(Closed) Can’t seem to have an orgasm!

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

You may want to try to pleasure yourself and find where your sensitive spots are.  I know mine have changed over the years.  Sometimes a regular partner takes the regular trail and we need a different trail to get to the end.  You may need to figure out what that is and then guide your partner.  Have you tried some of those new oils on the market?  That might mix things up a little.

Post # 4
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

question #1 – is the date beside your name your real wedding date? because if you are getting that close to your wedding, you are probably pre-occupied and stressed out.

Post # 6
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Have you been stressed lately? I know sometimes when I’m stressed out, I can’t have an orgasm. And then the more I think about it and concertrate and try to have one, the less likely I am to have one.

Post # 8
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I know you said your not into sex toys but a small bullet shaped vibrator might be just the trick!

Post # 9
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It does sound like you are stressed out, and if it has not happened in a while, it bothers you and you think about it and you probably can’t fully relax in the moment and just let go.  And so the cycle continues.  This is how I get when I have a lot on my mind – I just have to stop thinking about everything else and focus on all the things happening between us at that moment…and then I can usually get there – though it doesn’t happen every time.

I like the ideas of trying a few new things – maybe your body just needs something else that you are not yet aware of.  Don’t come out and say that you aren’t pleasured or he will probably feel even more upset that he isn’t pleasing you, but maybe saying something like “Do more of this…I really like that” just to get him to use the things that work as opposed to things that don’t do anything for you…and then he shouldn’t feel offended or upset!

You don’t necessarily need to use any toys or things like that, but there are lots of products available that stimulate and add romance.  You could try some other romantic/intimate things together – like a bubble bath with wine and candles.  What about even things like a warming lube or massage oils or lotions that have relaxing scents and contain aphrodisiacs?  I bought a small waterproof bullet (vibrator) that we use during foreplay from time to time – it is totally not as scary as I thought it would be!  I also bought some mint-flavored warming oil that is pretty good.  I should also add that I am not really all that adventurous in the bedroom, but I like to try a few milder things every once in a while (haha!).  If you start introducing new ideas slowly and gradually, you both will start to open up to the new ideas.

Hope that helps 🙂  Good luck!  

Post # 10
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

@dance – ooh, great advice!

I’m not implying you need to get wasted here, but sometimes, maybe a drink will take the edge off as well. Wine always knocks my stress down a little. I reccommend trying it in different locations as well… also, this sounds stupid, but make sure you have a comfortable temperature in the room.

Post # 12
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I just want to reiterate trying new things. You say you’re getting depressed about this and that’s probably not helping in the bedroom. Try not to think about “I wonder if I’ll get off” when you start foreplay. Take the initiative and direct your FH a little bit to start with so you’re already a bit “pent up”. He’ll like the role play and you could feel more satisfied afterwards!

Post # 13
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh wow I am sorry this is happening. You really have to tell him. If you ahven’t had an orgasm in nearly 3 years, there is no wonder why you aren’t interested. I also think it would be good to try and explore while you are alone. A previous poster said our bodies change over time. It does happen. What used to work for me before doesnt work like it used to. Also, try to get your FI to slow down. I mean more foreplay or something that gets you really in the moode prior to even getting undressed. If there is still a problem I would talk to a doctor about it. There may be something else going on.

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