Post # 1
FH and I recently moved to IL (about 6 months ago), from MI for a job/internship FH was offered. He has yet to get paid there so he is working in a restuarant as well. We live about 5 hours away from family and I’m really starting to feel home sick. FH and I will be getting married 11-12-11 and wanted to start TTC right away. We are financially stable to have a baby, but FH actually made more money in MI than he does here. A lot of it probably has to do with cost of living here, and us planning a wedding too, but I still feel like we were better off financially in MI. I would really like to move back to MI when our lease is up here in April but I really love my job. I am a nanny, and no I do not make tons of money but I enjoy what I do. We have yet to make any friends here, and even if we do/did we really miss our friends back home. Since FH and I want to TTC soon, I would really like to be around my mom, sister, bff etc for that part in my life. So we are kind of tossing around the idea of staying so FH can continue on his career path, or move back to be with friends and family.
I am really leaning towards friends and famly just because they mean so much to me and I could never imagine having kids without the people I love around and no help, but then again I want FH to be successful in his career.
Anyone been in a similar situation or have any advice? I’m open to anything, and would love to hear all sides 🙂 Thanks ladies!
Post # 3
I can offer two things from my experience.
The first year I had my son I made under 4K. ( I was 19 and his dad left me)
The second and third and fourth year of his life I made under 10K. ( I was going to school full time got my BA in 2 1/2 years and MA in 2 so I had to quit jobs that didnt allow my school sched)
my point: you dont need $ for a baby. I know I know. many of you will say thats stupid but Im just saying I had no money and I raised my boy right.
But i did it with LOTS of support from family. Support was very important and Ihave found ( my kid is 12 now) that regardless of $, me and my son are most well off when I surround us with a great support system.
Im so happy for your FH and that he has a path! thats great! maybe stick it out unitl you concieve and then move back for the support?
And God bless you for being a nanny! My friend is a nanny and I love her stories!
Post # 4
I’m really close to my family and DH is really close to his friends so we would never move away from them simply for a job. There are always other jobs. So there’s my answer I guess. I would move back if I were in your position.
Post # 5
If your FI is okay with not advancing in his career you could move back. Jobs are few and far in between lately, and unless he has another job already lined up I would stay put.
Post # 6
@Captain013: He could go back to his old job, although it is not in his career path he made money we could live off from.
Post # 7
Can he not get a job that is in line with his career path back in MI?? My friend who did move away and live at least 6 hours from both his family and her family always says you never realize how big the distance really is until you have children and really wish you were closer to family. If it were up to me, I believe I would move back. For me, it was so important to be near my family and our friends that we stayed here in the northeast putting up with the damn cold winters and goddamn insane real estate prices rather than move to where he is from and be pretty much free of financial worry since we can get paid almost the same amount for half the cost of living. Financially we made an awful decision, but its family.. I couldnt leave. I think even 40 minute drive away is too far sometimes.
Post # 8
What does your FH want to do? Is he loving this new job and wants to stay and advance his career? Will this job lead to higher pay later on?
For us personally, DH’s job will require lots of moving around and we could easily be halfway across the country from both our families. It’s not the best part of his job at all, but there are other things about it that make it worth it to us. We hate not being near family, especially when we have kids in a few years, but again, that’s just how it is for DH to have the job he does.
DH wants this job, but I also am ok with not living near family. I think you both should decide how much each of you wants the job in IL and how much you want to be near family and base your decision off of what’s best for you as a couple and your kids, both now, but also career-wise for him.
Post # 9
If *I* was in your position, I’d be on the family & friends route. However, we’re putting off TTC for our careers right now, so I can’t say that 100%. That being the case, we specifically bought a house that is 20 minutes from both my family and his for when we *do* TTC. Ours is more of a timing issue with TTC than a distance.
I am curious what his career is that is so specific to your current area?
Post # 10
@piglet_625: he is a recording engineer and the field he is in, jobs are hard to come by. The place where he is “working” is not even paying him, he is doing all this work right now for free, of course it helps his experience and he loves doing it, but financially its not doing us any good. He actually has to put out money by going to shows and promoting. Plus he makes way less working at his restaurant job here, than he did working at his job in MI. In MI he could get a job in his field (he was trying when we lived there) but its very hard, now that he has experience that may help him.
Post # 11
@Bao: It sounds like you two need to get together and sort out what you both prioritize. If his income will skyrocket are you willing to give up your picket house with granite countertops to have Sunday dinner with your parents? Who knows how you two will feel once you have kids, maybe you will think the same way and maybe not. Have you talked with your FI about your concerns?
I think you two should try looking for some couples to hang out with, try meetup.com. If you two have moved there recently give yourselves some time to adjust, spread your wings a little bit. If he is having the time of his life, doing what he loves you may have to make some concessions.