Post # 1
Hey all! I’m new to this site, so your comments are all most appreciated! I need to start making plans as I am considering moving forward with my career and this may mean moving out of state. I’m getting frustrated waiting for boyfriend to make a move so I have some kind of “future timing” in mind when I decide what to do/where to go.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for going on two years, and we both know that we’d like to get married to each other…we’ve had the marriage talk in September and all that. We don’t live together and we aren’t going to live together until we’re married. He’s given off major hints that he’s thinking about proposing (like pointing out engagement rings on other girls, buying stuff for my apartment and saying it’s for both of us for when we live together soon, looking at rings online, etc, etc). But I keep waiting and waiting and waiting for him to propose, but now its been 7 months since “the talk” and I don’t think he’s even bought the ring yet.
He says he “has plans” but I don’t know how much longer to wait…I’ve been considering moving out of state for sometime, but have stayed around in hopes that we would get married this year and then could move together (after he graduates at the end of the year). He’s supportive of me moving because he know that that’s where my career takes me, and I know that he would join me as soon as we were married because he could easily begin a career in any of the cities I go to after he graduates. However, I know that it would be preferable if we got married before moving. I don’t know how much longer to wait though…and I don’t want to pressure him at all. (But I don’t think he’d be surprised if I pressured him because 14 of our friends got married this last summer, Lol).
Help! I don’t want to stall my career, but I don’t want to pressure my BF either!
Post # 3
I would honestly start looking for a job now. I don’t know what field you are in, but my husband had a really difficult time finding a job when he graduated and I had a hard time finding something after we moved. Maybe once he realizes that you are moving away to take a job, he will get on it propose, and move with you.
Post # 4
I wouldn’t wait any longer to begin advancing my career. It my be what he needs to decide to propose. And besides in the long run iadvancing your career will eb ebst for both of you. And it does take time to get a good position so def start looking now!!
Post # 5
I wouldn’t wait either. As hard as it may seem you really need to focus on yourself when it comes to this. Whilst you’re single and not yet engaged you’re pretty free to do whatever you want. Cherish that opportunity. 🙂
Post # 6
I agree with the others, you need to go for it! You said he’s graduating but didn’t say if he has a job set up already. If he doesn’t have a job and doesn’t know how you feel about yours he may just be taking his time.
Post # 7
I agree – move forward with your career and let him follow you if he’s serious. If he thinks he has all the time in the world, well, he might just take it!
Post # 8
Forget about waiting. Live your life and do what you want to do. If he really cares that you’re going to move away, he’ll do something about it.
Post # 9
I’m a big fan of open communication about the timing of a proposal. While it may be more romantic to have the proposal be a total surprise, it isn’t practical for most people. Before we were engaged, my BF and I discussed our career paths and how that would affect the timing of our wedding. We will both need to leave our current position and get new jobs most likely out of state in about 4-5 years. We had to talk about whether we wanted to be newlyweds facing that sort of move, or a more established couple. Plus there were more immediate issues of leases, school, and the amount of time it would take to plan a wedding, etc.
I think you need to bring this issue up to your bf. There’s a way to discuss things that isn’t pressuring him to propose, you know? Just be frank about what is coming up in your future and how you see that affecting your relationship so that the two of you can make the best, most informed decision for what will be the best path for the both of you.
Post # 10
I agree with the other posters. Take that job and go where you need to go for your career. If you boyfriend is going to become a fiance and then a husband, your moving for your job is not going to stop him. He’s already supportive of the move, so that’s even more in your favor. In fact, you taking this big step may inspire him! Most men love a woman who knows what she wants and goes after it.
Post # 11
As of now, it is your life that is being put on hold. Don’t keep waiting on the “our” life when you’ve got your own career to consider. He may need to see that your first concern is your life and that he’s going to have to do a little more if he wants to stay a part of it!
Post # 12
Girl! You need to think about yourself first (don’t hate me)! If this is a big career move, you need to take an advantage of it especially with this rough economy. Like you said, he would move with you after he finishes school/you guys get married so I say go for it girl!
Post # 13
I agree with greenleafmountain. You need to talk to him about it, then decide what to do. Not that I am saying he decides what you should do, but if y’all are heading towards marriage, y’all should talk about it.
Post # 14
I agree with previous posters who say do what you need to do for your career. Maybe you can do LDR for awhile or maybe just the thought that you are moving out of state will be enough to get him moving. 🙂
Post # 15
I TOTALLY understand the future timing concept. My fiance is *finally* graduating from medical school next month, and dealing with the time and geographical problems of medical school was a major element of our relationship for the last four years. What I learned is:
1. You have to decide now what’s going to trump everything else: career or love? Stick with it. Not saying the other item isn’t important, but one has to take precedence.
2. If you decide to put love first (I did), you must really be resolved. Otherwise, there will be a lot of resentment bubbling under the surface when you/he is in a new city for the other person and can’t find a job / is unhappy with job / doesn’t like new city / etc.
3. While love may be most important, it is not the only thing that will make you feel fulfilled. If you’re going to move and he’s willing to follow, take all of his needs and wants into account when choosing a location. Then you can both be happy and with each other. 🙂