Post # 1
She’s like a kid that you love, but you don’t necessarily like.
We adopted our kitten last year when she was probably only 6 weeks. She just turned 1 last month. With each passing month, I was hoping she’d calm down and become more affectionate. I mean, she’s obviously not a dog, but I’ve been hoping that she might mellow out and be affectionate once in a while as she grew. The doctor said she would mellow out after we had her spayed, but that didn’t do anything.
Flash forward to today and she’s just an asshole! She doesn’t listen to ANYTHING. She is most aggressive when we’re eating, trying to take food off our plates and NOTHING scares her. Yelling, spraying with water, slamming my hand on the table, nothing. It like she doesn’t learn. Not to mention, she’s not remotely affectionate. Forget having her curl up in your lap or sleep next to you. She can barely be held without freaking out after a few seconds.
The fact of the matter is this is my first cat. I’m a dog person and I’ve always had affectionate, well behaved dogs my whole life. Not to mention my only other experience with cats are the ones my friend has that are so lovey and sweet.
Does it get better? Is she still too young to tell? She’s not violent, thankfully, so I could just go about life and share a space with her, but the reason I have a pet is to play and love and hold and snuggle! Yes, I realize that made me sound like a psychopath!! Do you think she still has time to mellow out and possibly be lovey, or by 1 year, is her attitude pretty much determined?
Thanks in advance!!
Post # 2
I kind of hate my dog. I mean i love him, but god he is an asshole sometimes.
I can tell you since i have worked with alot of cats, their personality is evident pretty much from 6 weeks on and stays with them. An affectionate cat will always want to be around you. A playful cat will always want to be doing their own thing etc etc. I dont think you can change an innate personality trait. If you aren’t a cat person, you just might have to get used to her and stop wishing she was something else.
I fostered my cats before i chose one. She was a total lunatic the first week i had her and then her true personality came out and she is a sucky poo. I had another cat i wanted to adopt cause i thought he was funny. He would have driven me nuts though he played non stop and didn’t like being picked up.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Do you play with your cat? That’s one great way to bond with them. Get a laser pointer, one of those fishing poles with a toy on the end, etc etc and play with her for 20-30 minutes a day.
As for the food, when my cats get up in my face when I’m eating, I grab them and toss them down to the floor. It gets the point across pretty well. In general though, cats don’t “listen” to anything you do… they just do whatever the hell they want.
Sorry she’s not a snuggle bug :/ I would guess that her personality is fairly fixed by now, but some cats do get more snuggly as they get older… 1 is still pretty young.
Post # 4
I’ve had a few cats in my time. I think your cat will mellow out a bit, but I don’t think she will ever be the affectionate, lovey, snuggly cat you want. My first two cats in my life were pretty independant. They weren’t wild, they just didn’t like to be held, cuddled, etc. I got two kittens after I moved out and one has been SUPER affectionate, right from the start, and the other is more independant, but will cuddle now and then.
My kittens were quite mischeivous when we first got them. They are now almost 2 years old, and they still are a bit on the ‘bad kitty’ side. They aren’t as wild as they use to be (their energy levels have gone down a LOT) but they still scratch at the curtains, jump on the counters, etc. From having older cats before, I think eventually this will calm down, but I’m not exactly sure as all cats are different.
Cats can be different than dogs, they like their space. My parents cat (mine too when I lived at home) was super independant and it was 2 years before she actually sat in my lap. If you give your cat the space that she wants, you could earn her affection. That cat never became super snuggly or anything, but she will sit on your lap or chest if you don’t pet her and just let her be.
Post # 5
I agree with the advice to play with her (with toys that will keep your hands safe.) I recommend laser pointers, Da Bird, and Neko Flies as super popular and fun. You’ll like her a lot more if you have positive interactions with her, and if you can wear her out she’ll be less of an annoyance when you aren’t in the mood to have her nicking food off your plate. Is there any chance you could shut her in a room away from you while you’re eating?
Post # 6
It took my cat 4 years to “calm down” and now I love him so much. But I will NEVER adopt another kitten no matter how cute they are. He was so bad from about 6months-4years that I contemplated putting him up for adoption a few times, but now I couldn’t imagine it.
Don’t do the yelling/spraying with water/slamming the table thing. It doesn’t work with cats. The best thing to do is to wear them out by playing, then feed them right after. I watch My Cat from Hell, and it’s given me a TON of pointers that I have sucessfully implemented with my troublemaker kitty.
Post # 7
She’ll mellow out quite a bit over the next few years. That being said, there’s stuff you can try now to help your relationship. My SO’s cat is a pretty big asshole too, especially when SO is around for some reason. When it’s just her and I, she’s a lot more calm and less badly behaved and she has mellowed out over the past year (she’s a little over 2years). You can reduce the occurrence of some bad behaviors by removing her from the situation. You said she’s most aggressive when you guys are eating – buy a cage or lock her in a seperate room while you guys eat so she doesn’t have a chance to be bad. We put SO’s cat in her cage when she’s being really bad. After 15 minutes, a half hour, whatever, we let her out and she’s much calmer. I should clarify – she’s not terrified of her cage, it gives her extra room to either stand or change positions, and she actually goes in there to chill out on her own if we leave it out so it’s not torture by any means! Kinda like a time out for a small child.
Like PP said, playing with her for a half hour or so each day – even if it’s spread out 5 minutes here and there throughout the day – will wear her out so she has less energy and also increase bonding so she’ll want to please you more. Make sure you give her treats whenever she does act affectionate to encourage those behaviors, like rubbing up against your leg. Cats are definitely different than dogs so you may have to adjust your expectations but even the crazy ones can be great companions!
Post # 8
BurlapnLace: Cats are alot like people some people just aren’t snuggly or affectionate. I just got 2 kittens a few months ago and the male one is super affectionate and needs to be near me at all times while I do everything and sleeps right by my neck while the female one will lie with us but its more near the end of the bed and she is alot more shy compared to her brother. I think the idea from the other posters to play with the cat is a good one! My cats love playing and they seem alot more happier when me or my husband play with them daily. Oh and cats really dont listen to anything you say! they really just do what they please not mater what you try and tell them! lol
Post # 9
My FI is OBSESSSSED with her. It’s a big forshadowing into what parenting with him will be like. This morning, I picked her up to kiss her and of course, she got all nuts. Before I put her down, my FI sneezed, scaring her and she used my arm as a catapult and dug her nails in. She hurt me pretty bad, plus I was already annoyed, so I yelled some obscenity and stormed off to clean it. My FI went TO THE CAT to say he was “SORRY HE SCARED HER”.
I’m bleeding. It’s cool, though. I did get a “you ok?” from 2 rooms away.
He thinks the solution to our problem is another one. I sort of understand where he’s coming from, but I have no idea how she’d be around another animal.
Post # 10
My cat is a b!tch. Love her to death and she is like a child, but she can be awful. She refuses to let me nap and will attack my head. She’ll try to steal food when she can. At my ILs house, she’ll sink her teeth into the milk cartoons and spill it all over the place. But she can be a sweetheart and cuddle, even if she is bipolar. Cats, unlike dogs, take longer to develop a relationship but once they do I feel like it is more solid, unlike a dog who just loves everyone all the time.
When she acts really bad – like she had this phase of bitting my foot for attention – I would grab her and put her in the small bathroom for time out. She got the message that she was in serious trouble and it helped curb some of the behavior which was completely unacceptable.
Post # 11
Aww, I know how frustrating that can be. My aunt had a cat just like that – he did whatever the hell he wanted and he didn’t really like to be touched. He died when he was 4, but he never really changed. Cats have such strong personalities, so I guess there are just some that aren’t very lovey. He was treated like a king and he must have known that we loved him, but he just wasn’t interested in returning that affection.
What about getting a second cat? Then this one would have a playmate to help chill her out (tire out from playing) and perhaps the second cat can be your cuddly friend!
Post # 12
Cat owner here but no real advice… got an entirely different ‘problem’ with my cat – he’s super affectionate but he’s SO VOCAL. On a bad day he’ll meow once every 2 seconds, pretty much non-stop until we squirt him with water half a dozen times >.>
Cats hey! lol…
Post # 13
She’s only a year old. She’s still a kitten and still learning things.<br /><br />Some cats are dicks for the first few years of their life. She’ll calm down.<br /><br />As for cat scratches, it’s best if you just get used to them. You’ll bleed. It hurts. Clean them and move on — it isn’t something to baby or get sympathy for. Even the most well behaved cat will scratch you. Clip her nails and it won’t be so bad.<br /><br />Animals know when you don’t like them — Do you make any attempt to play or socialize with her? She isn’t going to be the “Sit down in your lap and purr” kind of cat for a very long time… if ever. Those kind of cats are usually 5+ years old.
Post # 14
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
BurlapnLace: My cat is also very agressive when we eat, so he gets put in our spare room when we eat.
If you’re looking for a cuddly cat I would highly suggest getting an adult cat, with a kitten you don’t know what they’re going to be like when they grow up (no matter what breed you get that’s known for having a great temperment) – you know what you’re getting with an adult cat.
Cats are definitely not dogs, they have more of a f*** you attitude in general. 😉 My cat has not changed much since he was an adolescent.
I agree with PP about working to bond with your cat through play, and if slamming your hand down doesn’t work to train him, maybe stop doing that so he’s not scared of you and more inclined to cuddle. And speaking of cuddling, let him come to you, don’t pick him up and expect love right that moment.
Post # 15
BurlapnLace: Cats had a lot of different needs that dogs, and it takes about a year or two for them to get out of kitten phase.
1. PLAY! Make sure that your kitten’s need to chase, hunt, and play are being fulfilled. Find a wand, ribbon, ball, or laser that it responds to, and dedicate at least 10 minutes (if not a ton more) to playing each day. This may be why she’s getting aggressive during mealtime, because it’s like a game of cat and mouse with you swiping back and reacting and her advancing in for the prize (food).
2. Reward good behaviour rather than squashing bad behaviour.
3. start training her that being around while you’re eating is not acceptable. Perhaps crate train, or put her in another room while you eat, and then reward her for not whining by playing with her afterwards and maybe giving her a treat. Yes, cats can be trainined, when you play to their needs.