Can't Afford to Move Out…Am I the Only One?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
481 posts
Helper bee

We rarely fight or argue, but if anything happened between my partner and me, I’d have nowhere to go, either. I could’t afford to live on my own. I often worry that if he died, the cats and I would be homeless. I wish I could be of more help. These fights don’t sound healthy, though, and your husband sounds borderline emotionally abusive.

Post # 3
Member
3044 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

” Sometimes I feel like he would actaully put a fire under me if he just cut ties.”

Skinnie_minnie:  

I know you’re upset right now and that can really make it hard to get your thoughts and feelings out – but what do you mean by this line? Do you think he would become abusive? Please don’t put up with that, and please don’t let him make you feel trapped.

Nobody should ever be trapped with no way out. I would contact your local women’s shelter to ask them for help and advice on how to find yourself a place, often there is rent assistance available for women in your situation.

Hugs, and I hope life gets better soon.

Post # 4
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June, 2014

It’s been 4 months of marriage and he’s bringing up divorce. Yikes. I’d be looking for a way to become more financially independent. He’s given you reasons to do so. If he’s suspicious, that’s his own fault. 

Post # 5
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

If he is the primary breadwinner and you were to divorce, the laws in your area may entitle you to some form of alimony. While often not enough to pay for all of your living expenses, it can give you a boost while you’re getting on your feet. Look into those laws. Get a job if you don’t have one. if you have a job, get a second one. Start a savings account. More importantly, try to figure out why you two fight to the point that one wants to sleep elsewhere or that you’re considering divorce. It sounds like there are some serious problems in the relationship that are bigger than your not being able to get an apartment on your own.

Post # 6
Member
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

If me and my FI split up he would have nowhere to go but back to mommies and I will not allow all that time cutting the cord to allow him to move there. I would almost let him stay with me til he got on his feet if we were to break it off. (not like we would we are incredibly happy)

 

Post # 7
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

Skinnie_minnie:  when you said you were going to go to a relatives place once – are they nearby?

Should something happen would you not be able to stay there while you figure something out?

Do you have any friends you are close with who would be able to help you out?

Maybe start putting away $10 a week or whatever you can – just incase. Also look up womens shelters – again, just in case.

Post # 8
Member
6026 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

babeba:  I think the OP means if her husband split up with her, it would force her to stand on her own two feet (light a fire under someone’a arse = force them to take quick action)

Post # 9
Member
8016 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Why are you going into debt while he’s living comfortably? That’s not fair. Are your finances not combined at all?  If I were you I’d focus on finding a job so you can have some freedom and choices. The state of your relationship sounds pretty dire. Sorry bee.

Post # 10
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Skinnie_minnie:  

Your situation is exactly why I think women should be financially independent before marriage.

Being dependent on a partner makes people more vulnerable to abuse. I was once in an abusive relationship and the guy I was with would refuse to buy me FOOD when he knew I didn’t have money. He pulled that shit whenever I displeased him. He also said “I took you in off the street!” when I left my parents’ abusive home to stay with him for a bit.

That experience taught me never to rely on anyone financially. I realize that not all men will use money to control their wives, but it is best to have your own income so that you won’t be trapped in a bad situation should it occur.

Are you able to find work and obtain credentials if you do not have some already? Can you apply for social assistance until you get on your feet? I couldn’t afford to live on my own when I left my parents’ house and later my abusive ex’s home. I just knew that I had enough and I didn’t care how poor I was as long I had my own safe space. 

It isn’t fair that your husband runs to his parents’ house every time you fight. Not only is he disrespecting the privacy of your marriage by bringing his parents into your issues, he is also refusing to work towards solutions with compromise. Running away from conflict is not the way to solve it. Bringing up divorce when you argue controlling behavior and manipulation.

 

 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  amiona.
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