(Closed) Career vs. Family

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I can offer two things from my experience.

The first year I had my son I made under 4K. ( I was 19 and his dad left me)

The second and third and fourth year of his life I made under 10K. ( I was going to school full time got my BA in 2 1/2 years and MA in 2 so I had to quit jobs that didnt allow my school sched)

my point: you dont need $ for a baby. I know I know. many of you will say thats stupid but Im just saying I had no money and I raised my boy right.

But i did it with LOTS of support from family. Support was very important and Ihave found ( my kid is 12 now) that regardless of $, me and my son are most well off when I surround us with a great support system.

Im so happy for your FH and that he has a path! thats great! maybe stick it out unitl you concieve and then move back for the support?

And God bless you for being a nanny! My friend is a nanny and I love her stories!

Post # 4
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m really close to my family and DH is really close to his friends so we would never move away from them simply for a job.  There are always other jobs.  So there’s my answer I guess.  I would move back if I were in your position.

Post # 5
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

If your FI is okay with not advancing in his career you could move back. Jobs are few and far in between lately, and unless he has another job already lined up I would stay put.

Post # 7
Member
14299 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Can he not get a job that is in line with his career path back in MI??  My friend who did move away and live at least 6 hours from both his family and her family always says you never realize how big the distance really is until you have children and really wish you were closer to family.  If it were up to me, I believe I would move back.  For me, it was so important to be near my family and our friends that we stayed here in the northeast putting up with the damn cold winters and goddamn insane real estate prices rather than move to where he is from and be pretty much free of financial worry since we can get paid almost the same amount for half the cost of living. Financially we made an awful decision, but its family.. I couldnt leave.  I think even 40 minute drive away is too far sometimes.

Post # 8
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

What does your FH want to do?  Is he loving this new job and wants to stay and advance his career?  Will this job lead to higher pay later on?

For us personally, DH’s job will require lots of moving around and we could easily be halfway across the country from both our families.  It’s not the best part of his job at all, but there are other things about it that make it worth it to us.  We hate not being near family, especially when we have kids in a few years, but again, that’s just how it is for DH to have the job he does.

DH wants this job, but I also am ok with not living near family.  I think you both should decide how much each of you wants the job in IL and how much you want to be near family and base your decision off of what’s best for you as a couple and your kids, both now, but also career-wise for him.

Post # 9
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

If *I* was in your position, I’d be on the family & friends route. However, we’re putting off TTC for our careers right now, so I can’t say that 100%. That being the case, we specifically bought a house that is 20 minutes from both my family and his for when we *do* TTC. Ours is more of a timing issue with TTC than a distance.

I am curious what his career is that is so specific to your current area?

Post # 11
Member
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Bao: It sounds like you two need to get together and sort out what you both prioritize. If his income will skyrocket are you willing to give up your picket house with granite countertops to have Sunday dinner with your parents? Who knows how you two will feel once you have kids, maybe you will think the same way and maybe not. Have you talked with your FI about your concerns?

I think you two should try looking for some couples to hang out with, try meetup.com. If you two have moved there recently give yourselves some time to adjust, spread your wings a little bit. If he is having the time of his life, doing what he loves you may have to make some concessions.

 

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