Post # 1
I asked all the girls I wanted as bridesmaids and of course they all accepted. The only thing is, none of them have been bridesmaids before so they’re not familiar with wedding planning. It’s fine they don’t really know about the planning process since I’m comfortable doing most of it myself, but I kind of feel like instead of support from them I just keep getting questions such as:
- “Are you renting or buying your dress? Buying? But you’re only going to wear it once” I had to explain the whole ‘sample size’ thing and the ordering process
- “How much did you pay for XYZ? Why does it cost so much?” Um, the money’s spent and I decided pretty carefully. No need to question what’s already been done.
- “How did you pick a venue? Can you send me your spreadsheet of site fees?” from someone not even close to engagement
There were a few more. Anyway, I’d rather not spend a bunch of time explaining these kinds of things, especially since deposits have been made and I’m ready to roll right along instead of backtracking about planning logistics. I know they each want to learn about planning, but do I have to be the ‘teacher?’
Post # 3
Lol, I understand. All my BMs are first-timers too- one of the consequences of marrying young or being the first in your group to marry. I was flabbergasted by some of the things they didn’t know- one Bridesmaid or Best Man expected me to buy their dresses, no one knew they were supposed to help my sister (and MOH) plan my shower, and a lot of them haven’t taken things seriously til now… ten days before the wedding! Haha, it’s okay though, I know they meant no harm, it’s just the learning process. Just be happy your BMs want to learn instead of not really thinking about it.
Post # 4
I was Maid/Matron of Honor with never being in a wedding I knew nothing. People told me all the things I had to do I was like WTF, I was under the impression I’d just stand there and look pretty.
Post # 5
Get them pre-wedding gift baskets, including a bridesmaid etiquette book! They have cute little ones, and you could highlight important parts if you want to make certain things really clear…
Post # 6
Hah I went through the same thing, all of my BMs are i college or just out, I’m the first one to marry. One of my BMs kept trying to talk me into renting all the dresses and mine, since “you can rent a tux, can’t you rent a dress?” I still don’t know if its really true because all I found were sketchy websites.
I think the Bridesmaid or Best Man book is a good idea, looking back I kind of wish I did that. I have one Bridesmaid or Best Man who actually went onto websites and looked up her duties, and my Maid/Matron of Honor (little sister) laughed at her and called her weird. She’s the only one who’s been prepared!
Post # 7
All my girls are rookies too. That’s what happens when we are the first in our circle to get married! They are slowly learning though. And seeing as how I have never been a Bridesmaid or Best Man either I am learning as well. In the end I know it will workout. Even if I do drive some people nuts. lol
Post # 8
Tell them that Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses cost as much as renting a tux (if you’re a reasonable bride). I don’t think they even rent Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses though. You can rent wedding dresses but again I think that’s done when you want to buy a 20000 dollar dress so you rent it for like a few thousand instead. You can buy a dress for way cheaper.
Post # 9
I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man (MOH, actually) when I was pretty young (22). I had no clue what I was supposed to do to help the bride. I don’t think I would have wanted to receive a bridesmaid etiquette book, though. It would have made me feel like she was telling me I was being rude just for not knowing when the bride needed help with stuff, when all she really had to do was say, Hey, I need help with this.
So that’s my advice – just tell them when you need help. I don’t have any advice for their weird questions about the costs, though. Kind of none of their business on some levels, don’t you think?