(Closed) Can’t get over it!

posted 8 years ago in Recaps
Post # 3
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I posted here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/i-ruined-our-pics#post-926681

Don’t be so hard on yourself though. Hair is just hair. There are soooo many other things to focus on on your wedding day. Your beautiful dress, your makeup, our jewelry, your face, your smile… try looking at the bigger picture. Even if your hair is not perfect, I don’t think it could really take away from how you really looked that day.

Post # 4
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think every bride goes through this phase. For some, it lasts longer than others.

After our wedding, while I should have been basking in how amazing it was, I obsessed over my bangs (they were too thick, long and crooked looking), my hair style (I wish I had worn my hair down instead of in an updo), the flowers (weren’t what I ordered), and yes, even my dress. It depressed me that I couldn’t get over this stuff and it depressed me even more I was focusing on these small details.

I eventually got over it (it took me about two months). I realized that I’m my own worst critic, and once I stopped over-analyzing every picture, I realized it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’m sure it’s the same with you.

I am, however, trying to convince my husband to do an anniversary shoot for our one-year anniversary. I’d really like to do my hair over, put the dress back on and retake some photos. He’s into the idea, but not totally 100 percent yet πŸ™‚ That might be a good option for you guys.

Post # 5
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Have you shared this with your photog?  Can he/she do some touch-up work to improve things?  Or maybe do some creatice cropping?  If you look tired due to dark circles, they can be Photoshopped.  If your hair is frizzing, perhaps there are some close-up shots that can be cropped to be just your face?  I’m sure your photog has Photoshop skills that could help.

I hated a lot of my photos.  I like how I looked, but the photog sucked- things were crooked, there was always weird stuff in the background, the pictures were totally boring, etc.  It was hard at first and I cried.  As time went by, I was able to get about how much I hated the pictures and focus on how I was feeling when the picture was taken!

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee

It sounds lame but they could be alot worse…

Out of a couple hundred pictures from our wedding about three are useable. I hired a photographer that had done good pictures for friends and was reasonably priced. But on the day of our wedding she found out she was pregnant  and i guess her mind was somewhere else. My husbands head was cut off in most of them! We’ve been married for over six months and I still cant get over it …but hey! I could have no pictures instead of three…:)

Post # 7
Member
5 posts
Newbee

Surprised This is a bad feeling. Firstly it may not actually be that bad… If it is bad, The female ex-bride in me wants to say the onus for something like this lies on the stylist, photographer & anyone else you trusted to help, like the maid of honour. However if it really was THAT BAD, what could anyone have done? Held up the wedding??

I think it’s a difficult thing sometimes for a photographer to know what to say (especially if it’s one that doesn’t have an eye for style or fashion). Even if they realised they would probably be worried of insulting you, overstepping their mark (since styling is not technically their job – so kind of a grey area)… or worse ruining your whole day. This is especially true if it was such a mess it would have taken hours to fix. Announcing it to you would have given you loads of anxiety, vs just letting you get on with your special day. 

As a photographer I do think part of the responsibility on these things DOES lie ultimately with the person behind the camera (especially if they accept the job knowing there will not be a separate stylist), but also there is responsibility with other professionals/friends you entrusted… I’ve been in front of the camera a fair amount and know what it feels like – especially on the wedding day – but also I know from the other perspective, so this is a hard one.

For the most part I’ve been lucky being photographed. But I did have a really bad experience several years ago with an inexperienced Director of Photography when filming a month’s worth of documentaries for a pilot series (I was behind the camera presenting). I was livid with the DOP for not mentioning so many times issues he should have noticed, but didn’t have the “eye” or the experience to see. Oversights rendered footage unusable several times: the slit in my little summer dress that had inched up far too suggestively during a key interview, or when I was sitting in a way that looked really manly and unattractive when we had to position sound equipment between my legs because of space etc… There’s something to be said about budget here though, because if it had been stretched to include an artistic assistant of some type – wardrobe person, or a set manager or separate director for example – those oversights wouldn’t have happened. But there wasn’t the extra staff budget and there wasn’t the extra budget to re-shoot, so I had to deal with it and accept it.

…TO AVOID THIS ON A WEDDING DAY: it would be good to retain the stylist (if your budget allows), or at least designate a friend who has some sort of a clue, to watch out for hair, make-up etc… Although I have to say: If it were me as your photographer, I like to think I would have taken some action to protect you.

On the otherhand, once a bride’s dress did not fit well in the chest area at all and I could clearly see this, but could not help. If she had had a padded bra, or a corset or something, I would have suggested she wear it, but she didn’t. Re-lacing her dress didn’t work… There was really nothing I could do, apart from photographing knowing I would need to airbrush afterwards and trying to shoot with that in mind.

So it may have either not been that bad in general and/or there may have been realistically nothing that could have been done other than telling you, which would have only ruined your day & your memories totally… DON’T KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD EXAMPLE BUT – Once as a favour, we took a friends teenage daughter and her friend to London for a “big-night-out” treat: Through friends and contacts I arranged to get them into various members only clubs; a night of having red carpet rolled out for them, mixing with celebrities, paparazzi running around, champagne & VIP rooms… Although I think they were probably THE popular girls back home, this sort of glamorous London experience was something they were unaccustomed to as girls from the rural countryside; something most 18 year old girls are unaccustomed to. They probably spent days planning their best outfits, but when they came out all dressed-up and ready to go, I remember being a bit shocked, thinking they both looked really cheap! Here they were thinking they looked their best. They were ultra excited and so nervous! What was I going to say: “You both look cheap and tacky”? Even though they had time to change, my suggesting they did so would have totally finished off their confidence and ruined the night… In the end they said they had the best night of their lives. They felt like princesses. When they returned home, that one event helped to further elevate their status locally even more as The Cool Girls… A few years on, they still have a lovely memory and they were never any the wiser that they maybe looked a bit out of place. They (and all their friends) still have what I see as a really awful sense of style, but they are still as popular as ever. So they must be doing something right!… So just because it’s not one person’s taste, doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

AS A WOMAN & AS A FRIEND: I know my stories aren’t nearly as important or heartbreaking as something going wrong on your wedding day. I know. But I guess what I’m trying to say (and give real examples of) is things aren’t always perfect, but you’re not alone… And anyway maybe everyone else doesn’t see it as being as bad as you see it. Your hair probably looked pretty good to at least a fair few other people.

Style is a subjective thing… And although sometimes things do sometimes look wrong for the occasion (like the country girls going to the big city). I personally think most brides hair looks FAR, FAR, TOO PLASTIC. IT really probably isn’t as bad as you think.

PROFESSIONALLY: 

1 – Find a photographer that has an understanding of style and fashion (NOT in that they will be pushy and impose their taste/style on you, but that they have a firm understanding of managing standard issues on hair/make-up/wardrobe and avoiding catastrophes related to these areas.)..NOT TRYING TO CAST ANY ASPERSIONS AGAINST MALE PHOTOGRAPHERS, BUT A FEMALE PHOTOGRAPHER MAY HAVE AN ADVANTAGE HERE.

2 – Make sure you have a good rapport with your photographer – especially if you don’t retain a stylist. The photographer needs to feel they have the mandate to be able to tell you if your hair looks bad, or your dress fits poorly (if it is manageable). Only in the case if something is wrong – not to overstep or judge with their personal taste. This responsibility is common in fashion photography, but not in wedding photography… It probably sounds crazy, but if a photographer feels comfortable enough that they can touch you, this allows us to naturally/automatically rectify something like hair in the wrong place, or (horrors) a bit of fat poking out where it shouldn’t… again NOT TRYING TO CAST ANY ASPERSIONS AGAINST MALE PHOTOGRAPHERS, BUT A FEMALE PHOTOGRAPHER MAY HAVE AN ADVANTAGE HERE AGAIN.

3 – You also need to be able to communicate any worries to the photographer and help them in what to look out for (what’s important to you). Like if you ask, “does my hair look OK? Can I stop and have a look?, Do I have time to re-do my lipgloss?” etc., this helps the photographer see what is more important to you, when it is a subjective area… Additionally if you have a problem area personally, PLEASE tell the photographer.!! If you don’t like your nose, or your ankles – or wherever – tell your photographer! Mention this bEFORE YOU HIRE THEM: If they look at you like they kind-of didn’t hear what you said, or seem like they don’t sympathise, find a different photographer… IT’S IMPORTANT THAT A PHOTOGRAPHER IS PHOTOGRAPHING YOU TO SHOW YOU IN THE WAY YOU PREFER. YOU NEED TO LIVE WITH THE PHOTOGRAPHS FOR A LONG TIME. (For my own work, I am always watching for body language and subtle comments from a person to see what they most like/dislike about their looks… as well as what I consider to be their best features and angle aesthetically) 

4 – Find a photographer with excellent retouching skills… A photographer who additionally has these skills will know first hand while their shooting what is fixable and what is not. They will be able to communicate with you not to worry, or -in the case of your hair being a mess- that it probably can’t be fixed very easily in editing software.

5 – Hire a professional OR have a family/friend helper who you can designate these problems to. Just be careful not to ask a “drama queen”, who will go into over-kill mode with their role and stress you out even more. (*even just a reasonably mature college student, beauty student that you can pay an affordable amount to would be acceptable to help you.)

HOPE THIS HELPS πŸ™‚

Post # 8
Member
5 posts
Newbee

ABOUT RETOUCHING…

also just to say

Strangely some things that people would imagine as impossible to fix are reasonably straightforward or even still possible although difficult. Even awkward Issues like: fake tan gone wrong, horrible make-up, heavy weight gain, badly fitting dress.. or even something as drastic as too much filler in the lips, an allergic reaction or a cut on the face could be fixed with remarkable results by a skilled re-toucher

Unfortunately hair is generally the most difficult area to fix. Without seeing it I can’t say whether it could be fixed with what is existing or not… If it’s just a case of some fly-away hair and it being i the face, it won’t be cheap (especially if it’s in hundreds of photos), but that can easily be done – it’s just TIME CONSUMING FIDLY WORK. However, if it’s a case of being totally frizzy (like afro frizzy) and instead you wanted smooth soft sleek curls, that will be a costly job. In this case if the client wanted to go ahead and had the budget, I would probably re-shoot a new head of hair seperately and patch the hair in.

MORE REALISTICALLY (& CHEAPER..LESS STRESSFUL & FUN ACTUALLY!) I would suggest you schedule a bridal re-shoot. This is just an extended portraiture shoot for a photographer. Then you can get many new lovely images of yourself, in the dress with a hair style you feel happy with. Bridal/Wedding photo re-shoot is a better way of getting images taken in a controlled environment. You can also have other elements at their best, because you won’t feel totally stressed and frantic as many brides feel on the big day, due to all the other responsibilities! 

It’s also actually very enjoyable and you can make it part of a pampering day with your best friend or a relative that may have missed the real wedding for example, or even as part of a mini-break with your spouse. It can be quite grand and you can even have a little pretend cake…Find a wedding photographer who also offers & understands portraiture of this type. As long as you can make time during the week, they should be able to make a price that isn’t prohibitively expensive. (just to be clear this is NOT in place of a real wedding booking)

[Post moderated for self promotion]

 

HOPE THIS HELPS Laughing

Post # 9
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Could you schedule a photography session and recreate wedding photos for your 1 year anniversary. You have the dress and hubby probably has a suit or you could rent a tux. I’m sure the church wouldn’t be a problem or you could do some pretty outdoor shots. We had a photographer for graduation pics and it was a couple of hundred dollars. Even if you could get a nice framed photo it could be worth it since this is still bothering you. Just a thought:)

Post # 10
Member
4887 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’d imagine she’s over it considering this thread is 2 years old πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Oh that is too funny didn’t see that lol!

Post # 12
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Interesting that a photographer is the one who pulled this thread up from 2 years ago and included her prices in her comment. 

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