Post # 1
- Wedding: July 2015 - Golf Course
Hi Bees! I need your opinions. I’m having a super tough time deciding who my MOH will be… We originally planned on having a DW wedding and in that case I was just going to choose my cousin and FI would have his brother as his best man, but now we are planning to be local, and can therefore have a wedding party.
I feel somewhat obligated to choose my cousin because she is family. However, we are not nearly as close as we used to be, we hardly ever talk, and she is a little flaky tbh.
My ideal choice would be one of my two closest friends, but then the problem arises of picking between the two of them. One of them is extremely excited for my wedding (she lives vicariously through me sometimes because she desparately wants a boyfriend and marriage, etc.) but she has a very hectic life right now and I’m not sure she would be up for MOH duties. However, she would be crushed if I picked the other friend over her. My second friend would be more understanding if I picked “Friend A”, but I think she would do a better job (she’s more stable, able to plan, etc.).
I just feel that I can’t pick between the two without one feeling slighted, but I honestly don’t really want my cousin for the job.
The only other option that was suggested by my FMIL when I spoke with her about my dilemma (me and FI live with his parents, we’re pretty close) is to pick my FBIL’s wife as my matron of honour (she’s very good at planning at all those kinds of things) but we aren’t super close or anything.
Thoughts and suggestions? 🙂 Thanks!
Post # 3
it is your wedding… You should go with your heart! Just you have a family member in your wedding party doesnt automatically mean she has to be the maid of honour.
Pick whoever you feel the most comfortable with and trust the most! At the end of the day they are all going to be really excited to be able to share in your special day!
Post # 4
@FutureFong: What “duties” do you think your friend wouldn’t be up to?
It is also an option to not have a MOH. Not everyone does.
Post # 5
@FutureFong: I say forget about “duties” and pick who you’re closest to.
(Or have no MOH at all, simply call all your bridal party members bridesmaids).
Post # 6
@FutureFong: Maybe don’t have a MOH? Tell all your ladies how much you love them equally and just couldn’t choose. Then they can split the “duties” if they want.
Post # 7
@FutureFong: Selecting bridesmaids/MOH is so stressful/hard!! I have had my own troubles…..
I wouldn’t go with your cousin at all, you should never choose someone because you feel like you should! Think about the person you want right beside you on the biggest day of your life, and go with who your heart tells you! I know it’s hard to put other people’s feelings aside, but if they are your close friends then I’m sure they will understand! I also wouldn’t pick someone based on who may do a better “job.” I understand your concern, but that shouldn’t be the deciding factor. The decision should be soley based upon your relationship with that person in my opinion 🙂 Also, I’m sure the other bridesmaids will come together to help/support whoever you choose!
Post # 8
@FutureFong: Just have them both do it together! I couldn’t pick either because my bridesmaids are equally special/beautiful friends to me and I wouldn’t rank one over another so i’m actually not having an official MOH at all! You can do whatever you like, its your wedding 😉
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2015 - Golf Course
Wow I didn’t know it was a thing to not have a MOH… Would it be weird if my FI still had a best man?
Post # 10
Think about the duties you expect your MOH to have FIRST – my MOH is only responsible for showing up the day of my wedding with dress on, bouquet in hand. Therefore, I picked my very best friend (I would have any ways) who lost her job and isnt able to plan anything, but she is my rock.
Post # 11
Your wedding should be a celebration and not cause hurt feelings. If your cousin is going to be offended, I would have no MOH. But if she’ll be fine, I would go to your second friend, and explain the situation. You had a terrible time choosing but your first friend is going to be offended if she’s not MOH, so you are forced to pick her. Then go to your first friend and ask her to be MOH, but let her know she can decline because her schedule is so very busy.
If you’re having bridesmaids, I think a MOH is a good idea. She’s like the captain of the team. But sparing the feelings of your loved ones is more important, so you might just skip it.
Post # 12
@FutureFong: nope, not wierd – i don’t think. honestly, as long as you stress that you love them all equally and you didn’t want to choose between them, no one else is going to pay attention that your fi had a best man and groomsmen and you have bridesmaids.
also – you could give each one a special task. the flaky one can hold your bouquet cause she can’t possibly flake on that, the organized one could take control of the shower/hold the rings/keep everyone on schedule another can make a speech, etc.
Post # 13
@FutureFong: If it were me I would have both my friends! I have a Matron and Maid of honor. My Matron of honor is a planner for sure and a good friend for 9 years but my maid of honor has been my friend for 2 years and is sooooo excited for my wedding. It worked out pretty perfect