Post # 1
So I am curious if this has happened to other people. We received a wedding card from someone who was invited but didn’t attend our wedding. The card had NO gift in it. After we both re-checked the envelope, shook the card (just being sadly hopeful at that point), we realized that it was it. My first response was “I’m NOT writing a thankyou card for a card!” To which he agreed. I just think its kind of odd since they WERE invited to the wedding. Also, they couldn’t bother to RSVP no so my Darling Husband had to spend 20 dollars in international phone charges to follow up with them. >_< And yes, they are well off. They didn’t come to our wedding for reasons unrelated to money. Again if they weren’t invited, I would have thought any gesture was sweet. But with them being invited… it was odd. I mean better a card then nothing… but.. still… Did this happen to other people too?
Post # 3
I would appreciate the gesture, and send them a thank you card thanking them for the thought. I think that it is a nice gesture to remember to send a card, as you shouldn’t expect a gift at all, but I feel that at least they put SOME thought into your special day, they could have done nothing.
It isn’t completely fair, but in these kinds of situations, it’s usually better to be the bigger person.
Post # 4
I’m not sure what you’re asking but it’s totally normal and very acceptable for someone to send you a congratulatory card without a gift even if they attend the wedding, doubly so if they don’t attend. You technically do not have to write a card thanking them for their card but I chose to do so, because I like writing and reading cards.
A person being well-off or not does not dictate if they should give you a gift, and you should not assume that everyone you invite is going to give you a gift.
Post # 5
I think it is really sweet of them to send you a card even though they couldn’t make it. I would definitely send a thank you.
A few guests who attended my sister’s wedding brought empty cards. Even though they couldn’t afford it, we wanted them there. It’s the thought that counts!
Post # 6
They still might get you a gift. We had this happen, as the gift was on back order so we got a call that it was at the store a few weeks after our wedding.
We did have guests who gave us nothing, not even a card.
Post # 7
I think you’d still need to thank them for the card (damn ettiquette!). As others have said, it may be that they’re getting you a gift later – my brother was still receiving gifts several months after his wedding
Post # 8
Wow… some can not afford to give a gift. Instead they are sending a card with thier well wishes; how is this not enough? It would be rude not to send a thank you card to these people. They made the effort to wish you well even though they could not be there.
Post # 9
I would them a card that says you’re sorry you missed them on your special day and to thank them for the well-wishes.
What if they meant to send you money or a gift card and it didnt’ get in the envelope?
I’m intrigued that people get so snarky over not getting gifts. They were your guests. they send you well-wishes. Thank them for thinking of you.
Post # 10
Oh dear, I see this thread going South….and that’s too bad. This may be surprising, but the sole purpose behind having a wedding and hosting a reception is not to obtain a king’s ransom in gifts…but to invite the people nearest and dearest to the new couple to witness and celebrate their union. It’s true that many people elect to gift the new couple with money or items from their registry, but good thoughts are really all one needs to offer. Regardless of their financial situation, these guests owed you nothing more than they provided and to neglect thanking them would be a terrible breach in etiquette…I get that you had your hopes up because of their success, but you can see what that got you, please don’t let it ruin your feelings for them.
Post # 11
I got a card from an extended family member who was invited (though our wedding was oot for them, so I didn’t expect them to attend) w/o a gift. I was a little perplexed, as I didn’t really expect anything from them at all being so distantly related, but it was nice of them to think of us. I think the card may have been hand made also, which was a nice touch. So I wrote them a thank you card, thanking them for their support and well wishes.
We also got an empty card at the wedding, though those guests tracked me down and told me that they’d sent our gift to our home for us so that we’d know. Which was a really good thing, becuase the registry didn’t include the packing slip and I wouldn’t have known who to write their card too if she hadn’t mentioned it!
Post # 12
I would (and did) absolutely send a thank you note for a card and for their well wishes. I had guests show up without a card and I sent them thank yous for sharing our day with us. I’ll make this easy for you.
Thank you so much for the lovely card. Even though you could not attend, your well wishes were felt thoroughly on our wedding day.
Mr. and Mrs. Jane”
Post # 13
To clarrify we have a LOT Of people we invited who can’t afford to give us anything. And we upfront told them NOT to worry about it- And they are good people so they either gave us something handmade or did something special for us to help with the wedding. It wasn’t required. So it strikes me as odd when people can afford to do something, choose not to. As people with less try to do more.
Honestly I thought it would be rude to send a thankyou card for a card? I think it would be like rubbing it in their face that they didn’t get us any gift. I mean I can’t even picture what it would say, We missed having you, thank you for sending a card? That just seems like we were pointing out they didn’t send anything really. Just like you don’t send thank yous for birthday cards.
And I’ve double checked ettiquette rules, just now. So yeah they should have sent a gift if the were invited even if they didn’t come. Couldn’t find any ettiquette rules surrounding this situation as they technically violated ettiquette.
Just curious if this has happened with other people?
Post # 14
No, you don’t need to send them a thank you card for their card. If you happen to see/talk to them, mention it in passing.
Post # 15
Isn’t a card better than not even acknowledging your wedding? Just because you are getting married does not entitle you to a gift from every single person you invite. Be happy they at least sent a congratulations and enjoy your new life as a married person.
Post # 16
@JaneDomani: I would think the card and the kind words inside qualify as a gift of some fashion…but I’m interested to see where Emily Post advises brides that failure on their guests part to send an appropriate gift entitles them to ignore common courtesy.
Also, your post states that you had to spend $20 in international charges to follow up, perhaps they were surprised to be invited at all, since attending would have been quite a journey for them?