able to hear the vows or what the priest was saying and being at the reception would be really uncomfortable for him… So stressful. I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.
I made sure he got pictures when I bought my dress… the first time I’ve ever seen him cry.
Post # 9
I’m really sorry to hear this. I know how cancer is, my aunt was fine and then she wasn’t–all within a month. I still cry sometimes thinking about her. Would it be possible to have a civil ceremony, just invite parents and grandparents in the next month and then have the big wedding later?
EDIT: I see that you’re Catholic b/c you mentioned priest and that’s a no-go. I think you showing your grandfather your dress by wearing it would be great!
Post # 10
I’m very sorry to hear about your grandpa, I definitely know how hard it is.. I just lost my grandpa in February to a 3 year battle with Colon Cancer. That was definitely one of the hardest things I’ve been through. I’m an only child, and the only grandchild of his, so we have always been close. The one thing I wanted was to have him there, but I knew that may not happen. He lived in Arizona and I’m in Minnesota, so as he was getting sicker, I made sure to constantly send cards and pictures to keep him updated on my life. And I’m thankful that I got engaged to my wonderful fiance before he passed, so he at least got to see him, even if he never got to meet him. Even though it’s still really hard, I know he’ll be there with me in January. I’m also wearing a ring that he gave my grandma years ago to have him with me…
We also just found out last month that my uncle (his son) may also not be able to make it to my wedding as he found out he has liver cancer and cirosis of his liver and about 6 months to a year to live. I’m also his only niece so he really wants to be there, but since he’s in England, that also may not happen. His health is what matters right now though, and I already have it arranged with my photographer to get pictures to him as soon as possible if he can’t be here. Losing my grandpa and my uncle being so sick has made this a really hard year for my family, but I truly cherish every moment I have and have had with them.
I send all my thoughts and prayers your way, I know exactly how you are feeling right now. Just cherish every moment you have with him and know he’ll be there even if it’s not in person 🙂
Post # 11
I’m sorry to hear about your grand father. There is no rules as far as cancer and how a person will be doing in a day, week, moth or even year. I think you need to proceed as originally planned. I’m sure yoru grand father would be broken hearted if he knew that your wedding wasn’t exactly what you had wanted on his account. A friend of mine had a similar situation. Her mom had cancer and took a turn for the worst unexpectedly. They decided to get married at home, with her there, only about 10 damily members in total, right before her mother passed away. She did however continue with the original wedding plans for July ( they got officially married in February) and no one knew they were already legally married other than the immedaite family. If it means that much to you both to have him witness the marrige, maybe you can do something similar if he takes a turn for the worst before your wedding date. If god willing he is still with you on your day, and unable to attend, maybe he can witness via webcam, have someone bring him a laptop and allow him to see the whole ceremony. I’m sure if you were to explain the situation or officant wouldn’t oppose to that. There really isn’t a way to fix it. My dad passed away in 2005 and I hate that he wont walk me down the aisle or be there, and my oldest sister passed away in 2009. During our ceremony, we will have a memorial ceremony honoring their memory, knowing they are there with us in spirit. I hope his health improves and that he can share in your day.