- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 2017
My “ex” has been contacting me daily since I found out, using checking up our child as a way to get us to stay in contact. There have been so many heart to heart talks the first few days so I now see why things happened the way they did. He felt I was rushing him along in our relationship instead of going at his pace. He said he loved me but only moved in, proposed, etc. to make me happy. There have been plenty of times when I have given him outs and apologized for pressuring him into a serious relationship when he clearly wasn’t ready but I didn’t want to be one of those women waiting years while we had been living together and had a child together.
He is asking for time to sort his head out and to meet up in a few weeks to talk in person. He has apologized for ruining our relationship for a fling. He thinks we can work this out and he says he has been thinking of ways to fix this but he doesn’t think we should re-enter a relationship right away. I agree to that. I really don’t trust him and I am still hurt that he threw away us for nothing. I told him that I don’t want to be with him right now.
He has still not sent in the marriage license, but I don’t think it matters. If it isn’t returned in 60 days, then it is void. I think he doesn’t want to send the license in because he doesn’t want to end this. I told him that as soon as I knew the license was in, I would be filing for an annulment.
Not giving my ex an excuse, but I have been the one all along wanting to go the next step. He was never ready, even though he is in his 30s. He was living with his mom while we were dating and then floated from her house to my house when I told him I wanted him to move in. This is his first true time being out on his own supporting himself. His mother and I don’t get along and I found out she was encouraging him to date the girl, that he didn’t want to marry me and have regrets. She even googled reasons to call wedding off and told him our situation fits every one and was discouraging him from helping me pay for the wedding. He is a big mommas boy and speaks to his mother about 5 x a day about everything in his life.
Yep- I know, why would you want to be with someone like that… well when his mother isn’t interfering, we actually have a good relationship. Him moving out of state would have been good for us to establish our family unit without her constantly in our faces. I admit, he has a lot of growing up to do but we have made big strides since we have been in couple’s counseling before.
This is a crazy situation. Maybe some of you bees have figured out who I am by certain details but I am still trying to remain anonymous as I am still in a lot of emotional pain. He has hurt me beyond belief but I do love him and am hopeful we can repair this, for us and our child. Our friends still don’t know what happened. We are still facebook married and etc.
I don’t know. I want advice but then I just want someone to listen. I know everyone’s first reaction is to leave but it is hard when you have given 5 years and a child. We are not together right now, I have made that very loud and clear to him. Our relationship is over. But he still contacts me every day about our son as he always did when we were together. I believe it is only a matter of time until he starts talking about us again but then again, maybe he won’t and he is just trying to keep in daily touch with his kid.He will still be on child support. I got that ball rolling and will not take him off unless we are married. He knows that there is no changing my mind there. I am trying to figure out his motivations for not letting me move on and I can’t.