Cant keep up..is it just my problem?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

I do not think it is your problem. I mean, let’s say that he runs 5ks or halfies all the time and then he asks you to run a half a marathon overnight with no training.that’s not nice or supportive. It could be really dangerous too.

If you feel that he is dismissive, and disregrads your feelings,  I think that there is a communication issue there. I think you should talk to him and explore the idea of counseling. 

Post # 3
Member
3044 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

A guide as in a person to go hiking with you? So long as you are following an established trail that shouldn’t be necessary. The only time I would consider that is if you were doing a very specific and difficult scramble and didn’t know how to use a compass/GPS and a topographic map.

having said that – I hike a lot, and nobody should EVER do a hike they are not comfortable with. You ALWAYS let the least experienced/fit person in the group make the calls on what to do/where to go on a hike. It isn’t just a matter of having the most fun, it can be a serious safety thing. Your husband is being a douche if he is making fun of you and calling you nasty names because you have legitimate concerns about the skill level needed on a hike.

is hiking something you like doing or would like to get into? Or are you doing this just for him? If you are trying out hiking so you have something to do together, fuck it. It isn’t worth being made fun of. If you actually do like hiking and want to do it for your own sake, I would suggest going for progressively longer walks with a backpack to condition yourself a bit, that should help make you feel more confident. Also, buy a pair of hiking poles! They are seriously the best thing to have ever!

Post # 5
Member
3044 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

If you don’t mind me asking, what sort of terrain? What distance and elevation?

 

clearly the two of you have communication issues mainly stemming from his seeming inability to empathize…

Post # 6
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

He dismisses things you find important? Not great.

I’d ask to discuss this seriously. Being pushed into situations you’re not comfortable with is not ok. Having your feelings dimissed is not ok. I think you need to have an open coversation about this issue or you are going to end up hurting yourself physically, or resenting him emotionally. Or both.

Post # 7
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

Ha!  I’d be packing his lunch and sending him on his way without me.  Then I’d probably go shopping and buy something expensive I didn’t need to help me with the pain in my butt he caused me.  

Post # 8
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

MsJkk:  when he dismisses you, stop him. tell him that he makes you feel bad when he dismisses your thought and feelings. Remind him that you are not at his level of fitness/experince. Do not let him make you feel bad about voicing your opinion and concern. You both entered this relationship on trust and love. If hes disregaurding your concerns how can you trust him.

 

Post # 9
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

MelanieJoanR:  This.

Stop him right in the moment and point out that what he’s doing is exactly what you’re talking about. Point it out every single time he does it. If he cares, he will start to realize where you are coming from and change his behavior. You deserve to have your thoughts and feelings validated and not feel like he’s the authority on all things.

Post # 10
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius

This is not your problem, it’s his. I think you need to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about this. He obviously doesn’t get how important some things are to you. Making fun of you instead of supporting you is not cool, just because something is easy and no big deal for him, doesn’t mean it is the same as you. Not ‘keeping up’ with hubby would be things like not wanting to go on a hike. You know it’s something he loves to do, and although you have never done it before you are giving it a go, with him. He should be helping and supporting you, saying it’s no big deal is just dissmissive and dangerous. Perhaps he doesn’t realise you are serious and really are worried? Defo more communication from you x

Post # 11
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

MsJkk:  Maybe he is trying to push you and going about it in the wrong way. My partner is a lot more physically fit than I am and he can do many things without question whereas I hesitate. He will push me to my limits, get me to try new things, and test myself. However, he isn’t mean, rude, or willing to put my safety in jeopardy. 

On our last long hike, he checked in with me often. We took breaks he didn’t need and used them as photo opportunities. It was a great experience together and I was proud of myself that I did it. Your partner isn’t motivating you in a kind way and it sounds like he lacks empathy. 

Like the people above me said, I would sit him down and explain to him how hurtful his actions and words are. Then I would point it out and call him on it when he does it. I’d even phrase it like, “I appreciate that you want to motivate and inspire me, but I could really use your kindness.” Then give him examples of what you’d rather hear. 

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