(Closed) Can’t have sex with DH anymore

posted 7 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
3375 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Why does your FI turn you off? Is he unattractive or something that he can change (better grooming)? He’s not telling you “no” right? You just don’t want to have sex with him?

 

Post # 4
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I really have no idea how I would put that to someone. For me, sex is an integral part of my relationship. If I no longer could stomach having sex with my SO I would probably see that as the beginning of the end.

Is it something physical? Cleanliness? Something he does? Can it be fixed without just coming out and just saying “You turn me off”?

Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

Yikes! I have no advice! I couldn’t imagine not being attracted to DH. Did this just start? Were you able to do it before? What’s the turn off?

EDIT: Have you tried getting drunk? I know that’s terrible, but maybe it will help you get through it.

Post # 7
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@lolo21: I am sorry to hear about this problem.

Have you considered mutual masterbation? From what it sounds like, you feel turned on to the thought of him and want to have sex but just can’t for whatever reason.

Maybe if you guys masterbate together, it will help you get going. Maybe the first couple of times, you can finish together like that. After you get back into the swing of things, you can again try to actually have sex together.

Post # 8
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@lolo21: THAT’s A BIG PIECE TO FORGET!!! LOL

I have no answers for this. My sister said the same thing about her husband right around the same time. They didn’t have sex for her entire 2nd trimester.

Post # 10
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I agree with @tranquility:!  Maybe you just need to switch it up a bit… and that’s definitely one way to get the spark.  But also talk to him about it before you try something new 🙂

Post # 11
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@tranquility: That’s a good idea.

Or maybe even watching some porn together? Only, assuming you are both okay with that. At 20 weeks it could also just be a psychological shift of knowing there is a baby inside of you. Like the idea of sex turns you on but when it comes time to do it you might be sort of subconciously thinking more about the changes going on in your body. I had a friend who said she was ridiculously horny her entire pregnancy but she had to mentally get past the notion of her child being “there” while her and her DH had sex. She said she could stop imagining her baby pretty much just sitting there watching them. Lol, it’s kind of funny but it happens! For what it’s worth she did get over it.

Post # 13
Member
2512 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@lolo21: Hmm that is quite the doozy. I really hope I don’t offend you .. it is not my intention.

But, do YOU view masterbation as something shameful? I do not think that FI has a right to make you feel bad about something you enjoy.

With that said, it is your relationship and you guys can only define your own norms.

Best of luck.

Post # 14
Member
592 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@lolo21: Yikes. That’s a pretty big difference in ideology right there. Maybe he needs to understand that in order to keep getting action and to keep you happy he might have step out of his comfort zone a bit.

If my FI tried to “shame” me about masturbating he wouldn’t be my FI, that’s for sure. My lady bits are not reserved for his peen.

Post # 16
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Miss Lilac: “my lady bits are not reserved for his peen.”  –I almost just spit out half my lean cuisine on my computer monitor when I read that.

As for the OP – if this wasn’t a problem before, it probably is related to your pregnancy.  I wouldn’t try to force it too much; listen to your body, when it is comfortable with the idea of you having sex even though you’re growing a baby, it’ll happen.

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