Post # 1
Help! So I was chatting with my pals about me and FH’s proposed destination wedding in Asheville NC (which is only 5 hours away) and some of the things we discussed surprised me!
1) They will be driving up the day before. I assumed everyone was as cheap as my parents and would drive up the morning of so as NOT to buy a hotel for the night.
2) They will need 6 months notice. It’s a tiny wedding thats only 5 hours away! D: I’ve seen them travel 4 hours away to Atlanta on a whim! I wasn’t expecting to have to make STD’s…so extra $$ there
3) Organized activities are wanted. Though they sound fun I REALLY can’t afford/organize anything. The whole point of my tinyass wedding is to only spend 1K max
4)They need a website with info on potential hotels. Again, I was hoping to avoid that extra To-Do.
5) They do expect a rehersal dinner. Theres the problem. The wedding will be 20 people including me and groom and I don’t plan on even having a rehersal since there are so few people involved. A rehersal dinner is really just something I didnt plan on doing and I probably can’t afford. What do i do?
Post # 3
Rehearsal dinners by nature are inexpensive and casual. If all you can afford is pizza and soda for example then serve that. That is the route that most folks go and it is still a rehearsal dinner even if it’s not what some people choose to call it.
Post # 4
Maybe don’t consider it a Rehearsal dinner, and call it more of a “welcome bbq/pizza party/ whatever party”.
You could do what Selene221 said and order pizza, maybe bring some fun group games that could entertain the group for a couple of hours, and call it a done deal!
Post # 5
I didn’t have a “rehearsal dinner”. My wedding was last week, and we only had 20 guests too! Not all of them were part of the ceremony, so after the rehearsal, we just ordered 4 pizzas and soda and ate at my brother’s house.
Post # 6
I realize that you’re trying to be very considerate of those being invited; however, I would caution you about giving in to their requirements too much. You and your FI need to decide what your priorities and expectations are. If you don’t want to do a rehearsal dinner or send STDs – don’t!
Post # 7
Sweetie…. you can buy a cute dress at Target or an inexpensive store for about $20.00. A rehearsal dinner can be take out ( or better yet) pizza. It does not have to be fancy …..a wonderful home cooked meal is fantastic too and chicken is amazingly vertisile (spelling?) and a salad.
Enjoy your family and friends who want to celebrate with you. Don’t let cost get you down. I am a total bargin shopper and have found some amazing deals in clothing/decorative items at Goodwill.
Hugz, your day will be amazing…..just don’t let it stress you….. do what you can afford in terms of cost. People just want to be with you!!!!!!! Hugz, Maggie
Post # 8
First of all, it is your wedding, so you and your FI should have it the way you want to have it. It really doesn’t matter what other people want. If you don’t want to have activities and/or a rehearsal dinner, then don’t have them.
We are not having a rehearsal per se, we are just having a few people (the wedding party) over to our home the day before and ordering Chinese food and doing the rehearsal in the backyard, if the weather is nice or in our home, if the weather is not nice.
You don’t have to go all out for these people. If you want to set up a free website and list some activities that they can do on their own, then that might be nice, but totally not neccessary.
I would just let them know, this is what we want, and if you don’t like it, then you can do it for your wedding. People shouldn’t be dictating to you what your wedding should be.
Post # 9
I had a 35 person wedding and I did not have a rehearsal dinner. We went out to dinner the night before with our immediate families and MOH/best man, and it was no host. All but four of our guests were from out-of-town, and I did not see the point in having a rehearsal dinner when our wedding itself would be so rehearsal-dinner-like. I had also heard these suggestions of just getting a pizza, but that does not really work for a wedding that is not at home because you still need to find a place to eat the pizza. (I actually live in the town where I was married, but I live in a one-bedroom apartment, so having many people over would not have been a comfortable option.)
I agree with EvaBostonTerrier: It is your wedding, so do what you are comfortable with and communicate how things will be to your guests. That said, though, I do think it would be kind to research hotels and put together a list of hotels (even if you do not make a block), and possibly to put together a list of things to do in the area (even if you do not schedule “official” events or pay for the events). Those gestures could make it easier for your guests to make the big trip to your destination wedding.
Post # 10
We’re doing pizza too! I’m excited because it’s cheap, easy, and very FI and me.
But don’t stress about it… if you cannot afford it, then that’s the end of it and your friends need to respect that!
Post # 11
As far as the pizza route, if you don’t have an alternate location, you can eat it at the pizza parlor, as you would with any other restaurant you were going to. Many of them have private rooms you can rent out inexpensively.
Post # 12
You can take people out for pizza or cheap food at the restaurant, but that also depends on where you are. In the city I live in it would very difficult to get a table for 10+ people at a pizza parlor on a Friday night, and the pizza places in the city do not have private rooms (or if they do, they require a minimum order that is not cheap—they are not the kinds of private rooms intended for kids’ birthday parties). When we were looking to make just a reservation for a table for more than 10 people, some restaurants would not let us do so without guaranteeing a minimum per person order. Our guests were staying in the city and not renting cars, so going outside of the city was not an option. In some expensive locations, it is very difficult to have a dinner out anywhere for a large group on the cheap. I imagine this is especially true of someone wanting to spend $1,000 on their entire wedding. I really do not get the expectation of hosting a second dinner when you are already hosting a wedding. Since when does a wedding have to turn into a couple hosting an entire weekend’s worth of events?
And besides, my husband is lactose intolerant, so no matter what pizza was out for us :).
Post # 13
I think most ladies have covered the same thoughts I have. It is your wedding and do it 100% the way you want to do it. If you WANT to add the extras. Many wedding websites are free. I gave my guest suggestions of things that they could do in the city and organized a boat tour but if they want to attend THEY pay not me.
Post # 14
I’ve been to rehearsal dinners where we all split the check. THat may be an option, too, if you think your friends/family would be ok with it!
Post # 15
Wow, your friends sound very demanding. Are they going to be in your wedding or are they just coming as a guest to the wedding? If they’re just guests here is my idea. You can tell them a lot of these things via e-mail or phone.
6 months notice? Ok, give them an e-mail with the date, time, and place. The e-mail can also include a block of hotels that you have reserved (they pay of course). While it’s fun to have organized events, this is your wedding… the wedding is the organized event. If they want more, they can have fun on their own. That’s one of the fun things of being a guest, if you come early you and whoever else is with you can explore the new city on yout own. Why? Because you have lots of other things to do the day before your wedding.
Expecting a rehearsal dinner is normal. But it doesn’t mean you have to do one because they expect it. Kindly explain (because they’re friends) that there will be no rehearsal dinner. Explain that most of your family wil not be there the night before, and you have not planned a rehearsal dinner. You could tell them a few restaurants that they could try.
I know this may sound rude… but I honestly don’t think anyone should dictate what you do at your wedding just because they’re invited. Is it nice to have a dinner and send out formal invitations? Yes. But I wouldn’t sacrifice next month’s rent because your friends expect you to do things. They will understand if you explain I promise! They may be upset or offended for a few moments, but they’ll get over it!
**Note, if they’re IN your wedding, like bridesmaids or groomsmen, then things might be a little different. It’s not their choice to come to the wedding, it’s your request. Instead of a rehearsal dinner, maybe you could take them out to one of those nice restaurants I was talking about 🙂
Post # 16
Uh, this is YOUR wedding, not your friends’ wedding. Do what you want! I agree with the other posters, a rehearsal dinner does not need to be expensive. Mine was a homemade meal by my MIL, and my sister’s was pizza and salad. If you only have 20 guests, do an online STD. Make a free website if you feel one is needed (we didn’t have one, it’s not required). Since it’s out of town, suggesting nearby hotels is nice (also not required).