(Closed) Can’t attend wedding; is it rude to attend the bachelorette or a shower?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1725 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

If you are invited to the bachelorette party and are able to go but are not able to attend her wedding, I don’t see why you shouldn’t choose to attend the party! At least you’ll be able to celebrate w/ her somehow

Post # 4
Hostess
18646 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think that’s rude.  Not everyone can attend a far away wedding.  I just think it’s rude if you are invited to the shower and bachelorette but not the wedding.

Post # 5
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Nope, not weird at all. I’ve been in a similar situation with an OOT wedding for a friend who is local. Even though I could not attend the wedding, I still attended the bachelorette and shower (both local) to celebrate with my friend.

Post # 6
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

As long as you are invited, it’s totally fine to attend. Travel is expensive and most couples understand that not everyone can make it to an out of town wedding. You should really try to send a card and gift for the wedding though. I bet your friend would really appreciate that.

Post # 7
Member
46159 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s totally acceptable to attend any pre-wedding events to which you are invied.

Post # 8
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I don’t think its weird!  I had a friend who only came to my bachelerette party as couldn’t make the wedding and I loved having her there I was so glad she came 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2067 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Go for it! Celebrate with her 🙂

Post # 10
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

If you were my friend and couldn’t make it to my wedding I’d definitely want you at my bachelorette or shower! If you were able to make it to those but didn’t go I might feel a little like you didn’t want to celebrate with me. Go party and show the love!

Post # 12
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t think it’s rude at all. If any of my guests couldn’t make the wedding, I’d be excited if they could come to the shower or bachelerette so I could at least celebrate with them in some manner.

Post # 13
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree! I would definitely want you there! My BFF is getting married in June and having a small ceremony and recepetion (50 ppl). If they invited their entire family it would be like 250. And they don’t believe want that many people. But she invited everyone to the engagement party, and all the ladies to the bachelorette and shower. People didn’t seem to have any problem with it.

Post # 14
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Sure, this way you get to celebrate with her even if you can’t be at the wedding.

Post # 15
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Agree with everyone else – I’m sure your friend would love to have you there at whatever you can make it to!

Just make sure if you’re attending the bachelorette, you kick in the same as everyone else is for whatever events are planned. And if you go to the shower, you should of course bring a gift.

Additionally, even though you’re not going to the wedding, etiquette would probably dictate that you send a gift (especially if you’re attending the pre-wedding functions). It doesn’t have to be a huge gift. But something. When we can’t make it to a wedding, if we’re not super close to the couple, we usually choose something in the $40-60 price range from their registry. Everything is relative, obviously, but its definitely considerate to send something, even if its one of the smaller items on the registry.

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