Post # 1
I feel really bad about a lot of my feelings right now because his grandmoter just died, but I am really losing it.
We have been talking about getting married with a date in mind since October of 2011. Well in approx. March we got into a fight and he said “Fine, we won’t get engaged this summer you have to wait until fall.” He kept that up for a while and then let it go and said we would stick with plan. He did it again.
Well a month and a half ago he had been a complete jerk and made me feel horrible. His cousins had been in town so he told me to come over. I came over and they were all sitting at a table and there was no seats. (He took the last one and then ignored me) I stood for twenty minutes until his 9 year old cousin showed me where the chairs were. On the way home he said “Yeah, I didn’t really want you to come but *cousin* wanted you to meet you because you are from *same state as them*.”
He also told me I was too dressed up (I was wearing jeans and a target sweater shirt???) That their family didn’t dress up and made fun of me for the majority of my time being there.
It made me feel like I was worthless. I told him I couldn’t be with him anymore. I couldn’t handle it. We broke up and got back together two days later.
He told me he still wanted to get married and at the same times. Then two days later he didn’t even know if he wanted to get married anytime soon. Then a week later he came back to plan! (WTF)
He then decided to talk to his mom who said he was too young. Then he, out of no where, wants to wait two years.
I completely lost it at that point and told him that we would stay dating but I would not be thinking about marrying him. I felt emotionally drained and manipulated.
Two days ago we were looking at rings and happy and then he told me he would not give up his summer job so that he could have the day before the wedding to help me or have a honeymoon.
I AM SO FRUSTRATED. I feel like I am being used.
We are waiting for marriage, and I feel like he should not feel like another two years is an options. We have been dating two years.
Post # 3
@unhappywithFI: Your relationship sounds to me like it’s extremely unstable. Why do you want to marry this man?
Post # 4
Engagements and marriage are not something to be held over someone’s head. You may feel ready to get married, but he’s clearly not. He’s also not treating you with respect AT ALL. I know this is only a glimpse at your relationship, but I think you deserve much better.
Post # 5
When his mom says he is “too young” how young is he? he sounds VERY young emotionally.
When you are with the “one,” they will want to marry you all the time, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There will be no wishywashing about it.
Post # 6
He’s playing games with you. Someone who truly wants to marry you and be with you doesn’t use marriage as a way to manipulate you. It’s obvious that it is not important to him and he’s just using it as a way to keep you around when things get icky.
You need to decide if this is what you want your relationship to be like. Or do you want someone who without a question/doubt wants to spend his life with you no matter what it takes.
I’m really sorry you’re being jerked around like this 🙁
Post # 7
We waited for marriage and we dated for almost 8 years, lol. So if waiting is important to you, it can be done. I hope the only reason you want to marry him isn’t so you guys don’t have to wait anymore.
I think you both need to think about the reasons that you want to marry each other. He needs to do it because he’s so back and forth all the time. If one minute he wants to marry you, then the next he doesn’t – does he truly want to be with you? And you need to ask yourself why you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you so poorly. Marriage is a big deal. I wish you the best.
Post # 8
All the arrows are seem to be pointing at the same thing: This is a bad relationship, or at the very least ( since we don’t know your whole story) you guys are in a very bad place.
If you want to work it out, then do it with the help of time, space, and counseling for you both. If your tired of it all, then I recommend you end things, and don’t give in. Get support from family & friends and find what you feel you deserve in a relationship!
Post # 9
I have to agree with PP. Why are you still with him? I don’t mean that to sound harsh – what I mean is, what is it about him that keeps you wanting to be with him? And, would you really want to marry a man who engages in constant emotional manipulation? Personally, just from what you’ve told us, I think that you guys waiting is definitely a good thing. It will allow you to see if you truly want to marry *this* man, or if you just want to be married.
Post # 10
@unhappywithFI: I’m soo sorry to tell you this, but it sounds like you need to walk away. He’s not serious, he’s playing games and I’m soo sorry you’re on for the ride.
This doesn’t sound healthy or good. I hope everything works out for you, we can tell you up and down what we think, but only you know what is right for you.
I really hope you put an update up once this is resolved.
*hugs and love*
Post # 11
It sounds like he has emotional issues, or is just very immature.
Post # 12
Relationships are not supposed to be this hard… And I’m confused why you want to marry a man that doesn’t respect you and acts like he doesn’t even like you? Please do yourself a favor and leave him for good, don’t waste one more day with this guy. He should be honoring you and dying to marry you!
Post # 13
Why do you want to marry someone when youre fully aware he’s playing mind games with you?
Relationships are hard work, but they shouldn’t be miserable.
Post # 14
It sounds like he’s just not ready or mature enough to get married. When people say things over and over, you really should believe that it’s what they mean, even if they keep taking it back. I’m sorry I know this stuff is tough but think about how tough it could be if you marry and then he’s threatening divorce every time he wants his way or gets angry. Sometimes a boyfriend should’nt move past being a boyfriend and not every relationship leads to marriage.
Post # 15
He sounds very, VERY manipulative. Take this as a warning and a good way to avoid an expensive divorce later down the road.
Calling names, ignoring you, not being hospitable, using marriage as leverage is ALL very manipulative behaviour. I would consider talking to a councillor, if nothing else.
Post # 16
Early waring signs, I wouldn’t marry him. He doesn’t respect you. You are now on an emotional roller coaster. You don’t need this. You need to get away from him and give youself sometime to think.
He is playing a mind game with you.