Post # 1
My best friend and I are very close – sometimes too close.
She told me that she would like to wear a short lace cream dress and little brown boots to her wedding one day. These are the shoes she is calling boots: http://www.thefryecompany.com/womens-boots/view-all/77335/carson-lace-up
Good for her! I think she would look stunning in an outfit like that. Here is the problem: I would like to wear my ivory wedding dress with these boots: http://www.thefryecompany.com/products/77500/engineer-8r In brown. Because what other colour would work with ivory??
This revelation caused a huge fight between us, because she feels like if I wear boots on my wedding day it will make her outfit less special. She considers the two outfits practically identical, even though my dress has no lace, has straps, and my boots have no laces and look totally different. In her eyes, it’s the same look, and she felt it was a very unique look (she did not invent brides in boots!) and that I have stolen the idea.
Now, I do not think an outfit is worth ruining a friendship. We have smoothed things over and agreed to disagree. I think her boots and my dream boots are totally different – she thinks they are the same. Fine. I would like to respect her wishes, but now I am at a loss for what to wear on my feet! Also, my dress is a little short on me (bought it vintage) – and my other friend suggested shortening it. I feel like this is not an option because it would be more of me “copying” my friend’s idea.
What to do? This is making me want to elope, purely so I can look the way I want to on my wedding day. But that seems selfish – I know some people would be very hurt if we eloped. I don’t want to ruin my friend’s dreams for herself, but I don’t want to sacrifice my own plans. I’ve considered moccasins or flats, but I’m wearing a sweater (this one: http://www.ralphlauren.com/product/index.jsp?productId=23292026&cp=2943768&ab=int_1207_sale_m_lp_Intarsia-KnitShawlCardigan’ defer=’defer) so I like the idea of keeping up with the cosy look. And I’m very tall and don’t like heels. I really want the boots I linked to above.
Am I crazy? Am I copying her look and I’m a bitch? Is she crazy and needs to realize that she can’t put so many options off-limits? Are there footwear ideas that I’m not thinking of?
Does it even matter??
What to do? This is my first post, and I could really use some help.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
Your friend isn’t even engaged and/or doesn’t have a wedding date set yet? Regardless, she doesn’t get to lay “claim” to ideas. Just do what YOU want for YOUR wedding day. Chances are she’ll get over it. If not, she wasn’t really a good friend was she?
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
The boots aren’t even similar. I say do what you want…she is in the wrong here. She might not realize that, though. If I were you I would just wear what I wanted…is she even engaged?
Post # 5
@alliesummers: Wear what you want. By the time she gets engaged and married that style of boots may or may not even be “in” anymore.
Post # 6
I am usually all for wear what you want on your day but I do have to say that your outfit does sound very close to what she told you about, and this is not a very common look. I can see where if you had this conversation before you bought anything she might be upset. You will have to decide which is more important your friend or the boots because she obviously was hurt by this.
Post # 7
i think it would depend on more than just the boots… although I do think they’re very similar. Boots being the same or similar isn’t really a big deal. That’s why I think it’s about more than just that. Are you wearing a short wedding dress too?
Because then I think the looks become very similar, regardless of whether your dress and hers are both lace etc. It’s just that girls wearing short, fitted wedding dresses isn’t very common. So the look she was going for – short dress, boots… it’s a pretty unique look. If you’re also going to wear a short dress and boots that are very similar, then it’ll seem like you kind of planned it together.. your looks will be the same.
I get what you’re saying and I know as a bride I can look and say “man, those dresses are totally different” or completely see the difference in teh boots. I guess her thinking is that if the weddings are months apart, then people won’t really remember if there were laces or not, just that it’s pretty much the same look.
That being said, if she’s not engaged yet or in a relationship or anything, then it shouldn’t even have been an issue bc she could change her mind a hundred times before she’s ready to make her look. And you shouldn’t have to compromise what you want just because it’s similar to her wants. It’s tricky. I guess my point is just that i can see both sides
Post # 8
They may not be identical items, but they definitely have the same feel. You’re friends, you probably have similar tastes, you want to plan things together – but it might be best not to discuss your wedding ideas in the future.
Post # 9
Hold on a moment…are you saying that she’s not even engaged yet but is dictating what you can wear on your wedding day? A day that you have set the date for? Only if so, this is bonkers behaviour of the highest order!
The boots are nothing like hers. Your wedding will be nothing like hers. But for sure, there’s only so much that is unique anyway and even similar outfits will look totally unalike on different people.
One controlling and silly friend should NOT leave you considering an elopement you don’t want either. She’s just going to have to cope with reality. If she can’t then, to be honest, she’s not much of a friend is she?
Post # 10
Unless her wedding is with in weeks of yours, this seems silly. It reminds me of an episode of Say Yes to the Dress where the younger, unengaged, not in a relationship sister laid claim to a dress that both sisters liked. She told her older sister, who tried on the dress and loved it that she couldn’t have it because it was “her dress.” Who knows if that style will even be something that the girl likes when it comes time for her own wedding?
To be honest, I barely notice the shoes the bride is wearing. My eyes are more on the fabulous dress.
Post # 11
Could you post a picture of your dress?
And may I ask, who told whom of this idea first?
Post # 12
@alliesummers: Blah, what a crap situation. But I agree with PP’s – if she’s not engaged, it’s really not fair for her to call a “look.” She might not even like that look when she gets around to actually being able to pick one out. If you were going to wear the same boots with the same dress, I’d be a little pissed. But come on – it’s your wedding day and she needs to be supportive, not catty.
Post # 13
Are the looks similar? Sure. Should that matter? Probably not in this case. My tastes have changes so much since I started thinking seriously about my wedding. Hers probably will too when she’s engaged. Besides, it’s silly to “claim” ideas, because some other bride has probably already thought of it and used it. If you go into wedding planning thinking nobody else will ever come up with that same idea, you’re going to be massively disappointed. I call it rule 34 of wedding planning – if you think of it, someone has already done it and made a pinterest or blog post about it. Anyway, I’d probably just stop discussing details with her and focus on your vision for the wedding.
Post # 14
@alliesummers: You’re fighting over footwear?
Honestly, I think both looks are ugly and inappropriate for a wedding. Sorry.
Surely you can find something else to wear that will satisfy you. I think placing so much importance on your feet is…odd. I can’t imagine deciding to elope just so I could wear the shoes of my choice. That suggests some unusual priorities to me.
Post # 15
Yeah those look really similiar. I have never seen or heard of anyone wearing what I should describe as hoking boots with their wedding dress. So I see the friend’s point.
Post # 16
- Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House
the looks are really similar, but that’s because your look will be really similar to a lot of people’s if you wear the boots. That’s one of the biggest trends right now: http://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=bride%20with%20boots