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I went to a Bachelorette party on Saturday and while at a bar, the bride-to-be started conversing with some guys who were celebrating a Bachelor party. They invited us to the bar next door where they were hosting a private party, free drinks etc. Well, none of us girls knew that also included female entertainment!
I've never seen female strippers before, so my jaw was on the floor basically the whole time! I've not been to a strip club before either, so I don't know what's normal or not...but these strippers were doing some pretty hardcore stuff.
Anyway, the point of this post is while some of the guys were really into it and were watching the whole time, about half of the guys didn't even seem too interested at all! In fact, it almost seemed like two parties. One in the back with the strippers, and another at the front with the bachelorette party. About half of the guys cared more about just chatting with us girls, rather than oogling at the strippers!
Most of us bachelorette party girls thought that was pretty amusing. I thought it was REALLY interesting that half the guys were more interested in the "real" girls in the front, rather than the ones in the back.
I don't have a problem with my FI visiting strip clubs, (although that might have been an "ignorance is bliss" mentality since I really didn't know what happened there) but my faith in "good guys" was really proven again on Saturday.
Edit: not that guys who were interacting with the strippers were "bad" by any means...but, you know what I mean.
Yay for the good guys! Plus I kind of like the stripper thing because I am positive I will never be doing anything they do and my guy can get it out of his system through watching them. Yay for other girls doing the crazy "look my leg is all the way behind my head" move, leaving me freedom to keep my legs below my waist.
Both me and the boy have vowed to not have any stripper type people at our parties. (I've also threatened my girls that there will be no uh "male shaped things" there either) Seriously.
Good post! I'm not worried about the stripper thing, either. My FI would much rather drink beer with the guys on a float trip than hang out at a strip joint. And I'm confident enough in our relationship that, if he were to set foot in one with a few guys (for a bachelor party), he's not going to run away with Sassy Woodriver. :)
I've let me girls know I don't want anything involving a male stripper. I also told FI I wasn't really happy with the idea of him having them. He's going to Vegas with friends for his bachelor party. I know most of them so I'm hoping they'll respect our wishes and keep it stripper-free.
I haven't really said either way, but I know Mr. Sunbeam is nervous about going to a strip club. A friend of mine said her husband's underwear band was broken by a stripper pulling on it at a club trying to get him to into the scene. Not the best way to go lady. I think if either of us end up in one we're hoping it's for about 10 minutes and then we move on. We definitely don't want seeing strippers to be the main event.
I'm really torn on this subject. I trust my fiance but I do not like the idea of him being at a strip club. However, I know his friends are adamant about taking him to the strip club. So I'm trying to accept it and just have faith in him.
My guy just had his bachelor party this past weekend. He had requested no strippers, but of course they didn't listen and took him to a strip club. He said he just sat at a table and chatted with other friends of his who were equally not interested. Some of the other guys got lap dances and tried to make him get one on stage (he said no thanks). I tried to get him to tell me who got the lap dances, but he wouldn't. I have a feeling it was guys who have girlfriends, but its none of my business so I didn't press him.
He said the club they took him to was a "classy" place (if you can ever call a strip club classy?) and that most of the time, the strippers had their clothes on. He said he actually saw very few boobies and felt like you really had to be paying attention. I think there are differing degrees of strip club, I have been to a couple hard-core ones and yeah, very raunchy >.<
I can't say I like the idea of a strip club, or my significant other going to one, but I trust him when he says he isn't interested and it doesn't bother me too much. If I were in a strip club I would look at the boobies too, since they'd be everywhere o.O!!
Mr. Fro Yo feels just like Mr. Sunbeam. They make him nervous. I'm pretty sure he'll hit the golf course and a Rangers baseball game. Not really your typical bachelor party, but hey that's what makes him happy, so why not?
HA, well, I started the other debate so I guess I should comment 
It really bothered me when FH went to a strip club for his best friend's bachelor party. It's going to really bother me when he goes to one for his. ICK. But he has promised me he will only go for bachelor parties and won't get a lap dance. So I guess that's a compromise. But it still bothers me...
I'm pretty sure if FI ends up at a strip club during his bachelor party (likely, since it's in Vegas) that he didn't actually want to go there but was coerced by his groomsmen. I know his ideal weekend is just drinking and playing craps with his friends, and he's a bit of a germaphobe: I know he thinks the whole concept is gross, so I don't mind if he goes to a strip club! ;) But I would really rather not hear about it, to be honest. That's between him and his groomsmen (and his conscience ;) and I'd just rather not wonder what went down.
From stories I've heard, there is a big difference between going to the strip club and ordering a stripper to come to your house/hotel/etc. The strip club has pretty strict rules but when you "order" one...who knows what could go down...the whole thing makes me pretty uncomfortable too.
I have no issue if my FI wants to go for his bachelor party. In fact, he's never been to one, so I keep offering to take him, but he's not interested. lol. But the offer will stand if he ever wants to.
It's good to know there are stripper guys and non-stripper guys out there =]. I encouraged my guy to go, joked it was a right of passage and that I honestly really didn't care, but he had no interest. I said no biggee! It's just a preference I guess. I wonder how many of the interested v non-interested guys were single?
The ones that come to the house are basically escorts. I have heard many stories from guy friends. I told my FI no strippers that come to the house, he can go to a strip club. I would much prefer no strippers, but I don't want to sound too controlling and let him have his night. I also told him that what ever allowances he makes for himself, I will be allowed to do the same.
Personally, I wouldn't mind just having dinner with my friends for my bachelorette party. The whole bachelor party thing is just such a weird situation to me, you want them to have their fun but at the same time your man being grinded on by a naked girl is hard to swallow.
My husband's been there done that and so have most of his friends. We opted for a weekend together with our closests friends and a fishing trip.
I've never been to a strip club so I've always been a little curious. Your recap doesn't surprise me though. Half my guy friends are really into that kind of stuff, and the other half aren't interested at all. My FI's bacherlor party was this weekend and he swears that he didn't go to one. I told him over and over that it was fine but he said he didn't want to go. He had a very manly party, going to the shooting range and drinking lots of beers.
@MsMarch: I felt the same way about FI going to a strip club rather than having a stripper come to a house/bar etc. and what I saw on Saturday confirmed that! Although the first two strippers had a pretty tough looking bodygaurd...who was watching very closely the whole time, they still managed to do some REALLY raunchy stuff. I literally could NOT believe my eyes. Plus, they were full out, "buttnakid" in like, 2.5 seconds. yuck. And there was A LOT of participation with the guys...I feel like maybe in a club it's more the strippers are on stage or you have to pay etc. for a lap dance??
and then, when we thought it was all said and done, another girl comes walking in. No bodygaurd. One of the hosts told us they got her from craigslist...so I have no idea what she was willing to do. We left soon after that...and by that point only a handful of guys were watching...and participating.
I think my FI really wants to do Vegas. We watched the Hangover and everyone decided that he was most like the nerdy dentist (except for the crazy girlfriend!) but that made me nervous. Was my FI the type that sober is a great smart guy but marries a stripper and pulls his tooth out while totally wasted?!
I'm just glad that one of the best men does not drink so he'll be there to make sure every gets home in one piece :)
I don't tell my bf "no" on anything, you know? The thing with stripper threads/bachelor party threads that seems kind of weird to me is that there are always women who comment things like "I tell my FI 'No' to X, but I allow him to do 'Y'"
My b/f does what he wants to do, he's a grown man. He doesn't need my permission or blessing to do what he chooses. Personally, I could care less about him going to see strippers-- I've been to see them myself, but that's not really the issue I'm concerned about here. I see this sort of "mother-child" dynamic emerging in topics like this one, where brides think they are allowed to dictate what their FI is "allowed" to do. Where does that come from? Isn't that dangerous territory for your relationship to get into?
I hope that my b/f always considers my feelings in any choices he makes, and if he didn't do that regularly, then we wouldn't be dating! Of course, he does, and that's what makes him a wonderul man to be with. But I would never ever think to "tell him no" about something. That's for his mother to do, not his SO.
It just really irks me when I hear grown women dictating what their boyfriends, fiances, husbands are "Allowed" to do or not do. They aren't adolescents! Either you trust them or you don't, but they shouldn't have to ask permission from you.
not everyone is into that. my guy isn't. i joked with him about having one of those girls pop out of the cake at his bachelor party and he said that'd be for the other guys, not him. though he'd be much happier sitting at home playing video games with everyone. he's more chill like that. i think some guys feel the need for that kind of party because it's what they think has to happen. who knows.
I'm not cool with it and I trust my guy totally. If you are you getting married to the "woman of your dreams" and you are looking to be satisfied by her, why tempt yourself and whet your apetite with sexual images of other women? If at any time, do that before you get into a serious relationship, not after. Thankfully me and Mr. Kolabee spoke about this and it was basically not an issue- neither of us was for having strippers. He told me they behaved- he knows all hell will break lose if lying enters the picture- we spoke about that at the beginning of our relationship- honesty and trustworthiness is A MUST; otherwise that just leads to insecurity. I can't deal with liars
Kind of an interesting result at your party! I also have been involved with bachelor parties when out with a group of girls. I can't decide what I think about the subject of strippers, though. I'm leaning toward the side that guys will be guys and even when they say they're not interested, they are. I know that's kind of putting them down, but it runs both ways.
When my SO's best friend got married in June, I know there was a strict NO STRIPPER rule for both parties. Which wasn't an issue - the parties ended up becoming one by the end of the night anyway.
I don't have a problem with there being a stipper if he wants one at his bachelor party ... but obviously it would be an issue for some of his friends and their SOs. And he doesn't really want one there either (nor does he want to go to a strip club). So I guess everyone is happy.
@texaslaw girl: while I'm not going to say I'm speaking for all the posters here, I think that when women say "I tell my FI no to something" I think they usually mean I'm telling my FI what I'm comfortable with him doing, and going to a strip club, or having strippers does not fall into the range of what I'm comfortable with.
While I agree that we're all adults, that doesn't mean that we can't have certain levels or boundaries of what we're comfortable with our FI participating in. And if my FI respects me at all, he'll respect what I'm comfortable/ not comfortable with. I have the same respect for him. If he says, "I'm not comfortable with you going to a bar and having a one night stand" I don't take that as, he's trying to be my daddy and tell me what to do, I take that as, he's telling me what behavior he expects out of me to trust me.
I don't think it's these women's mindsets that they are trying to treat their SO like a son.
I agree that that what they mean to say may be "I'm not comfortable with that/I would rather you not make that choice, etc" but what I'm hearing is " You are not allowed to do that." which is very different, IMO.
I hear that sort of permission-granting or denying stuff from women about their boyfriends behavior often, and not just on this board.
Just yesterday a friend was complaining to me that her boyfriend had started using dip tobacco. She said she "forbid" him from using it, and she better not "catch him doing it again".
I just think its a slippery slope before your SO resents you for trying to constantly supervise him like a child. The language that women use to tell their SO that they aren't comfortable with a choice they are making often veers more into "You are not allowed to do that, and if I catch you doing it then...." rather than "Please think of how it makes me feel when you do that. It hurts me and I wish you would reconsider"
Texaslaw, like I said, I don't speak for the other posters, but I do agree with you about using specific language to tell your FI how you feel about certain things.
My FI and I try to be respectful of each other and I think that means not trying to control each other's actions or forbid one another from doing something. Rather, we just make sure we're each aware of what we're comfortable with /what we prefer.
@texaslawgirl: You're right. People are individuals and will choose what they will want to do and SHOULD choose for themselves. BUT I think some couples discuss what they aren't comfortable with their significant other doing and that's normal. It IS a relationship and something that concerns the other person should always be considered and spoken of. Women who say "I don't ALLOW..." are blind to see that people will do whatever they want in the end and can always lie about it. And you're right, it sounds more of a mother-son relationship where there is control over one person.
I don't view telling my FI what I feel comfortable or uncomfortable with as telling him what to do. He can listen to my feelings, and is free to make his own decision.
For the record, FI totally shares my views on the at home stripper thing. I trust my FI and if I can't trust him around a stripper I shouldn't trust him. I am more worried about his friends setting him up in a very uncomfortable situation with an escort. He also said he doesn't want to be put in that position- so WE AGREED no at home strippers.
DH would likely die of embarassment were someone to try and take him to a strip club. He's very shy, and a very private person, so it's just not his thing.
That said, I think my position would be I'd be ok w/ it for things like B-parties, but if my guy was super into them, I'd probably be uncomfortable.
vegasbaby, i second your response to texaslawgirl: i think most posters (and I include myself bc i had one of those comments) don't "tell their FH's what to do." If I told him what to do, I would have said "You can't go to a strip club." Instead, it's about telling him what I am comfortable with him doing and what I am not. Which is not any other dynamic other than that of two adults in a mature relationship who can express what makes them uncomfortable. I'm sorry that his really "irks you" when you read those posts but that was felt like kind of an unnecessarily agressive attack...
@TexasLawGirl~ I agree with you 100%. It also seems that a lot of the stories I hear are from the woman who "don't allow" them to go. Ironic.
Strip clubs are not that popular where I live and even if they were, my fiancé has no interest in them.
There is no "you are not allowed to do this or else" in our household. Neither of us respond very well to that. But, it is VERY common amongst some of our friends. I have girlfriends who just come out and TELL their SO's they are or are not allowed to do X, Y, and Z, and I've seen a lot of bragging like "my SO listens to me b/c" when in reality it makes her sound like she owns him or vice versa, if the shoe is on the other foot. So in reality, this does happen.
BUT if either of us knew how strongly the other felt about an issue (ie he knows how I feel about if he started smoking), I think it makes us WANT to please the other person by doing what they want and are more reciprocating to that because there was no blatant demand on it. Personally I feel more like "oh i don't want to hurt him" versus "ugh i hate him telling me what I can/can't do"
For the record, I told DH he coudl smoke overseas during his deployment and he did smoke cigars, but that's it. I didn't want to be brought up in conversation with his friends to be all, "oh my wife said i can't smoke, but buah ha ha I am!"
@ejs~ I totally know what you mean about telling the friends and not wanting to be "that" wife. LOL.
You know, I work with ALL men who have been married a long time and they all crab about their wife occassionally and I mostly hear "she won't allow me to do X" or "I have to ask permission" followed by a sigh and an eye roll.
Some of it's good natured, but one guy's wife is a nutritionist and he's commented, "oh my wife won't let me go to Blimpie's"....i know that salt is on his not-allowed list.
My coworkers always tell me not to go telling my new husband what to do. I just go, "nah, he's a big boy! he's got a brain!" But i also realize that I have things he likes, too, that i can use to persuade him. Of course I don't tell my 50 year old coworkers this . Me, manipulative? Noooo
ejs-- I think that's what I'm getting at. It just seems like an emerging trend with women "telling" their partners what they are "allowed" to do. I think you hit the nail on the head, it should be more about wanting to keep your partner happy of your own free will, rather than giving your partner a directive of what they may or may not do.
And rungirl, I'm sorry you felt my post was unnecessiarily "aggressive", but I disagree with you. It's an issue I feel strongly about and I think I approached it in a respectful manner.
Wedding Bee is supposed to be a positive and supportive environment. This thread is on the topic of bachelor parties and how brides feel about them not control issues or emerging trends.
@texaslawgirl, I thought you were fine, too. It's one thing to stress "i really really don't want you to ____" because it is hurtful and/or against my beliefs (or whatever valid reason you choose to use) but there IS a growing trend of "you are NOT allowed to do ____" sometimes followed by "becaue I say so" (and i haaaate that line)
I'm not sure if it's women becoming stronger/more independent or what (and the whole traditional roles of men doing "Manly stuff" because men are men and grunt and drink beer or have you not), but I particularly notice it amongst my younger friends. I think some of it's them trying to exert control but not necessarily handling it the best way possible. And let's face it, there's a big stipulation about being "whipped" nowadays and women (and men!) are applauded by their friends for having an SO who does what they want or that their SO "knows better". All I can say is that I do see it and it is around and I hate when people say that, too, so I am with you on that one.
I have friends who use this line for strip clubs and guess who goes and "defies" their SO? Yeah. Probably just to be spiteful, too, in his "my woman doesn't tell me what to do!" tirade. Meh, you know what I mean, I got off topic.
That being said, I think control does relate to a lot of strip club issues in general and I think *HOW* we approach the topic with our SO's can significantly affect the outcome. So we should all remember that, if anything, from these last few digressing posts
I am in the "he isn't allowed to" camp. I don't think it is a mother-child dynamic. It is about very clearly letting him know that these are my boundaries and if he wants to be in a relationship with me then he will respect them. I am not judging other people, and it isn't a trust issue. It is just past my comfort level to have my husband participate.
For me, my issue isn't so much about the strippers themselves. I just don't agree with what the strip club bachelor party seems to stand for. It is all about the "last night of freedom" and the notion that a man has to get it out of his system because his bride to be is somehow inadequate. There is an undertone of humiliating/degrading the bride, that I find really disturbing. So he went to a baseball game and out drinking, instead.
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