Post # 1
My bestfriend got engaged in April and asked me to be her bridemaid, which of course I agreed to (I moved overseas and wedding is near Xmas) Fast forward a few months and I was blessed to discover I was pregnant, whilst it wasnt ‘unplanned’ it happened very fast (due to scar tissue from my appendix rupturing I was told it may take me longer than expected to fall pregnant) I am now 10 weeks and I have a rough 6 weeks or so. I have been very sick and been to hospital a few times with spotting, cramping to be told no heartbeat and then magically one appeared! I ahve been incedibly anxious and nervous the whole time, reality is now hitting me that I have to do a 24 hour flight whilst I am 18 weeks pregnant of which I am petrified (Firstly, I am a very nervous flyer and usually take Valium to calm me down, secondly, due to work commitments my husband cannot come with me and thirdly, I will only be in the country for about 5 days as I do not have any annual leave left) My husband and father are very vocal about me not flying, especially with the issues i have had and having travelled with me they know I get panic attacks and they are concerned the added stress this will add.
I guess an option I am left with is to tell her I cannot come, having eloped I am not sure around the planning and effort this will cost her. I want to go but don’t want to put my physical and mental health at risk, nor my baby. I have been friends with her for about 20 years and cannot imagine my life without her, if I tell her I cannot come I am scared I will lose her. Can anyone give me some advice please??????
Post # 3
@CartersMum: Most important now is the health of your unborn baby and YOU. You dont need stress or worry constantly about wedding, bridesmaid, flying etc. I suggest you be honest and tell her the truth. If she doesn’t understant then that’s on her. You worry about your health for now.
Post # 4
I would just tell her the truth. If it were my close friend and she explained to me all that you are going through, I would be disappointed that she couldnt be my bridesmaid but Id be much more concerned with her health.
Post # 5
If you have been friends for 20 years, of course you won’t lose her! Don’t be silly! She wants the best for your baby, too, right?! Just tell her how sorry you are, and ask her if there are any costs you can cover. Tell her the truth, and that you really wish you could be there. I am sure she will be sad, but she’ll get over it.
Then, do your best to send a gift/surprise for every occasion (shower, bachelorette, wedding) to show her that you really care. With the money you will be saving by not traveling or buying a dress, you can afford to send heartfelt gifts.
Don’t worry, it’s not good for your itty bitty peanut! Congratulations also!
Post # 6
How does your doctor feel about you flying? If he’s fine with it, I don’t think a flight at 18 weeks is going to hurt the baby!
Post # 7
@CartersMum: to be honest … I would be crushed but then immediatley get over it! Do not worry a bit! The health of you and your baby are no.1 priority. She will agree. She has to agree. Nothing is as important as someone’s ( or 2) health. I’m sorry your missing out too and congrats! Best wishes for a healthy delivery and bundle of joy!
Post # 8
I had similar situation this past year. My BF asked me to be a bridesmaid, she knew I was planning and became pregnant. Her wedding was a month after my due date. The thought of dress searching and stressing to lose weight after made me super anxious. I was honest with her and told her I want to enjoy my pregnancy stress free, I dont want to stress about loosing weight right after. She was sad but understood. I offered my help in other places of wedding with donating money. We are good 🙂
Post # 9
Forget what your dad and your husband are saying… do you want to go? Do you think YOU could handle the flight? If the answer is yes, consider it!
Post # 10
It’s your husband’s baby too, and if he’s uncomfortable with the thought of what the stress of flying could do to the baby, you need to take that into consideration. As for your friend, just explain to her exactly what you’ve told us – she’ll be disappointed, but if she’s a true friend she’ll be so excited about you having a baby, and she’ll definitely want you to make your own health (and your baby’s health) your number one priority.
Post # 11
@CartersMum: Breath honey, she loves you for 20 years she will understand… If you have not told her about the baby yet, tell her and about some of the heath risks spotting and stuff thats been happening, how stress is a no no and it does not seem safe to fly given your heath concers and the baby
She will be sad you can’t be there yes but she will understand completely and will be thrilled when she gets to meet your baby
don’t worry she will understand … I would, I bet you would too if the shoe was on the other foot … you have a new life growing in you it comes before everything
just tell her with time for her to prep if she needs someoen to fill in for you
good luc with everything hope you have a heathy happy little one soon and congratulations
Post # 12
@CartersMum: As a fellow nervous flyer im totally with you! We had a trip planned for December but when I found out im pregnant I decided no way. I’d also be worried about the stress affecting the baby. If she’s a good friend shell understand. Do offer to cover expenses and send thoughtful gifts. A good friend couldn’t go to my wedding but I was touched by her gift.
Post # 13
I honestly can’t see your friend being mad at you for this, unless she’s a completely horrible person. Your health, and the health of your unborn child, are extremely important. She will understand this, seriously. I hope the rest of your pregnancy is easier. 🙂 Congratulations!
Post # 14
well, my opinion…if she truly is your friend…she will totally understand. If I was you, I wouldn’t do it either…that’s a really long flight and while your pregnancy isn’t that far along (if you were further along I would say no) with the issues you have been having and have flying…it don’t think it’s a good idea. It wouldn’t be healthy for you to get upset flying.
I wouldn’t worry about it too much…if she’s a good friend, she will understand…she may disappointed…well, I’m sure she will be, but it will work out.
Post # 15
I had a friend tell me she couldn’t be in my wedding because if her pregnancy (not nearly as stressful as yours, she is just due very close to my wedding date). I completely understood, and I am SO excited for her new little one! If she is your friend, that will also be her reaction.
Post # 16
I’m sure she will understand. Just make sure to tell her as soon as possible for planning purposes.