can't attend a wedding but the couple came to ours do i send gift?

posted 3 years ago in Reception
  • poll: do i send them a gift?
    yes, match the gift : (57 votes)
    90 %
    no, you didn't go so just a card will do : (3 votes)
    5 %
    other, explain : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 2
    8739 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    It’s always polite to send a gift and a card. You can send a gift card or buy from their registry and have it sent to them, that way there’s no issues in getting it to the reception.

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    Post # 3
    430 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    If I can’t make a wedding I always buy a gift off the registry.  

    Post # 4
    320 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I send a gift for every wedding to which I am invited, whether I can attend or not.

    Post # 5
    7157 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    A wedding present is not about paying someone back for your meal.  If the sentiment is there, of course you can and should send her something!   The only parameters are the closeness of the relationship and your budget. 

    Post # 6
    1178 posts
    Bumble bee

    You are not required to give a gift for a wedding you were invited to, but not attending. It’s completely optional. If you do choose to send a gift, you can decide which kind/how much to spend based on your relationship to the couple.

    Post # 7
    269 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    brideanjeza:  you should send a gift for every wedding that you are invited to regardless of whether or not you can attend.

    Post # 8
    4598 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    I would send a gift, or at least a card with a gift card to one of the stores that they registered at.

    Post # 9
    9938 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I couldn’t make it to a friend’s wedding, I wasn’t comfortable sending cash so I bought them a gift and mailed it.  They couldn’t make ours, they sent cash.

    Do whatever feels right to you.

    Post # 10
    1202 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I think you’ll look cheap if you don’t give them a gift.  I’d get them something off their registry.  Especially if they travelled or in any way helped out at your wedding.    

    Post # 11
    3276 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    brideanjeza:  I’m of the belief that even if you didn’t go, regardless if they came to yours, you send a gift with a card. You could also just send them a gift card or cash. I’ve done that in the past if I can’t attend. 

    Post # 12
    12009 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Weddings aren’t tit-for-tat.  Gift what you want to gift.  I always gift for any wedding, whether I attend or decline.

    Post # 13
    1072 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I would say send a similar gift if you can.

    Post # 14
    7157 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Xu:  To clarify my earlier post, you are entirely correct.  In fact, according to traditional etiquette,  gifts are always voluntary.

    However, from the perspective of the OP, if someone thinks enough of her to attend her wedding and to  give a gift as a symbol of affection, I’d think the relationship would be such that she’d be moved to send something.  

    Ditto from the POV of anyone attending the wedding of someone close to them. 

    Post # 15
    1178 posts
    Bumble bee

    weddingmaven:  There is nothing in the OP that states the guests that gifted the OP did so out of closesness and affection, or if done out of obligation or that they thought that’s what the etiquette was. That’s something the OP would be able to better determine, and act accordingly.

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