Post # 1
So, DH doesn’t like my cat, never has. He hates the fur but mostly hates the counter surfing (Litter paws where we eat). I do what I can to deter the cat from climbing, but I cannot control him. DH prefers to scare my kitty, which basically has no effect And just mKes the cat scared of everyone. the last two days, kitty was on the dining room table when hubby got home from work. Of course, DH charged at kitty, and kitty ran to hide.
However, the miniute I walked into the door this evening, DH just started going off on me about how he can’t stand my cat and it’s making him crazy. It really hurts my feelings when he complains about my cat and refers to him as IT. Plus, I didn’t deserve to be yelled at the minute I got home. All I could do was stand there and cry. He apologized several times during his rant, but still kept ranting as tears were streaming down my face. after he emptied the barrel, I just said “oh, well it’s nice to see you too.” Whhich started another rant about how I’m all about me, and that he already apologized. Then he left for ss tball practice.
Yeah, my cat does cat things like counter surfing and clawing the rug, but he is litter trained (scooped 3x per day or as needed and taken out immediately to the garbage can), I brush him and have him shaved to keep the fur down, give him baths, we vacuum everyday, and he has not destroyed anything in the new house. We are careful not to leave anything on the counters, so he is not incentivized to explore. I put soft claws on all his nails, and he has scratching things too. We are going to buy him some cat shelves to satisfy his climbing. DH wants to keep kitty locked in the study (cat room) all the time except for a few hours in the evening. I think that is cruel, I mean, my cat is a member of the family too!
but how can I diffuse angry husband? I feel that he takes his anger at the cat out on me! I think he owes me a sincere apology that is not followed by a yelling bout. If I stand up to him, he’s just going to go to the basement and play xbox all night and we won’t get to hang out and enjoy the evening Together.
Post # 2
Eh, I’m with your husband. All that fur and the cat all over the place where you eat? Blech.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I draw the line with kitty on the dining room table too. Gross! If the cat was there first then he knew what he was getting into before marrying you he needs to figure out a way to deal with the cat but you also need to help him with compromises.
Maybe line the countertops and dining room table with foil for a few weeks to deter the cat from jumping up? I ended up confining my cat to a safe room with his litter box (it was an 800 sq ft living room with a door) when I was in bed or at work so he could do whatever and wouldn’t end up on my counters or dining room table while I wasn’t at home. I never had an issue with him jumping on anything but the couch which he was allowed on. Shutting him up in the study while you aren’t home doesn;’t sound cruel to me at all.
If it causes this much tension in your relationship, it may be worth rehoming the cat with a trusted friend or family member. I also find it concerning that he charges and pretty much verbally abuses your cat. Who knows what else he does to it when you’re not home?
Post # 4
oneofthesethings: I don’t like the cat on the table either, but we wipe down the surfaces with Lysol before cooking and eating. We can’t stop him from going there, and i have come to terms that I’m not letting my BP get raised over it.
but, I don’t deserve to get yelled at because the cat is a cat.
Post # 5
Have you ever tried those canned air things that go off when the kitty gets near? Might be worth a try.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2011 - Baby boy 12/2015
TripleNickle: Question, did your DH knew about the cat or you got the cat later?
Post # 7
Keep a spray bottle filled with water on the surfaces where you don’t want your cat to go. Give him a spray in the face and say NO when you see him on a surface. Keeping the spray bottle on the counter/table will remind him not to jump on said surface. And you don’t have to yell the hell out of the cat, either.
This is totally separate from the fact that your husband yelled at you and still continued to do so after you were visibly upset. You guys need new ways of negotiating conflict.
Post # 8
I had the cat before we met.
we have the air spray things, they don’t really work.
he just came home, saw me in the tub, obviously still upset and crying, and didn’t even acknowledge me. I want to yell and scream and stand up for myself, but that doesn’t solve anything.
Post # 9
younglady: my cat laughs at the spray bottle tactic. And it doesn’t solve the problem when we aren’t home.
Post # 10
Also, I have told DH twice in the past that I would rehome the cat, although it would cause me great emotional and mental anguish… He turned down these coffers on the basis that he “gets” that I want a cat to love/cuddle.
Post # 11
TripleNickle: I think people who love animals should be together and people who don’t should be with each other. I guess you are already married so that is not an option. I would put the cat in a different room when you eat as the compromise.
Post # 12
The cat lived with you before he did. Cat is not going ANYWHERE and is not getting locked in the study. That’s just not right.
Now, you should definitely work with your husband and start disipline the cat better, so maybe bring the water spray bottle back or whatever. But your husband needs to be on your team as you try to retrain the cat, NOT yell at you for the cat being the cat.
Post # 13
Locking a cat in a room is just cruel… I sometimes lock our cat out of our bedroom or bathroom and it sounds like she is being murdered because she knows we are there but not with her. As long as you are cleaning up after her I see no issue with counter surfing or being on the table… but at the end of the day if that is what gets at him you should work on training.
I chase my cat daily and even sometimes charge at her. That is the only thing that gets her moving other than picking her up and having to carry her – I don’t think it has ever genuinly scared her because once I catch up to her I’ve never done anything to her – sometimes she seems to think it is even a game. (which for your DH can be a problem, if the cat begins to think that the chasing away is a game then he’ll just keep on popping up where you don’t want him for attention).
Regardless of whose cat he was first and who is coming into the relationship, he should be a member of the family. Our cat was orginally FI’s for a few years until we started dating but now that we live together the cat is a member of our family (she is actually so much more closer to me now). You should convince him to make this a team effort, try to get him to imagine that the cat is your child first off, and then work together to train the cat on how you both want him to behave.
Post # 14
You could put flypaper on the table, aluminum foil, or even some mouse traps under some heavy paper so that the noise scares them, but won’t hurt them. Worked for me.
Post # 15
TripleNickle: your husband should not be intentionally scaring your cat. That only leads to other negative behaviors. Perhaps you can speak with your husband about agreeing to train the cat together, and explain that he should be telling the cat “no” if he sees him on the table or countertop. It is important that he be on board with this, and it will be helpful for your relationship if you can treat this as a problem that you hope to jointly solve together. In terms of the cat, try the spray bottle technique or sticky tape. You may even want to put things on top of the table that will prevent him from jumping on it while you aren’t Home. Also, does your cat have a cat tree? Perhaps he is looking for his own space with some height to it. If he does not, I would suggest investing in one.