(Closed) career-driven/professional bees – share your experience…

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I haven’t had kids yet, but I’ve wondered the same thing.  My job is also very demanding, but I like it.  My husband’s job isn’t very flexible and he makes a fraction of what I do.  He doesn’t want to stay home.  So, I’m wondering if I will have to find another job that is less demanding (and probably pays less) so that I can have more flexibility if we have kids.  The executives at my company now are all men and definitely would frown upon leaving at 6 each day to get baby from daycare.  They have families, but their wives are all SAHMs.  When I got married I was even asked when I was planning to quit and go have some babies.

Post # 4
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m a police officer, one of THE most male dominated fields there is.

I’m also nervouse to become pregnant. It’s a little bit different in law enforcement. Obviously I can’t chase people down while preggers. My future MIL worked on the road until she was 6 months pregnant with my FI. It’s such a risk though.

Thankfully, my agency is supportive when their LE women become pregnant. I’ll get assigned a job in-house until I’m able to return to the road. We’ll see, I’m not looking to be pregnant for at least another year.

If you love your job, you’ll find a way to work it out with your company. Don’t give up your dream,

Post # 5
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@esqbee:  I often wonder the same things..  my job requires some long hours now and then.  DH’s job is just as (actually more) demanding and there are nights where we don’t get home and eat dinner until 8 or 9, or eat dinner and then go back to work on our laptops.  I know that this routine will be hard impossible to continue after we have kids!

I am also in a male dominated field, but from what I have seen the company and the people I work with are actually quite flexible about work schedules for families.  However, I had a coworker who worked at home part time after one of her kids was born, and it seemed like people generally felt if you weren’t here you aren’t actually working.  My fear is that I won’t be able to be excellent at both my job and being a parent.  And if push comes to shove I would rather make sacrifices in my career than feel like I am not giving 100% to my kids.  I think I will always choose to work and have a career, but what that career looks like just might have to change a little.  

Just a thought too – you might get more answers / experiences on this post if it was posted in a different area.  Many of us in TTC don’t have kids yet. ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
Member
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I am an attorney and I am the only female attorney at my firm. I would also love to hear from some bees who have had similar experiences because I have been wondering the same thing. My SO is also an attorney at a very large firm and loves his job, and he would never be a stay at  home dad (and I wouldn’t want him to, his job is great). I know my firm would allow maternity leave and all that (they are required to by law) but not sure about a decrease in hours afterwards (or at least more flexibility).

I am lucky, and it sounds like you are too, that your husband has a good job and would be supportive if you ever had to quit working for a while. But I definitely know how it feels to work your butt off trying to make partner while worrying how far off the partner track you will get if you start a family. 

After writing this I guess I realize I don’t really have any advice, unfortunately. Just wanted to let you know that there are more professional bees with the same concerns as you! Good luck with everything, and as I said before, I would love to hear from some bees who have a little more experience with this type of thing!

Post # 7
Member
1705 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m an attorney also and I’m pregnant now.  These concerns crossed my mind, but I was lucky enough that some of the younger attorneys at my firm have recently gotten pregnant and have sort of started paving the way for the rest of us.  I’m still a little nervous about the long-term feasibility of this, but I’m still going to try.  I guess I really don’t have any advice for you either, but I’m really hoping that I can do this.  I love my job, but don’t want to give up being a mom either.  Good luck to you!!

Post # 8
Member
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@esqbee:  It was difficult to return to work. I was also in a male-dominated work environment (I worked in HR at a video game company), so things like pumping, coming in late after checkups, not being able to later to work until 8pm, etc. were not received well. I was asked repeatedkY why I didn’t quit to stay home with the baby (most of the men in my company had wives who didn’t work), my dedication to the company was questioned, and there was no sympathy for any missed time due to the baby despite plenty of PTO hours available – in fact, I had to had a sit down meeting with the SVP and owner of the company to get permission to not work on the Saturday of DD’s 1st birthday (they decided on the prior Thursday that Saturday would be a work day). The lack of sympathy or support (or other mothers) was the hardest part. 

I left that company when DD was 16 months, and started a much more flexible (WAH) position in my field with a F500 company that has resulted in advancement, skill development, and greater compensation. Plus, my coworkers are like 95% women and many are mothers – if I need to pick DD up because she has a fever at daycare, nobody cares — I’m free to care for my child without criticism or judgment.

Honestly, I’m not aiming to have it all – I am proud that my career is progressing and that my earnings provide better opportunities for my family, and I take so much pride in my beautiful daughter. But my house is always a mess, I need to lose 15lbs, and I’m totally okay with the fact that clean yoga pants and a cute hoodie is dressing nicely ๐Ÿ™‚ 

 

Post # 9
Member
862 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am an attorney, and also pregnant with my first. I think there are a lot of things to be thankful for as a professional and a parent, because it’s a lot easier than doing shift work. I can leave for appts when I need to, work early in the morning or after the kids go to bed, work part time from home, or open my own practice and do however many hours I want. My mom was a teacher and she had to be there on time and for the whole time every single day.

I think that lawyers at least have a narrow view of “making it” being partners at a big firm. there are lots of ways to “make it” and there is even more than one way to become a partner at a big firm. I think that we just spend all this time agonizing over whether our current situations will work with kids. If they don’t work, they don’t work.

Right now I work somewhere that is mostly supportive of flexibility with kids, although some (senior male) lawyers disagree and frown on it and complain and criticize in reviews so forth. At the end of the day I need to make a life that I can live with, and that means that in my view those lawyers can take a long walk of a short pier. I am a bright, capable, committed attorney and I want to be a capable and committed parent who also works while having flexibility while my children are infants and toddlers. I am lucky enough to be a professional so that I can make that happen one way or another!

Post # 11
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I am also a woman who wants to have it all, but I’m a believer that you can’t have it all, all at once.

I am pregnant with my first, but even now, without a baby, I don’t think I have it all. My commute and job take a lot of time out of my day. I don’t get to spend as much time as I would like developing my creative hobbies or developing friendships.

Once I have the baby, I’m looking forward to maternity leave so I can just focus on our family for a few months. I’m considering asking to cut my hours when I go back to work to gain balance between myself, my family, and my career. I have 30 years before retirement age, so I’ve still got time for career later – right now I’ll shift focus to family.

Post # 14
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

When I was at MIT in grad school, I never saw a woman who “had it all”. The only female role models I had there were 1. single and unhappy 2. married but never home or 3. divorced. It was a big part of why I decided to dial down the trajectory of my career a little. Still doing important science (working on cures for a couple different diseases), but it helped me value quality time, my sanity, my hobbies, and efficiency/impact of my work instead of pedigree (“partner” “full professor at top science school in the world” etc etc)

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