Career vs family – what's more important to you?

posted 2 years ago in Family
  • poll: Do you choose your career or starting a family?
    My career is more important to me - I don't want any kids : (12 votes)
    10 %
    My career is more important to me - I'm delaying having kids : (28 votes)
    23 %
    I don't mind giving up my career to start a family : (80 votes)
    67 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    3280 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I’m kind of doing both (in grad school and TTC) and I’m 21. My family will always come first. Even if I had my own practice, spent all this money on grad school, if I felt I was giving more to my job than my family I would quit in a heartbeat. I’m furthering my career for the benefit of my family, to give them a nice life, but if it ever becomes more beneficial for me to be at home then of course I would do that. My family is the number one decision when it comes to jobs or anything else. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    7281 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

    I choose both. It’s not an either/or thing. I have a successful career that I find fulfilling and I’m raising (and expanding) my family with Mr. LK. The difference is in choosing a career and employer that allows for this balance.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3560 posts
    Sugar bee

    MissRustic:  I chose family.  I got pregnant right after I graduated college (well I was pregnant when I graduated) and am very glad that I did.  My husband and I couldn’t be happier with how our situtation ended up.  I love being a mother and wouldn’t change a thing.  But for me, career was never a big thing and neither was school.  But that’s me.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2892 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    MissRustic: Congrats on the promotion! I’m sure that you’ll figure it out w/r/t when you can start your family. Having the right partner is also critical to that decision!

    I’m 32, and do marketing for a tech startup in the bay area. We both agreed that we would NTNP after one (ideally both) of us is working for Google or FB, because it’s really unfair for children to be brought into a startup environment, especially at the early stage. 

    Add our student loans, family expectations (parental retirement issues on both sides), and inability for anyone who isn’t a millionaire to own where we live, etc. into the mix, and we just aren’t going to be comfortable having a kid in a later stage startup or company that doesn’t have full paid mat / pat leave for months. 

    That means we may not have a kid. I’m ok with that because I can barely take care of myself on a personal level, since I’m so focused on making sure my company is growing. I really don’t have the bandwidth to devote to a tiny human right now. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    4483 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Family. Work is just kind of something I do I guess, but it’s not very fulfilling.

    Post # 7
    Member
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Great post 🙂

     

    I graduated last year in 2013. This year I am working in my field – which I love!! I have also been offered an ongoing/permanent position Which I have accepted. My job however is far away from family so I have moved away this year. I have made a tricky decision to sacrifice to a part time position next year so that I can move closer to family. DH and I will be living in our own home next year, close to our families and are TTC.

     

    We wanted to be near our parents when we start having children and I will probably take a year off work and then return part time until the next baby.

     

    I voted family first. However, I would have selected career if I were still studying and didn’t have stability. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    3538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I’m 30…TTC for 11 cycles.  I like my job, and of course I want to move up…but if DH and I gain the opportunity for me to stay home with our future kids, I’d give up my current career in a heartbeat.  

    We’ve actually discussed this.  I have always wanted to have my own boutique type business, and being a SAHM for a few years (until kids are in school) would give me the opportunity to get that business started up, earn a little extra income from home, and then once the kids are in school I’d like to actually open up a store. 

    DH is in the process of starting up his own graphic/invitation/video game/website design business and he’s still working a full time job…he makes some extra money here and there but we haven’t gotten to the point where we could live off of just his income yet. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2421 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    MissRustic:  I’m 32.  I’ve worked my arse off to get where I am and to make sure I’m on the track to move up within our organization.  

    I didn’t delay having kids out of choice – I didn’t meet my FI until I was in my 30s.  But I’m very happy with where I am in my career, now that we’re looking at having a family.  I’m in a place that I can take some time off for mat leave without hurting my career too much (I’m in a waiting period for the next decade or so for a promotion – they take a while here once you get to my level.  A couple of mat leaves in that decade will not hurt my chances of promotion.  And on a personal note, I want to be done with maternity leaves by the time I go for the next level.  The timing is pretty perfect.) 

    I work 12 hour days and I work 2 weekends out of 4.  My FI knew all of this when we started dating.  We have worked out a child care plan that we think will work for our particular situation.  I won’t ever work less than this, I could potentially work more for periods of time.  

    Post # 10
    Member
    4147 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I`m 28 and DH is 31 in December.  I would 100% give up anything to have a family.  We have been TTC for 3 years and have been dealing with infertility issues.  I’m continuing on my path of working towards becoming a Realtor, and working full time right now however if I were to get pregnant, I would postpone my career, or if DH wanted to and I was earning enough to cover our expenses, I wouldn’t mind being the one to work and have him stay home after a year or two.  This is something we’ve talked about before, never seriously, but it’s a definite possibilty.  Right now, he is the breadwinner and I would have to make a TON of sales to come close.

    Post # 11
    Member
    106 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Congratulations on your promotion! 

    I vote both. In an ideal world. But if I HAD to choose, it would be family. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1400 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    So this isn’t going to be incredibly helpful, but I’m 24, and have no clue what I’m going to do. My husband and I both know that we want to focus on our careers for at least 3 years, but we’d rather not wait *too* long, for multiple reasons. I think it’s tricky because everyone has a different ideas on when it’s too early, sooner than ideal, ideal, later than ideal, and too late, and to a certain degree, this can change. Right now, I think that if I’m 29 and childless, I will choose family over career and find a way to make it happen ASAP, but when I’m 29 I may feel differently, and I’m not sure that would count as “delaying.”

    Post # 13
    Member
    2007 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    MissRustic:  I chose family. I don’t live to work, I work to live, which includes having a family for me. That said, while I’m childless, I am working my butt off to move up in my career. If I have to work, I want to be working toward something and getting as much out of it as possible. When I have children, I will likely work part-time until they are all in school, at which time I will go back to work full-time due to financial necessity. In an ideal world, if I could qiut my job and raise a family full-time, I’d do it. I totally respect people whose priorities are different from mine, though. I’m 27, by the way.

    Congratulations on your promotion. 🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    61 posts
    Worker bee

    My career is most important to me and I don’t plan on having kids. I don’t have any maternal instinct and I don’t think I could ever give the kind of attention necessary to raise a child. And without 110% commitment to a child- it’s not fair to them.

    In the last two weeks I have worked 142 hours… Yes… 142 hours in 14 days. And I love it.

    FI is happy in his job and works quite a lot as well. Children scare him and he prefers not to be around them. We have time for each other and that’s all we feel we need.

    That’s not to say we may change our mind in the future (about children and cutting work hours) but right now no plans on having kids.

    Post # 15
    Member
    1059 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I could easily be a SAHM on DH’s salary. I also make more than DH. I worked very hard to get where I am. But I also 100% want to start a family. I’m 26 and we are TTC now. I don’t feel like I had to delay starting a family because of my career. It all seemed to work itself out at the right time. I also don’t plan on quiting just because I can.

    If it came down to me having to do one or the other, I’d take family. But I don’t have to pick, so why would I? It isn’t just about the money. Although the money is nice. It is about me doing what I’m passionate about. I’m lucky enough to have a career that I love and pays well.

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