Post # 1
As some of you may have seen me blabbing about I am planning on an immediate family and 2 friend only DW. I am very close with my extended family, and FI is very close with some of his too. I can’t stop feeling guilty and like I am letting people down by having a small DW. All my life and growing up I never fantasized about my wedding, I never had bridal Barbie or bought bridal mags for fun or EVER thought about it. I’ve just never cared for it, and I don’t like to be center of attention. So, naturally when it came time to plan my wedding we decided on a <20 guest DW in Tahoe in the snow.
I keep going through periods of second guessing my decision; everyone tells me “do what you want, it’s your wedding” but I won’t be able to enjoy it if I feel like I’m letting people down. FI and I have been dating for almost 5 years so our families really know both of us, which I think makes them care more and more dissapointed.
After we have told everyone already “immediate family only” would it be rude to say “I changed my mind please come”? Help! 🙁
Post # 3
If you have only told immediate family up to this point and you want to now inviet more people then I don’t seea problem with it. You could IF you really needed to just tell people that due to some ‘creative’ planning you are now able to include more guests at your wedding.
Good Luck 🙂
Post # 4
I think its ok to invite people late. Just tell them you realized that you can accomodate more people than you had previously thought and would really like it if they could come.
ETA: Plus its not like you’re doing this the week before your wedding. You’re giving them 7 months notice which is still plenty of time for them to book a flight ect.
Post # 5
Is anyone laying the guilt on you or are you doing it all to yourselves?
Because honestly, those that love you will totally understand! If they do not, then they will get over it eventually. Just think about all the money you are saving THEM by just sticking with immediate family!
On the flip side, when I had a wedding planned, I had so much guilt over the $$ that everyone else had to spend to get to us – hotels, cars, airfare, food, etc. That guilt tripped me more than NOT inviting people honestly.
Post # 6
@sienna76: I am laying all the guilt on myself. When I told everyone of course there was kind of “oh, really?” comments and a few jokes about “how funny we were already planning on going to tahoe that same weekend!” Your point about guilt over $$$ people spent getting to your wedding is a good point. I guess too, if they don’t have the money they don’t have to come.
What triggered my most recent round of guilt was two nights ago FMIL asking me if we had thought about doing an at home reception for everyone, because she knows her brothers would really like to be there to support us. I just can’t handle the thought of dissapointing anyone or making anyone feel left out 🙁
Post # 7
it depends if you want to ivnite people because you want to invite them, or you want to invite people because you feel guilty/feel you should
if you actually want people there – go for it! youre still 7 months out (im also having a DW in march and people are just booking now). if you feel guilty – dont! know that it will be lovely with a smaller group and that people will understand you dont want a big circus
if you wont enjoy it without inviting everyone else then do it, depending on whether you can afford it
Post # 8
If your wedding is in May 2013, I think it’s perfectly fine to change your mind and invite extended family now! But I completely agree with PP, invite them if you want them there and not because you feel guilty.
I will also warn you, once you start inviting more than immediate family, it can get messy about who you are/aren’t going to invite, and it can be stressful. My FI and I strongly considered doing an immediate family only “wedding trip” to Europe for very similiar reasons as to why you wanted immediate family only. We are also close with some of our extended family and each have some really close friends we wanted there, so we ultimately decided on a small destination wedding in the US (We live in FL and are getting married in CA). Initially when we decided on this, we had a guest list of about 80 people and were expecting about 65 to show up, and now over the months its grown to about 100 people invited, expecting around 80 (which is getting bigger than I really wanted/feel like I can handle because I hate being the center of attention). Most of the guest list growth was on my FI’s side, and are cousins that he never had any intention of inviting (he isn’t close with them, and we planned to only invite extended family we had close relationships with), but felt guilted into inviting because he had some second cousins he wanted to invite. The guest list has become a constant aspect of stress for us both, and there are definitely days where I wonder if we shouldn’t have just stuck with our original plan to do immediate family only. I do think our wedding will turn out to be a day I really love and that we won’t regret the decision we made on what type of wedding to have, but I also know it came with a lot of extra stress.
Just about what’s really important to you and your FI. It’s not too late to change your mind and invite more people if it’s what you want and you can afford to do so. I will say if guests have to travel (which I’m assuming most do), you probably want to decide on who you’re inviting by the 6 month mark so they all have time to plan/save/request days off if they want to come, but that should be plenty of notice for most people.
Good luck with your decision!
Post # 9
“I guess too, if they don’t have the money they don’t have to come.”
My unemployed sister with 4 kids was going to go and use her credit card or tax refund I don’t know which! She was telling me the trip was going to cost her $3700. “But I will go because it’s important!” Gah, guilt! No one who is umployed should be spending $3700 to see me get married. I know they say if they cannot afford it they can decline, but when it’s your sister it’s kind of obligatory.
“FMIL asking me if we had thought about doing an at home reception for everyone, because she knows her brothers would really like to be there to support us”
Is your FI really close with his uncles? Would he really like them there? If no to either, then I think all will be just fine with your plan. I know my uncles would not even notice if my wedding came and went, but I know each family is different. Try not to take it to heart so much. I don’t know of anyone who was crushed that they were not at a wedding!
Post # 10
@honeygoldbee: I have guilt about people who cant come due to age or finances, I think it is fine if you extend your invites to others, you will probably regret it if you didnt at least offer that. Its not too late. You could always say that you are now able to pay for more dinners/places etc which is why you can open it up more.
Post # 11
It’s def not too late to invite extended family or friends, but seriously ditch the guilt.
I too am having a destination wedding but listen, I have a house to renovate not to mention a marriage and children to save for so as long as YOUR wedding meets YOUR expectations you’re golden.