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My FI and I were planning on having a basic Open Bar package, but my friends just sold me on the financial advantages of Cash Bar :)
I need the hive's opinion :)
I think this depends a lot on your circle. For me, the cash bar is the equivalent of other people wearing white to the wedding. I have been to wedding with cash bars, and let me tell you...HORRIBLE! All of the guests were collectibely irritated...we have to give up an entire day, potentially vacation time, and bring a gift. And then our dinner isnt even free...the only thing worse than the cash bar is when you have to pay to park (like valet only, but I had to pay!)...but thats a whole separate vent...
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eh - you do what you can afford. I'd try to have beer/wine or some kind of cocktails free if I were you, but if you can't do it, you can't do it. People might say something, but oh well! Liquor is expensive and maybe isn't a priority for you! I've been to one wedding with a cash bar...and no one was upset. There were appx 400 people present.
It definitely is a personal decision.
We are having an open bar and would not have it any other way. I do not think your guests should have to pay to be at your event. And as much as gifts are nice to get, they are not required (although it is good etiquette).
I really think that this is something that you and your FI should discuss and how your family and friends would feel about it.
I have had this conversation with a lot of people. I think the majority of people I spoke with thought it was super tacky. Would you invite a guest to your house and have them pay for drinks there? It is better in my humble opinion to go without it all together if you can't afford it.
I quote someone I asked when I say, "If someone can't go without liquor for a few hours, then they have more of a problem than you need to worry about."
But that is just my humble opinion. I think it depends on your group.
Thanks for your opinions ladies. I only asked because the majority of my guests are from my FI's side, and they blatantly expressed that they don't plan on bringing ANY gifts.... which is fine. We're not having this wedding to raise funds or obtain presents.
Now, we're serving a lavish five course meal and having bottles of wine for each table. I just thought, if I'm already paying for their five-star meals, and they're not bringing gifts at all, why pay for their alcohol too? It was just a thought.
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Yeah I don't think it's that big of a deal, especially if you're providing wine with dinner. You should do what you can afford. I would never throw myself into debt just to provide an open bar, but if I had the money, I'd love to offer more than beer and wine. I think it's a nice thing, but I never assume that every wedding I'll go to will mean free drinks.
Like everybody has said, it does seem to depend a lot on the group and maybe your region. I know around here it's not a horrific thing to have a cash bar.
Well, I'm from the East Coast, and I've never been to a wedding that did not have an open bar. So, I think it's tacky (plus, I would be seriously pissed if I showed up at a wedding and found out it was a cash bar, since it's unheard of here and I would likely not have been aware of it). I also wanted to point out that, as a guest, I would prefer a 3 course meal and an open bar to a lavish 5 course meal.
I also wanted to say that I think it's really weird that guests would come out and tell you they wouldn't be bringing gifts at all. But, I don't think it's right to punish everyone because of your FI's socially clueless side of the family.
I think it depends on your situation. I am having a brunch wedding, starting at 11:30. I am having a champagne toast, but I didn't see it necessary to provide other alcohol so early in the day. My venue is setting up a cash bar, simply becuase that's what they do. Were having an after party where we will supply the drinks though.
Sunflower13 - thanks for your comment. Are you saying that having open bar is some form of punishment?
My side of the family barely drinks, so they wouldn't care. It's my fiance's family that has a higher concentration of alcoholics. I was just upset at the thought that I have to pay for them to drink themselves silly, especially since they're not bringing us gifts.
And yes, it is ridiculous of someone to come out and say I'm not giving you a wedding gift... they think that just because my fiance and I make a good living (he's a chemical engineer and I'm a creative director, I also have a second job as a technical writer) anyway they think that they shouldn't have to give us anything because they're assuming we have everything we need. Which is not the point. They also believe that "family shouldn't owe family anything."
Ok I guess I'm going against the grain here, but where I'm from (a more rural, Northern area), open bars are kinda unheard of. Cash bars are the norm and guests don't mind paying for a few reasons.
1. It's assumed that the profits will benefit the bride and groom and hopefully help pay for the crazy expensive dinner/hall rental/etc. It's like an extra gift which benefits the guest as well.
2. It discourages over indulgence. When drinks are free I feel like people are more likely to drink more then if they had to pay for each drink and maybe have to consider it a bit more. I personally have fallen prey to this....*blush*
3. It discourages waste, I've been to a few open bar weddings (since moving south to the city) and often half-full drinks are left on tables or picked up by over zealous wait staff and guests just go to the bar and get a new drink. So more alcohol is being used (whether or not it's being drunk this still means more cost for you) and more cups, etc.
Of course it's up to you, and what feels right in your group but for us having a cash bar is the only way to go (esp. with 300+ guests). I do think though that not having any alcohol isn't a good alternative, I think you should at least give people the option (if you're not opposed to alcohol for personal beliefs).
Some good comments so far. I think having an cash bar is OK, if you really can't afford an open bar. I can understand the idea of, if they have to pay for it, then just don't have alochol. But I think, ultimately, as a guest, I would at least like the option to purchase alcohol, if it wasn't going to be provided for free.
But from your first post, it sounds like you could afford an open bar, but think you could save money if you do a cash bar. If that is the case, I don't like the idea of a cash bar. I agree that it's rude for FI's guests to say they won't bring presents, but it kind of feels like you're sticking it to them with a cash bar. And I agree, why make the other guests suffer? Could the people who made the rude comment really say for sure no one would bring a gift? How would you feel if most people did end up bringing a gift? I'm not sure why they'd make a comment about not bringing a gift, but I think not paying for a cash bar, would make things worse. ( I guess I can only think that if they are really not bringing gifts, it's because you two make a lot of money, or perhaps have a home together already and have the stuff you need to start a home -and have been able to save money.) So if that's the case, I think making them pay for alcohol is a bad idea. Just my $.02.
I think people need to be a little more understanding of people's financial situations. My FI and I have a very limited budget, and honestly...there are other things I would rather have at our wedding than an open bar. Would we like to have an open bar? Sure. But I would rather have a cake, wedding dress, music, etc. Not everyone can afford an open bar, especially couples that are paying for their own wedding. I live on the east coast too, and have been to LOTS of weddings that have had cash bars, and I wasn't offended in the least. As a guest, I appreciate the high costs of a wedding. So no, I don't think it's tacky that certain brides and grooms can't afford an open bar....it's just reality. In fact, I think it's kind of offensive to call people "tacky" because they can't afford something.
We are doing a both actually... we are having open bar until dinner is served and then going into cash bar with soda / non-alcohol covered there after, for a few reasons...
- FIs family does not drink at all so for us, paying for the open bar all night at the cost of $3k would be a waste.
- Cash bar after dinner will ease the over drinking for when ppl have to drive home (hopefully)
I have been to weddings with both and it is a bit of a hassle if you don't expect the cash bar...
Totally a personal decision, but in my circle of friends/family, cash bar = taboo. IMHO your guests have traveled to your wedding so it is a nice thing to do for them, if you can afford it.
There are many ways to cut down on the cost - you can do a quasi open bar. Open bar for cocktail hour or until dinner is over or something. Or you can serve just beer and wine. Or you can close the bar during dinner service.
The last time I checked, this was a wedding to celebrate YOUR marriage....it really baffles me that some make so much more of a to-do about what the guests want, what the guests need, etc. etc. Now, don't get me wrong, I want our guests to enjoy themselves and have a good time....but I'm not going to pay $25 per person so they can get drunk.
We're providing wine and beer (as well as soda and water of course), and then anything past that (liqour, cocktails) is cash bar.
We're paying a pretty penny for the venue rental and the alcohol that we ARE providing...I don't think our guests will be selfish enough to get mad that we aren't providing them with hard liqour as well.
I would also like to agree with MayBee - we're paying for the wedding ourselve as well...and if we did a completely open bar that would tack on another $2000 to the bar tab that is already starting out at $1000.
To me it's one of those things that would be "nice" to do but, I don't think it should be a requirement.
I have never actually seen a cash bar, but I do hear that it's completely tacky and cheap.
However, in your situation, reading your other post about your family, I would say that you have a free ticket in this situation. I would do a cash bar just to spite them if I were you. Maybe give out "drink tickets", I've read that on here.
krgk84 - Good comment. Which is why I don't really care that some people would prefer a 3 course meal with open bar than a five course meal with cash bar. It's my wedding and I have a right to decide to focus on good food and make sure everyone's full rather than drunk. Especially if some people are clearly only there for the free food and alcohol.
I think it is totally fine to have a cash bar. If people want to drink that bad, they won't mind paying for their own drinks. We are doing a cash bar but we are also providing beer free of charge as well as pop, tea, etc. Guests today especially with the financial problems aren't going to have a problem with what you're doing. I mean you are providing them with a five star meal plus wine, the least they can do is buy a couple of drinks. I think it is more Tacky of some of your guests to come out and tell you they aren't bringing a gift. Makes it seem like all they are thinking about is themselves. Besides, IT IS YOUR WEDDING and YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO!!!! Good Luck!
Your guests shouldn't have to bring cash to your wedding (aside from an envelope maybe 
). They are your GUESTS. If you cant do a full open bar, cut it down to beer and wine, and maybe a "signature drink". Cut down the courses. I'm originally from New England and it's extremely tacky to expect your guests to pay for part of their evening. I haven't been to any northern weddings without one, but I've been to several southern weddings with cash bars, and NO bars.
In the same vein, the bartender shouldn't put out a tip jar if the bar is provided by the catering company. The gratuity is usually included in your contract! And a generous one too.
I agree with miss_norris that people tend to drink A LOT more with an open bar than they would with a cash bar. People being drunk and beligerant at my wedding is something I don't want to happen.
The fact that the only thing some people seem to look forward to when attending a wedding is the free booze, makes me sick. My FI and I do not drink, so we see no point in spending thousands just to get everybody else wasted.
We will have limited beer and wine only, and when it runs out it runs out. They can go to the local bar if they want alcohol that badly. And if your guests really need alcohol to enjoy themselves 1) they shouldn't have been invited in the first place and/or 2) they have a serious problem.
You said half of your guest list doesn't really drink, and you're already serving wine with dinner so I'd just go with a cash bar. I think it'd be a waste of money for an open bar, but that's just my opinion.
I think it just depends on what you want. We had a full open bar for cocktail hour (well, 1.5 hours) and then beer and wine for the remainder of the wedding. However, I've been to plenty of weddings where it has been cash bar and plenty more where it has been open. If you are providing wine at each table for dinner, perhaps you could offer and open bar for cocktail hour?
I was not a fan of the cash bar, until a friend explained it to me this way: "I just went to a wedding where they only had beer at the bar. I don't drink beer, so it would have been great if I had the option to buy a glass of wine or a martini." I hadn't thought about it as presenting the guests with an option, but that made a lot of sense to me.
anniebear, if your family barely drinks at all and would be happy with wine and a champagne toast, I think it's fine for you to provide what you've described and let people who want to drink more have the option of visiting the venue's bar. I think it's also fine to do nothing but wine and the champagne and not have the cash bar at all, if you're concerned that your FI's family will overindulge. But don't do the cash bar thing just to stick it to your future in-laws over the "we're not giving you gifts" thing. It's tempting, I know, but don't let their rudeness push you into changing your plans!
I also wanted to mention that I have been to a few weddings with cash bars - relatives who I know could not afford the expense of an open bar. Under these circumstances, it was fine with me. I didn't expect them to front the money for my drinks.
My point is, that if you can afford it, then you should probably pay for an open bar. You can always place limitations on the open bar - just beer and wine, only for a few hours, etc. if you are concerned with the costs or overdrinking.
Just my opinion!
We are doing a limited open bar. It's $500 for all 200 of our guests. That i can totally afford. We're only serving wine and keg beer because the place makes us use plastic cups.
Cheap, yes! But at least my guests will appreciate the flowing liquor. I have a friend having a cash bar b/c she simply cannot afford an open bar. Wine is being served during dinner, though.
I think if you simply cannot afford it, buy some bottles for the meal. Then do a cash bar. But I think you should provide *something* to your guests. I've been to lots of friends' weddings where the drinks are free for an hour, then it's cash bar.
ESPECIALLY if your family doesn't drink much. What a waste of $15 per person if they'll only have one or two glasses.
I'm like Miss Camera and Miss Norris on this one. An open bar was never even an option for us. I think it is horribly wasteful, and we have plenty of heavy drinkers on our guest list, and I don't want them dirving home drunk, and having that on my conscience. In our circle a cash bar is normal, I have been to no weddings with a completely open bar.
I also don't feel like I'm MAKING my guests pay for part of the evening. All the necessities are provided for. The get dinner and dessert, champagne toast, soda or water with dinner, and coffee afterwards. If the CHOOSE to drink, yes, that is an expense to them, but that is a choice they are making, they by no means HAVE to drink atmy wedding. In fact, I would prefer if they didn't, then I wouldn't have to worry about a select few overindulging and doing something they and I will regret later.
I really don't mean this to be snarky, but it kinda bugs when someone is calling you tacky because you won't pay for them to get drunk...I think that mindset is kinda tacky actually. We are just starting our life together. Getting our guests drunk is low on the priority list...especially when that money saved is going to help us buy a house...
I agree with Miss Norris...We are having a cash bar at our wedding as well. We both come from families that drink...ALOT..lol..Our open bar would probably cost more than the whole wedding. We are paying for dinner, decor, cake, champange, and everything else ourselves....Why should we have to pay for you to get wasted? If you have money like that, and you can afford it, by all means have an open bar, but if you are on a budget, make them pay for their own drinks..If you cant afford a $5-6 drink, then you shouldnt be drinking anyway.
Well said bulldoggrl 
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I agree with Miss Norris as well! (he he I am also going to be a Norris!!
We intitally were going to be having an open bar, but were urged not to. My fiances dad is a CEO at a very large company so he throws lots of corporate parties for his employees. only the past 2 years he started doing cash bar and wouldn't have it any other way. he used to do open bar but realized it was such a waste - he said people would get so intoxicated, leave full drinks everywhere and go up for more because they can't find their other drinks, just such an unfortunate waste.
SO after hearing all of that - and me especially not wanting really intoxicated guests (with having a wedding at an art gallery, I don't want my insurance deposit to go sky high!) and them misusing the guesture we have either decided on our guests paying $2.50 (then paying the other half ourselves), which in my opinion is still quite generous, or having the bar a full cash bar - we still haven't decided. Howvever we are having a couple bottles of wine on each table as well as champagne for every table for toasts, once again I find this more than generous!
I have been to both cash and open bars, and really it hasn't been an issue with any of the other guests I knew. Its personal choice, I don't find it tacky AT ALL!
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I wanted to comment again after I read your other post. If no one is bringing gifts (sorry, I know this is tacky), then you are basically paying fo rthem to get drunk with the open bar. Yeah yeah...I know I am not supposed to expect gifts. I say, if you are serving wine with dinner, then you shouldnt have to do anything else. I want to withdraw my 'tacky' stamp and say that you should do what you feel most comfortable with...but, I think wine = alcohol so you dont necessarily have to provide a full assortment of drinks.
I'm sorry but I feel like cash bar is just unhospitable. I think there are plenty of options from full open bar to limited selection to no alcohol. Guests understand that budget is limited and you have to make choices. But asking people to pay for something when they are your guest is just kind of rude. This really only comes up in terms of alcohol, but could you imagine being at a wedding where you were asked to pay for your dinner? Like I think a photobooth would be super fun, but it's not in our budget, so we won't have one. I wouldn't arrange a photobooth where people had to pay for their pictures to subsidize that.
Bulldoggrrl you made some excellent points! I am in the same boat! I have some heavy drinkers on my side as well, and Im not making them drink, and I wish they didnt!!! Mind you, I am NOT a drinker and I could care less about alcohol, but I still think the opinion is valid that it's not TACKY to not pay for your guests drinks!
Our wedding is at an art gallery and I don't feel like loosing my insurance deposit because some drunk fool decideds to dance with a $40,000 sculpture!! (oh my!!)
100% agree with everything you said!
@katrinab...I have recieved an invitation that asked guests to pay for their own meal!! It was crazy!! There were 3 choices and prices next to each choice...let's say I was cool with it. Do I mail a check with the RSVP? Do I pay in cash once I get there? It was wierd...
I say do what you feel comfortable with - after all, it is your day. I would just let people know ahead of time. I went to a wedding with a cash bar and we weren't told. I didn't have any money with me and there was no ATM. So that got annoying.
I could see people thinking it's weird that you spend so much money on a 5 course meal, but then don't have an open bar. I also think that it looks somewhat disproportionate. But if you don't care, then it doesn't matter! It's your wedding, you have to be comfortable with whatever you decide!
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bulldoggirl- Wonderful comment! This clarified something for me, because I felt a bit guilty that I would be "making" my guests pay for part of their evening, however you are absolutely right, it is their CHOICE to drink beyond the wine that I'll be providing. I don't want pay for or be responsible for their drunkenness and overindulgence.
I think just having a limited bar is fine. To me, 'cash bar' means you're not providing any alcohol whatsoever. If you provide beer and wine but then give guests the option of purchasing a liquor drink, I don't see the harm in that. You're providing enough to be hospitable but not enough to break the bank or go over-the-top.
For me I cannot afford an open bar for the duration of our reception. As much as I want to I just can't. And reading comments about how it is tacky, our guests will think less of us etc hurts. Most of our guests will not be traveling more than 100 miles, about 5 people are. I was able to negotiate with the hotel we are celebrating at and have payed for every guest to have a room. Dinner, dessert coffee and soda are being provided and I am hosting the bar for the cocktail hour. After that if they want more they will have the option of a cash bar. I just don't see how that is tacky or how that makes me an unhospitable host. I paid for the hotel rooms knowing that for a lot of people right now money is tight, I want them with us to celebrate and wanted to ease the financial burden as much as possible. And if that means they have to pay $10 at the bar, well to me that's better than $200 for a room.
All that blabbing is to say pay for what you are comfortable with. If alcohol is out of the question there is no changing that. Your guests can and will have a good time without it and at least with a cash bar set up you are leaving them the option to have a drink if they choose.
tatrifon - I'd rather spend more on food because it's more necessary than alcohol. Also, the people who ARE bringing gifts to the wedding don't even drink anything beyond wine and champagne. Whereas, the rude ones who refuse to bring gifts are the alcoholics who are only coming for the free booze.
Anniebear - do what you want! Where I'm from - no one does open bar - and I mean NOTHING. No wine, beer, wine on table, champagne, etc. Now that I live inChicago, EVERYONE does open bar and people still bitch when it is closed for dinner. No matter how perfect you plan and try to be hospitiable, someone will bitch about something. Just do what you want! :-)
P.S. We're paying for wine, beer, and 2 signature cocktails. People only have to pay for hard alcohol, which will cost them about $2/drink, so I really don't mind. And we're also having a limo take people from the reception back to their hotels to deter anyone from drinking and driving. My family is Irish = big drinkers as well as our friends. So I feel like we're fulfilling all their needs on the night of our wedding.
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