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What does he say when you guys talk about marriage? How does he feel about it?
When we talk about getting married he says that it will happen but that right now we are both in school and don't have money. I full agree that we can't get married right now but what I am asking for is the commitment and ring for the time being and then getting married in like 2 years. I don't think its unfair of me to ask that consider how long we have been together. It also wasnt a surprise to him becuase ever since we started going out (6 years ago) from the beginning we both said we wanted to be married around age 24. I just don't want to end up spending more time and then it still won't happen. I feel that after so long someone knows whether they want to get married to that person or not. I don't feel I should wait forever.
Maybe he doesn't think it's fair to propose when you can't afford to get married yet?
I feel like since he is saying that he still wants to get married someday it will happen but it's obviously not the right time for him unfortunately. I know how hard it is to wait, I've been there but I think you're just going to have to wait a bit longer until he feels it's right. I'm sure once you both get school out of the way, it's going to be a big relief for him and then maybe he can concentrate on other things (hopefully wedding things!) Maybe you could tell him that you'll give the wedding talk a break for a bit but you need to know for sure if things are progressing that way because marriage is important to you to do in the next few years.
I've been there though. I had just about given up all hope on my now-hubby and then out of the blue he popped the question. I was amazed! I think you should hang in there though!
You need to figure out what you want and need. Then you need to communicate that to your BF.
Honestly, your posts rubbed me a little bit the wrong way. It seems like you are more concerned with your friends getting engaged before you when you've been with BF for many years and you aren't engaged. Getting engaged and married isn't a race and its not something that you should do because your friends are doing it or because you've been together a long time.
Thank you everyone for you comments. I am willing to wait until we finish school next year so I guess we will see.
Texasmeredith, I did not mean to come off as saying that getting married should be a race and that i should be getting married first becuase we've been together longer. What I was trying to say was that it is just hard because you see everyone around you getting engaged and you feel that it is not happening for you. Even though I really want it and our relationship is great, I feel that we should be moving forward. I am the type of person with a life plan (doesn't mean its going to happen like that) and I don't feel I should stop anything I want for myself for a person who isnt commiting to me. I moved 5 hours away from my family and friends for him to a place where I know absoultely not one person. Not to mention that amount of money I have spent to be able to live with him.I have scarified alot to be with him. I feel a commitment is in order. The wedding can wait for abit but I need some sort of commitment after what I have done. I hope you understand a bit more-I am not one who just cares about the ring and getting married and I surely dont think it is a race.
We waited 8 years before getting engaged. We had a lot of stuff to work out, and A LOT of saving to do. This year we bought a big, huge house, got engaged, and I'm having the wedding of my dreeeams. It was worth the wait. You can't worry about when everyone else is getting married-it's not like you want to marry their husbands or anything so I don't see why a friends' marriage would bother you. Are you upset about the fact that you want a wedding or do you really justwant to be married?
EDIT: I just read your post above and you answered my question. A commitment is in order-you are right.
Okay I think there are a few things you need to figure out.
1) How big a wedding to need? (and by big, I mean expensive)
2) When will you reasonably be able to afford that?
After you figure that out, decide when it is reasonable to get engaged. Talk to your guy and tell him what you have figured out. Then you need to figure out whether his excuse is legit or not. Is it REALLY about the time/money? Or is that just an excuse? If it is an excuse, cut and run. If you trust that that it is about time/money, then wait it out.
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Hi Everyone.
I am new here. I just found this forum a few days ago and have been obsessed every since then.
I think I am going to go crazy! I have been going out with my boyfriend for over 6 years now. We have lived together in an apartment for over 1.5 year now. We are both completing master programs and will be both done next summer. We are both 26. I don't know if I can wait any longer for my ring. Its especially hard since there has been a wave of my friends getting engaged who have dated either way less than us (ie. 8 months) or friends who are exactly in the same position. We have talked about getting married MANY times. I think he is annoyed with me becuase I talk about it all the time. I can't help it. It was really hard for me when my best friend got married 6 months ago. Its not that I wasnt happy for her, its that I feel I should atleast get a commitment at this point. I moved to be with him which I promised myself not to do before the ring came but I did it anyways. Now i feel he gets the wife without the actual commitment.
Sorry I wrote so much. I had to get it off my chest lol :)
I am sure others have gone through similar experiences-Stories? Comments? Advice?