Post # 1
My FI proposed to me about a week ago and I’m stuck with some serious wedding indecision. I’m not necessarily expecting to make up my mind yet, but any advice or sharing of similar stories might help me out a bit.
FI doesn’t really have any strong feelings about what kind of wedding we’d like, so I guess he’s as much on the fence as I am. Here’s the thing: I love wedding websites and weddings in general, and I think it would be a lot of fun to plan my own wedding. Then again, i’m very shy and dislike being the center of attention and sometimes think that it’d be more trouble and stress than it’s worth. Plus weddings can be very expensive and I’m not sure I want to spend all that money on what would essentially be a big party for us. I’m pretty torn between wanting the fun and excitement of having a wedding vs just going to the courthouse and getting it over with. At the end of the day, it’s more about the marriage than the wedding, so maybe my indecision stems from the fact that I guess either of those two options would be okay. I feel like weddings are a lot of fun (plus, I’d love to wear a wedding dress– when else would I be able to wear something so fancy?!) but I just can’t decide if it’s worth it.
We were considering having a destination wedding (he is Dutch and we would love to have a very small wedding in the Netherlands) but it would be so expensive for our immediate family and best friends to fly out that I have a feeling they would not appreciate it very much if we decided to have a wedding that was cost-prohibitive to attend. Still, I feel like it’d be a good mix of wedding fun without the overwhelming attention of so many people. And then we’d get to start enjoying our honeymoon in Europe right away. So I just really have no idea what we should do.
So have any of you guys struggled with these feelings before of wondering whether you should do the whole wedding or not? We won’t have to decide anything for a few months (in the midst of trying to buy a house right now, official planning will commence after that’s sorted out) but I was just hoping for some advice or encouragement.
TL;DR : Weddings are awesome but not sure if it’s too much money/stress/overwhelming attention for me. Wondering if skipping it altogether would result in regrets.
Post # 3
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
@beanowl: Congratulations on your recent engagement!! 🙂
The best advice I received was from FI’s best man: do what you and your fiancé want; no matter what you do, something will always make someone (other than the both of you) unsatisfied.
Here are my own pros of having a DW:
– You get to spend more time with your guests, especially if you decide to have a casual breakfast the next day. I just attended a cousin’s DW in Southeast Asia last December. It was really nice to see family I haven’t seen in over 10 years!
– Guests would not run away right after dinner is done. (This is particularly true in most Chinese banquets; cultural norm, I suppose!) It could also double as vacation for your guests.
– The location is meaningful to us.
– I am looking to spend at least $2k to charter a bus for 50 guests.
– FI is speculating that nobody would come because it’s too far. (6 hours drive for us)
– Elderly with mobility issues would not be able to attend — however, I have read on Offbeat Bride how they got to watch the ceremony live via Skype. (The laptop got front row seat)
Did I run into any objections while planning a (semi) destination wedding? Yep! A lot of other DW brides encountered similar problems. Here is the thread I started. (http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/any-dw-brides-encountering-this-problem)
However, I could never see myself plan a vow renewal. So, I kinda just want to get it done once — no second receptions. Even if it ends up with fewer guests and just the two of us, we’re sticking to our venue.
Post # 4
@beanowl: I’d go for the dress, it doesn’t have to cost a fortune, but like you said ‘when else are you going to get to dress up like this?’. I’d say for now just enjoy being engaged, it’s a great feeling. Don’t even think of planning your wedding right now, just enjoy being engaged with the love of your life. DW are aresome, but can quite easily be more expensive than a ‘regular’ wedding. Above all as long as the two of you are on the same page, then ignore everyone else who will provvide you well meaning but confusing advice.
Post # 5
Thanks ladies for your advice! <3
I read that thread you linked, Cynderbug, and I found it pretty interesting. You guys have given me a lot to think about and I’m glad I have some time to mull it over. I’ll post about it again eventually when he and I have made a decision. 🙂
Post # 6
@beanowl: Congrats on the engagement! My advice is to not decide now, enjoy being engaged. It’s a fun and great time, you’re going to have the rest of your lives to be married so enjoy this time. Not everyone is into the whole center of attention (myself being one of them), in that case I’d suggest a small wedding party rather than a big get together. Think of it as a initimate party with your friends. One of the most stressful parts for the non-look-at-me group is dress shopping. I’d suggest that you go with a small group or alone and do several small visits rather than doing it all at once. (That’s as far as I’ve gotten so far so I can’t give you advice beyond that). But above all enjoy yourself! Congrats!
Post # 7
Yes, we won’t decide anything final until we’ve bought a house (hopefully in a month or two!). I’m quite shy and though I think being the center of attention is fun in theory, I’d probably get overwhelmed and cry or have a panic attack.
My stepmother and grandmother have already requested to come dress shopping with me, and I want to invite my friend from work, who sold wedding dresses for 10 years and I think would be good to have with us. Other than that, I don’t really want anyone else to come. Even my friends I think I’d rather leave behind for that.