- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
So this was the month that my boyfriend had promised me a year ago that we would be engaged by. But due to a risk he took that didn’t pay off, we are definitely not getting engaged this month. Probably not in the next 6 months. I’ll consider myself lucky if we’re engaged in the following year.
I feel so…sad. I’ve known since April or so that he wouldn’t be able to make the deadline, but I can’t shake the feeling of being let down. I feel bad telling him my feelings because I don’t want him to feel bad about something that he can’t change.
Last October, he decided to go in with a friend and try to start a business. They got really far, but in the end, the investors dropped out and zero money has come through. He’s only been able to pay his rent by taking out “loans” with his parents/grandparents. Otherwise, his income is precisely zero. Maybe a hundred dollars here and there working on a friend’s farm. He’s finally decided to cut his loses and start looking for a normal job, but until he can find a job, we really can’t even think about getting engaged or married.
So that’s the logical reason that I can’t be upset. It’s not his unwillingness to work or his not being ready, we just have NO money to get a ring or to pay for a wedding. But in my heart…I’m just so bummed about it. I can’t get over it. I haven’t gone more than a couple days since April without thinking about it and I just get so upset over it.
For the bees that say “just get an inexpensive ring”, we both agreed that we didn’t want to do that. Every time I say “let’s just get a cheap ring”, he says “is that really what you want?” and the answer in my heart is “no, it’s not really what I want”. And we both want a wedding celebration. On his side, he’ll be the only one who has a wedding (not JOP) and who doesn’t get pregnant beforehand. And me…I’m a girl and I want my wedding. I’m cool for doing small budget, but $15 is a pretty small budget even for me.
I can’t even tell if he’s upset about it. He says that he’s sorry and that he’s trying, but it doesn’t really make me feel better. Sometimes I bring it up out of bitterness because I’m so broken up about it and he doesn’t seem very affected by it at all. But who knows, he’s a guy, I guess.
Am I being irrational? Unreasonable? Too emotional? I don’t even know what to do with myself. We’re LDR, and I know I’m going to be super sad at the end of August when I have to fly back to TN for the start of the school year. I was supposed to return to Memphis an engaged woman. I dreamt about this and looked forward to this for almost a year. But now I have nothing to tote back with me but tears and a broken promise. Talk it out with me?