- 4 years ago
Regular bee going anon here. I need to vent about my FMIL.
I’ve only been with my FI for over a year and we live in different city from my FI’s family so I’ve only met his parents a few times.
Our backgrounds are really different, especially our view about money. My parents are economical, but his parents, to me, are stingy (though not so bad).
So, we’ve bought an apartment and I felt it needs some improvement, like installing anti-slip tiles in the bathroom, painting, changing the air-conditioner, etc.
If I could, I would even do a bigger renovation project, but we’re keeping it to the basic necessity for now.
His mother, however, couldn’t see the importance of any of it.
“Don’t change the air-conditioner” (we don’t know how the previous owner maintained them. We’d rather change them now, since we’re going to do some renovation anyway, rather than having them break down 3 years later, when we already live there and I might be busy with baby/children, then).
“There’s no need to paint, it’s still in good condition” (No, it’s not, it’s dirty, and I hate the wallpaper that previous owner put up).
“Why do you want to install anti-slip tiles? They are not necessary. We (parents) don’t visit often” (Yeah, well I was thinking long-term, when we have children who will use the bathroom daily!)
We didn’t request for previous owner’s washing machine when we made offer to buy the place, and his dad thought we should. Ugh, who knew how they used and maintained the washing machine? They could have put their sneakers in it! (FFIL’s solution? Clean the drum with some chemicals before using it. Thanks for the suggestion, but this is OUR house, we will furnish it the way we see fit).
For them, it’s all about save, save, and save the money. My FI tried to reason with them once and it was a waste of breath.
I know she/they meant well, but we have the money and we have to decide what’s best for our future. And as I’ve said, I’d love to do more, but we decided to stick to the top priority for now.
I know we don’t need their approval for any of our plans, and whenever she said something contrary to our plans, I would just nod in agreement (and stick to what we have planned anyway. Ha!) But hearing her/their comments can be pretty irritating especially when I’m not in a good mood.
I’ve told my FI not to share anything (especially if it involves money) with her/them anymore . I’ve learnt my lesson (and more of her character).
Once, the four of use went out to dinner with FI’s sister who just had a son. After eating, FI took his baby nephew for a walk so that his sister could eat. My FMIL, looking at that, nudged me, giggled and said to me that FI is ready to have a child. I was taken aback because to me, her comment was not appropriate. We’re not married yet and when we are going to have a child is our business, not hers. But I just smiled and kept quiet. (She didn’t know that we’ve decided to wait for 2 years before starting baby program. We won’t tell her about our plan because she won’t understand).
I know I owe her for raising my FI but sometimes I just. can’t. stand. her.