Post # 1
My boyfriend and I sleep together. A good while back we felt convicted to stop and we lasted for a while. It seemed to cause stress and we eventually went back to doing it again. He was not on board with it as much as I was. Last night he suggested that it might be a good idea to abstain again. I was fairly surprised and honestly didn’t know how to respond. I’m just not heavily on board with it right now. We didn’t spend a lot of time talking about it. I didn’t think it was common for the guy to make such a suggestion.
How do you feel is the best way to approach this? Do guys commonly make this suggestion?
Post # 2
Maybe remind him of the stress and why you guys stopped abstaining before?
Post # 3
The best decision my fiance (boyfriend at the time) and I have ever made for our relationship was deciding to abstain until marriage. Aside from reasons based off faith.. It gave us the opportunity to connect without using sex as a buffer. We had no choice but to confront our problems and work through them. It was not my idea and I was worried that we wouldn’t be as close but it was in fact the opposite. Not sure totally sure of the reasons you/your boyfriend want to abstain but I can say from experience that it was the best decision my fiance and I have ever made 🙂
Post # 4
Kacey23: I don’t think it’s about guys commonly (or not commonly) making this suggestion. Based on your various posts on this topic, I think it’s about one of you — at any given time — being more open to and sensitive to the conviction of the Holy Spirit on this issue. Scripture is very clear that God intends sex to be reserved for marriage relationships only, and one of the reasons this continues to be such a major issue in your relationship is that, at some points in time, one (or both) of you is (are) under conviction about what you have been doing.
Post # 5
I definitely worry about us not being as close. I was raised up with the belief that sex before marriage is wrong. My big struggle is that I have trouble believing an act done between a couple who loves each other and is in a committed relationship is wrong. I just don’t see where having a legal marriage changes a lot. I’m definitely not saying my ideas on the subject are right. There definitely seemed to be pros and cons when we abstained the first time. I guess time will tell.
Post # 6
Kacey23: Lots of guys abstain from sex! He made his choice clear and you need to respect his choice or leave the relationship. If you can’t respect his body & views then you shouldn’t be with him.
If a woman wrote about her boyfriend asking for sex after she had made it clear that she didn’t want to do it then we would all tell her that he isn’t good enough or that she hasn’t gotten her point across.
In this case you know he doesn’t want to have sex so you need to step back and decide if you are willing to be in a sexless relationship until marriage. I think you can have a adult conversation about it but if this is what he wants then you shouldn’t try and seduce him or force him to have sex. I’m not implying that you are forcing or seducing him but I am warning you not to sink to that level in order to get what you want.
Post # 7
Kacey23: Why not try talking to a pastor or Christian counselor about it? If he wants to abstain because he feels convicted, and you are having trouble understanding that conviction, a person with a more rounded out knowledge of the Biblical reasoning on the subject might be able to help.
Post # 8
Thanks for the replies! All of you have good points. I definitely think it’s an issue that we need to talk and pray about.