Post # 1
Picking a date and venue has been a terribly difficult and getting worse and worse.
I’m a PhD student and we live 1000miles away. I’ll be on job searching and finishing thesis next year so I really want to the wedding done this year. The main reason why we want to marry soon is to stay together at least during the winter. If we want to postpone the wedding after my graduation (projecting Dec 2014), we need to plan after graduation, which means the earliest possible wedding is 2015 summer. I’m 34 now and I’ll be 36.5 by then. We want to have children and we hope we can start to try around my graduation. That’s why we desperately want to get married sooner. Also, we’re not physically intimate because of religous reasons, we don’t want to wait too long on that part either.
What would you do if you were in my shoes? Any genius idea?
Post # 3
what if you have a small or court house wedding ASAP, and then have a big one year anniversary vow renewal party just like your wedding could be after you graduate.
Post # 4
Honestly, I would choose a Friday night wedding if you can’t get the day you want. I would go with November 23rd or something even earlier in November.
Post # 5
@ajillity81: A court house wedding isn’t a consideration. We’d be willing to give up some fancy reception but the religous part of the ceremony is something we’re not willing to compromise. And big part of people we want to invite are spritual witness of our marriage. But if we do not compromise the ceremony, we want to serve a meal to people who put effort to come. Then it becomes a reception. sigh.
@MrsTVLover: Yeah, it might be a time to think about Friday weddings again. We wanted to avoid any troubles to guests but it seems impossible… so it’s becoming to find what’s the least inconvenient. But thanks, I completely forgot about that option.
And the bad about January is my school starts at Jan 6th – we not only need to postpone honeymoon, we won’t be able to stay together until summer.
Post # 6
First, you are so sweet to think of everyone else when picking your date. However, you really have to do what’s right for YOU and your FI in the end. Prioritize immediate family, but keep in mind that a portion of your guest list will probably not be able to attend.
I would hope that if you end up picking Dec 21 that your dad would make every effort to be at his daughter’s wedding. Along the same lines, if you pick either Nov 23 or Nov 30 FI’s family might be really excited to incorporate Thanksgiving traditions into your wedding week. Just have honest conversations with immediate family and hopefully you will find a compromise for everyone!
Post # 7
I think that you should either plan something at a venue you can find before December 15th, avoiding the weekends around Thanksgiving, or hold off until January.
Are you able to get time off during the fall semester to have a wedding? I would think that it would be easier for you to do it during your winter break.
My brother was married on December 28th, 4 hours away from most of the guests. He had 90% attendance, so its definitely doable.
Post # 8
Why don’t you do Nov 23 and have a Thanksgiving dinner wedding?? After all, Thanksgiving is about being with the ones you love and ebing thankful for the wonderful things in your life and God’s blessings…. sounds kind of awesome if you ask me!
Post # 9
@Mee: I agree with a lot of the other bees-do what you need to do for you and FI! I think a wedding around thanksgiving sounds awesome. And if it’s on the Friday or weekend after thanksgiving I bet you’ll get great attendance because many people get time off although a few might not be able to make it, but that’s inevitable at any wedding. Good luck and congratulations!
Post # 10
For the non-US bees, could you please explain why people would be upset about having to attend a wedding on both 23 Nov and 30 Nov? I had always thought that Thanksgiving was a one day thing, in which case I would understand people not wanting to attend a wedding on Thanksgiving Day, but I’m not sure why it would cause a problem with two weekends in a row?
Post # 11
Why not do a NYE wedding? That would be so fun and fancy. Everyone has the next day off anyway, and you could take Thurs/Fri for a long honeymoon weekend and plan a longer trip in the summer if you don’t have time for one now.
Post # 12
my first marriage was a saturday befor thanksgiving. his family had big weeklong tradition of stayin at cabin and enjoy family and the woods and what not. those who came to the wedding were on the road right after dinner to head back to cabin 5hr away. we followed the next day to join them up at cabin.. family will be there which ever date you choose if you plan early enough and give warning. we got invited to a reception for an earlier marriage but with 3 weeks notices and it being across the country we cant make it because realisticly 3 weeks notice is not enough time with school age children finishin their last days of school and local parties rsvped months in advance….
Post # 13
You can’t please everyone. it’s just impossible. My wedding was November 25, 2012. All of the important people in my life showed up, and we had a fabulous time. I would pick a date that works best for you personally, and people that care will make it work. Thanksgiving happens every year, your wedding day is just a once in a lifetime event. It’s not like you’re getting married on the actual holiday.
Post # 14
Thanksgiving is November 28, 2013. So November 23 shouldn’t conflict with their Thanksgiving plans, unless they’re a week long. At least in the US.
I agree with PPs. Just pick the day that works best for you and your immediate family. If they care enough, they’ll try to make it work. (Though obviously there are exceptions like boot camp, pregnancy, graduation. But it’s crazy to plan around all of that.)
Post # 15
I think a Thanksgiving wedding is a great idea! I proposed on (US) Thanksgiving to my American girlfriend (now fiancée).
Post # 16
I think the weekend before Thanksgiving will be fine! I don’t think anyone will be upset!