Cat could be ruining my relationship.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
2222 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

When I was in middle school, my family adopted two cats and they did the same thing. Peed EVERYWHERE. The vet told us that some cats just do this and will never use a litter box 100% of the time.

In the end, half of my family was allergic to cats and our neighbor adopted them.

It was very upsetting of course but you can’t live with an animal going to the bathroom all over.

Post # 4
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Is the cat fixed? Do they have separate litter boxes?

Post # 5
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

We had this issue with a cat. He was resued off a front porch from where his previous owners had moved and left him there. Well, if he was unhappy about something he’d pee on our bed. this got really bad after we moved intogether for good and he had to deal with living not only with our other cat but my dog too. IT got ot the point where we were going to take him to a shelter  (something I have NEVER done) just because we couldn’t take it anymore and had tried everything.


In the end a neighbor ended up adopting him and he never pees at her apartment. It was a stress thing (and we tried to keep him destressed short of drugs).


Post # 6
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

If you have two cats, they need to have a seperate litter box each.  My mother learnt this when she adopted two kittens…they did the same, peeing everywhere except the litter box.  When the vet explained that they each needed their own, the problem stopped.

My FI ended his engagement to his ex fiancee when she demanded he get rid of his rescue cat.  They had already moved 4 times, when she wanted to move again, just after they had signed a 6 month lease, and told him to get rid of the cat, he got rid of her.  He realised she wasn’t fully committed to the relationship – and in her defence, she was nearly 10 years younger than him, so in her mid twenties – and the cat demand was the last straw. 

I hope you can reach a solution. 


Post # 7
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

How many litter boxes do you have?  What type of litter are you using?  Some cats are very particular about their litter.  You could do a litter trial, purchase several litter types and put them all out at the same time (either in litter boxes or just cut the sides off a cardboard box for the trial) and see if she prefers one.

Do your cats get along?  Not just tolerate each other, but are they sleeping together and grooming each other?  Even if they are not getting in all out fights, there could be conflict between them and the older cat is preventing the younger cat from using the box.

Are you sure nothing has changed in the house?  You haven’t moved furniture, bought new things, had more visitors over than usually, worked longer hours than usual?  A lot of people think their cats have UTIs, but it is actually rare in cats.  They can have a bladder problem that is triggered by stress/anxiety and they will pee around the house, sometimes with blood in it.  Some cats can be managed with having lots of access to fresh water and keeping their environment stress free, others may need anti anxiety medication.

It takes a lot of work and a lot of time to get to the bottom of why a cat is peeing out of the box because there are many things that could be going on, but I think you still have several options left to explore.

Post # 8
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Ditto on trying a second litter box. Three litter boxes, even, would not be overkill. In a psychological sense, the cat might be trying to establish “safety” by marking everything as “hers.” I generally recommend – he really understands the way cats’ minds work and might provide you with some insight.

Have you talked to your FI about how his behavior is damaging your relationship? Have you asked him to stop with the threatening “it’s her or me” talk? His loud voice and anger about the cat is definitely contributing to her feeling “unsafe” and probably making her pee on stuff MORE. Could he go stay with a friend for a week or two, to get a break from the situation and so you can work on the cat’s behavior?

Post # 9
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

First of all ONE litter box for two cats in not enough. The recommendation is one box per cat plus an extra.

Kitty may not like the litter. I use unscented ground corncob.

Kitty may have a medical problem and needs to see a vet.

I know a woman who retrains cats with such problems. She uses a large dog-sized crate, large enough for kitty, and a litter pan and a towel for a bed. Kitty must pee in the pan and is left out for feeding and playtime. Then put back into the crate. Gradually the time out of the carte is increased. Any accidents and the routine begins again. She claims 100% success rate using this method.

Post # 10
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@pixiecat:  +1 exactly. Cats will pee all over if they’re stressed. And they can also come to bullying each other (we had two cats growing up that would do this) over litter boxes. If one cat decides it’s dominant over the other cat and THIS litterbox is MY litterbox, guess what — your other cat can’t pee in it. If the dominant cat is stressing the submissive cat out and preventing it from using the litterbox, that is what will happen.

The general rule of thumb is one litterbox per cat in the house, so if you can wing that, definitely do. And keep them not close to each other so if one of your cats has decided that THIS box is MY box, it can’t stand guard over both at the same time.

My little black cat (black ones are jerks, aren’t they? Lol) used to go up to the litterbox and then pee right outside of it. Like a giant F U!!! We upgraded to a larger litterbox and clean it 2 times a day and now he pees in the box all the time. 🙂

If you have recently switched the litter, that could be it too. They boycott litter they don’t like. Maybe they don’t like the smell of it or the texture or whatever, who knows. Cats are assholes.

Also, if cats aren’t fixed, they have a tendency to spray everywhere (male or female) as some kind of territory marking thing — so if getting them fixed is something you need to do, that might solve it also.

Good luck!!

Post # 12
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

those two incidents are very stressful for cats. it sounds like kitty is super stressed. any changes (such as your FI new work schedule) along with two incidents like those can definitely be cause for her behavior. have you tried composure? they are chewables for cats that help relieve stress and anxiety. i give them to my cat when we have visitors or go out of town. it helps him to relax and not be so jumpy. you can also try feliway. i use the plug in diffuser that gives off a scent (to cats) that help them to calm down. i hope you are able to help your baby. its upsetting that your guy is making you choose between him and the cat. 

Post # 13
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Yikes. Cat pee stinks! I wouldn’t want the cat continuously peeing all over my apartment/home in fear that it would start to smell like a petting zoo. It sounds like you’ve tried everything you possibly can (props to you for really trying). If I were in the situation, I’d have to give the cat away to another owner. My best friend had a cat that was similar to what yours is like and she never stopped peeing! On beds, couches, and even the kitchen table. It was too much and the cat just wouldn’t stop. She ended up having to take her to the SPCA but I understand her reasoning. I can also understand how the both of you are frustrated.

Maybe try to rehome the cat to a relative or friend? Make SURE you specify that the cat has litterbox problems or the person might change their mind once the cat starts pissing on their carpet.

An animal shouldn’t be getting in the way of your relationship though. Hope you guys are able to settle this soon!

Post # 14
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My mom had this problem with her cats.  She started using a litter called Cat Attract and swears by it.  It’s a little more expensive, so once they started using it she’d mix it with half regular littler and half cat attract litter.  At my house we only have 1 kitty and he has an automatic littermaid that uses silica litter.  He loves it because it sweeps the mess away after each use, and we love it because we clean the box less often.  Good luck, and maybe you should post this in the pet section for more advice.  

Post # 15
139 posts
Blushing bee

Cats can be weird like that. My SO has two and I have one, so we tried to let them meet and sniff each other through a cage to see how they would react, one of his and my cat liked each other, no problems…the other peed and crapped itself immediatly. Id try two + litter box idea. best of luck!

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