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That's definitely tough. Some of the people that I went to school with went to a lot of presitigious schools and are going to be doctors which is crazy to me for sure. I haven't really met many people where I live now so I don't have any advice for building relationships there.
I an prioritizing getting married and having a family over other things. I don't second guess my decisions at all.
But we both work with kids and don't make much, despite each of us having a master's degree. so traveling is not really possible. we're putting off getting a house for a little bit to afford a super budget wedding (2k). We're waiting to have kids until we have a house and can afford day care. We are family people, who are happiest being together hiking or taking the dog for a walk.
But sometimes I'm envious that I didn't get to study abroad, or that for my school loans and degrees, i don't make more money and can't afford a house already.
HS friends from the past are the worst, sometimes dredge up the what if.. or you could just be genuinelly happy for them. I think you have accomplished alot..
Id be counting your blessings and dont feel miserable. You are happy! maybe they have great careers but miserable on the inside?
As for meeting new people. Network girl, network! there are some great all womens community groups or activities to be involved in. Never know if you dont join! :)
I might be on the other side of this...except that I didn't get to "see the world" as much as I'd like to. I've had an old HS classmate tell me and my best friend that we needed to be independent and be out on our own.
My best friend and I are from CA, and she's out in Philly and in her second year of med school at 24. Myself I stayed in CA but I'm also three days away from taking my master's exam. We both got our undergrad degrees "on time" and have been generally successful for our age, just haven't gotten to the marriage-house-family bit yet.
We did take slight offense to this classmate's comment and figured it might be a smokescreen to jealousy, but to each her own. I don't think there's anything to be jealous of about us. I don't see how anyone can be jealous of spending so much money on school...ahaha! Other words, on the surface it might seem like a better life but seriously...doesn't mean we've got it all.
I know I'm lucky. I have a great education and a good job. I have the best FI and greatest dog. I know I have a lot. It's a bad economy, and I'm very thankful for all I do have. And I've never (knowingly) pushed friends away.
I'm a little jealous at times, of those who seem to have it all. I think back to dreams i had of traveling abroad, joining the peace corps, or getting my PhD, and I'm a little sad that those things didn't happen for me. It's hard to see others who've done those things, especially people I used to know.
dont think about what they have that you dont, think about what you have that they dont. dont be fool, there are some people who create a happy life in facebook and they are actually miserable.
in my case is backwards, a lot of the people that i graduated with have a bunch of kids, didnt went to collage, had a divorce... stuff like that. my life is not perfect but i feel i have accomplished a lot.
dont worry be happy =)
Gosh I know how you feel. Seems like in the 3yrs since I graduated the majority of my classmates have gotten married had had children. I feel jealous because I was the first person to get engaged (I got engaged Feb of my senior year). The other percentage have went to these really cool universities. My best friend actually went to my dream school, it took me awhile to get over that, and I still struggle with it from time to time because I'd give a lot to go there and she doesn't always appreciate it. It sucks.
Making friends in a new city can be hard. I moved here in 2006 and it took me 3 years to meet people that I really connect with. Hang in there and good luck.
PS- don't look at Facebook too much. Also, people tend to promote and oversell themselves on these social networking sites.
I spend more time than I'd like to admit feeling jealous of other women- primarily my crazy ambitious and successful best friends from high school. The funny thing is, I've moved from Philly to LA, from LA to New York - with a fiance. I'm living the dream pursuing my career. But the reality is that my day job only pays $27K and I have high rent and I have absolutely no idea how to make anything legit out of my acting career. I'm a cliche :)
So I decided I want to go back to school to be a teacher and have a fulfilling, hopefully more stable life. And I realized in this decision, that I am so relieved to get out of the game and the working world for one year... Which means that my PhD friends who have been in school and on research jobs since high school have been able to avoid this all together and may be in for a shock when it comes to job hunting and the day to day working world once they graduate.
You've got a leg up on them all. I bet they'd be the first ones to tell you they're jealous of you too. It's how we are- it's how women relate. There's no wrong or right way to live your life so embrace it (and know that it's never too late to switch up your career or go back to school if that is something you've always dreamed of- but you're life is successful as it is too) <3
I went to a REALLY good school back in California. Everybody I know is starting non profit organizations, going to medical school, in law school, or doing something equally ambitious. Like, CRAZY ambitious. Some of these people, I read what they're doing and I'm blown away by what they've accomplished in their early 20's
But they're pretty much all single. Sure they may have traveled a lot and may be achieving a lot of things--but sometimes I feel like that's what you DO when you have nothing else to eat up your time. Of COURSE you're going to reach really high. You have the TIME to. And all you have to think about is yourself, right?
So....it is what it is. I'm content with my life and while I may not be having the education they have, I don't WANT it. If i wanted it, sure I'd go get it. But it'd mean prioritizing other things in my life. Hell, if I was single, I'd probably be on that route. But i'm much happier navigating life with my husband. And, if it makes you feel better....look at some other poeple you know. I bet they aren't as 'successful' as you are. I know i realize that when I look at a lot of people i went to school with here in Missouri....there are always extremes.
Aw. I know what you mean!
I have a "friend" from HS who is like that too. She's only graduated with her Masters for a little over a year and is currently teaching elementary school in NYC. She is forever traveling to Europe, Asia, within the States. Sometimes I get a little jealous but then I want to puke thinking about what kind of debt she must be in from school and traveling so much. I know most "young" people want to travel the world and we do too! But not at the expense of accruing insane credit card debts.
So when the pangs of oh man I wish I was seeing " " pass I'm happy that we have next to no credit card debt, a house we own, a puppy we love and getting married soon. None of those are things she has! And I'm happy in my career. Much happier that I have more real life working experience rather than a Masters which is useless in my field.
And we will be seeing Europe together in a couple months without accruing any debt!
I bet deep down those friends are jealous of you in some way too!
Who says doctors and lawyers and PhDs are happy? I mean really... There are so many more important things than your job. Your job should be what finances your life, it shouldn't BE your life, in my opinion.
I graduated with my law degree 2 years ago (good lord where does time go?) and sooooo many of my classmates are unhappy with their fancy jobs, and that is all they have. Ambition like that takes time and it comes at a cost. I have a less-impressive job but I'm home for dinner every night and I have almost all my weekends off. I wouldn't give up my free time for anything, certainly not more money or prestige.
I know what it's like too. My class (also a small rural HS in New York) produced an unusually high number of Ivy league students, including a good number of doctors, lawyers, and a lot have been able to travel al over the world.
Right now FI and I are a few weeks away from our wedding. I have a great education, but the loans to prove it, and we're also waiting a bit to buy a house and have kids until we are more financially sound. We've put off our honey moon for a bit as well, partly due to FI's work schedule. But we have great families, and we are happy together. Really happy. Our relationship is solid, and we are building our future together. I may never go back for a phd (i have a masters degree) and it might be a while before we travel overseas. 99% of the time that doesn't bother me. And when it does, i get a little down and envious of others I know who seem to have it all, but it doesn't last. Not when I wake FI up to go to bed and he says the funniest things in his sleep that make me laugh. Or when he snuggles right up to me and the happiness and contentment come flooding back. You have to make decisions and set priorities, and then go with it. It's not always easy, but I know that with my FI things will work out and we'll be happy.
I mean my ex, whom I was very serious with, is now living in a high rise in manhattan. He's making huge dollars, traveling, just married. But I know he's a very insecure and controlling person, and I wouldn't trade places in a heartbeat. There's good and bad to everyone's life, it's just not always obvious to those on the outside.
Remember what you do have, and how happy you are with your FI. You have a great job in a horrible economy, and there are a lot of people out there struggling these days.
It's also important to remember that you are still really young. Just because you haven't x, y, z yet doesn't mean you never will. You're doing things in a different order but if there are things you really want - by all mean make sure you get them at some point. Life goes on and gives us the opportunity to try out a lot of different stuff.
I can sympathize because I have similar feelings about something completely different. Various awesome people I know and like are about my age and have published books... in the genre I really want to write and sometimes I get so sad and jealous and discouraged even though I am super happy for them (and make sure to buy multiple copies!). I get really sad that I'm not even close to doing that but then I try to remember that... hey, life is long, if I want to I will, it doesn't have to be now, I'm doing other things now. Hope that helps.
I think people have different priorities at different times. I'm on the other side. I'm not married yet, don't have kids, am about to buy a house, have a Master's degree, travel(outside the US) and am debt free including student loans. My high school classmates are married and have been for at least 7 years (been outta high school for 11yrs!) have kids, some with multiple dads and didn't go to college or are divorced and remarried (at 29!). I think maybe they probably wish they had went to college I did, and I can't wait to be married to my SO and have kids like them.
I'm glad I went the route I did and they are happy about the route they took. I wouldn't trade my life for theirs for nothing in the world. I'm glad I met my SO at 27. It gave me time to enjoy myself and do things JUST for me. I still do things just for me, but it's different
I also agree with Corgitales. A job is not all someone is, even though in American society it's the first thing someone asks when they meet you. Weird.LOL
Should sit down and count your blessings. Focus your mind on where things are going in your life, and I'm sure you see you accomplished amazing things too. Could maybe make a plan on what you want to accomplish later on, and focus on that.
Another thing, try to get too tie up on visiting other ppl page on fb. Things often seem more glamourized than they actually are, it would be a shame to get caught up in that.
I promise you this
A frequent topic of conversation when all of my female dental school classmates and my female med school friends would get together over the last four years would be how 'behind' we felt in life. Working your ass off in college and professional school leaves little time for---EVERYTHING else. I lost touch with nearly everyone who was not in my day-to-day life. Furthermore, I would constantly look at HS and college friends with husbands, babies and panic that I could actually HEAR my biological clock ticking. With the enormous popularity of Facebook, these fears just became magnified.
I am 26 and it feels like I am just now finally going to start my 'real' adult life with the wedding. Unfortunately, I have a mountain of student loan debt, and in the next couple of years also want to buy a house, start a practice and have a baby. It can be very overwhelming. I want to feel proud of all I have accomplished, but again-looking at others can always give you something to judge yourself by.
I promise you there are friends/acquaintences who look at your life and feel the same way you do about yours. We all need to just celebrate the lives we are living, gosh darn it! Life is too short to sweat the small stuff!!!
@Miss Iowa: I think I am living your life (just a few years ahead!)
When I was in law school my good friends and I would always think about how "behind" we were in life. None of us was married, had children, etc. etc. We were just slaving away for law degrees that we may or may not have actually wanted :$
@ Mrstilly: Don't look at your friends to see what you don't have...Look at your own life and focus on all the great stuff/accomplishments/family/love you DO have! I guarantee you that all of those highly accomplished peeps from HS feel something is missing in their lives too. It's hard to have it all. We all make our choices. Be happy with yours :)
I have done some taveling, but not a lot, however I do have my Master's degree and to be honest with you...I have always felt that pang of jealousy with my high school friends who have been married for a little while and already have children!
I have wanted to be married and have a baby so badly, and I was really getting discouraged and thinking that I would never meet the right person. I am older than I would have liked to have been getting married, and I will be an older mother which was not what I wanted.
@MissIowa, I can completely identify with your startement about Facebook...I felt the same way! I would see all my friends with their happy lives with their family and beautiful children, and feel like I was really behind the curve. As pathetic as this sounds, my best HS friend and I swore we wouldn't go to our 10 year HS reunion this coming fall unless we were at least engaged.
I too have a mountain of student debt, and I will be 2 months shy of 30 when I walk down the isle. I also feel like I haven't begun my adult life. Wow...this is sounding really whiny...I am very happy that all this is happening to me now, I just feel like I have waited so long!
Reading your post reminded me that everyone sees things differently.
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So I graduated with a particularly ambitious class of students from a relatively small HS. I had some friends from other schools as well. I've lost touch with many of them in the 8 years since we graduated. Well, leave it to facebook. In the last week or so, I've caught up with about a dozen or so friends/close acquaintances from HS.
A lot of the kids from the grade above us and below us stayed in the area, got jobs, and had kids. But it's odd, that in my class, so many have traveled the world, gone to ivy league schools, and somehow seem to be living a lush life, despite the current economy. My best friend from grade 8 to 11 is living only 45 mins away and is getting her PhD. Partly I wish I was better at keeping in touch. Partly I'm envious of their schooling and travels.
I'm happy with my life. I have the man I've wanted after 5 years of being apart. We are so happy. I love my in laws. We are pretty simple people. I have a great family, the world's best dog, and I'm getting married in 6 weeks!
I really should try harder to build connections in my new hometown instead of being jealous of people I don't even know anymore, but tonight I guess it's just hit me hard. I'm not good at making friends, so I tend to think about past friendships a lot.