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HUGS!!! I'm so sorry. Definitely do the math, and consider the amount of effort/stress you're going to be putting in to making all the food yourself (how are you going to serve it, replenish it, clean it, etc?) if it's still better than paying for the catering at a place you love, then I would say change the venue. I"m sorry I don't have better advice than that, but hang in there and keep your spirits up!! You guys will figure this out!!!!
sunshine - sorry i didn't see your post yet!! Thank you for the advice - I just can't believe the stupid food is what my whole wedding is revolving around right now!!! I'm sure we will figure it all out though.
what about catering just hor dourves?? do any of your places let you do that?? that might be more budget friendly?
Why don't you go back to the venues you loved and find out what their cheapest catering option is? Do any of the venues offer customizable plans? Do you have any idea where your final guest list will fall between 100 and 150? You may be able to get some sort of discount there too.
Heavy hors doeurves is already what we were planning on doing LOL. I think we will just rob a bank next month. That should solve everything hahaha. Maybe I will just call them back and be like look - we have this many people, and this much money - can you make something happen with that? "Yes ma'am. 3 shrimp and 2 crackers per person." OK I'm just rambling stupid crap now!!!!!!!!!!! I'm becoming delusional. 
hahahahahaha
I agree with the other posters. Go with a venue you like and be creative with the catering. Just desert, or just appetizers, or maybe brunch.
My BFF was going to get her family to do the food at your backyard wedding and it actually turned out to be cheaper to hire an outside company to do it! So I would definitely do your research before ruling out your fav venues!
Good Luck!
100-150 people sounds like a lot to feed DIY to me. It would be really stressful to me to have people who are guests (even if they are family) have to kind of work at my wedding. But you know your situation- they may be really happy to do it and completely capable!
I think trying to DIY food AND sacrificing on your venue would just cause heartache and stress in the end. :(
Have you checked with local cooking schools? Locally owned restaurants? Advertised in church bulletins looking for that lady who caters out of her home for cheap? Craigslist?
We too are on a budget, and also have a sizable guestlist, but I figured out I can do an awesome spread of soups and hearty sandwiches, with sides and soda, through our venue's catering for just $13 a head (typical catering costs are $30-45 a head where I live). It means we have to have a lunch reception, but that's okay with me ~ we've already had to cut out alcohol for cost reasons, so I don't think it would be too rockin' a party anyway, haha.
My FH and I are paying for our wedding as well and weddings are ridicuolously expensive.
We opted to have less guests we are only inviting 60. This has meant we can have our reception at a fantastic venue with great food.
I was worried at first that people may be offended but then I realised if you only invite a small amount because that is all you can afford, people do understand.
In our situation we felt that our guests and ourselves would probably have a better day if the food and the venue were quality as opposed to having all extended family and friends that we rarely see at a lesser venue.
Everyone has different ideas though, but it might be an option...
We are paying for ours as well and have a limited budget ($5k) and FINALLY, after months of searching and disappointment, found a venue that we both love AND allows outside catering. The place was off the beaten path, and most have never heard of it, so it took me about 6 months into a one year engagement to find it and I was just as frustrated as you are. So I know exacty how you feel. When I finally found the place, I only had 6 months left to plan the wedding.
Okay, so we finally found the place of our dreams and can afford it (yay!) but after researching all of our options, we came to the same conclusion - we can't afford to cater. So we decided to do a dessert buffet with other stuff like fruit, cheeses, cubes of bread with rosemary olive oil, etc. We are catering it ourselves (With some help from friends and fam on the baking/arranging side) and we have about 100 people to feed. The cost is SIGNIFICANTLY cheaper (for us - Atlanta is stupid expensive) and without this, we would have had to charge the catering (we didn't want any debt for the wedding) and I wasn't happy with any caterer I spoke with. We're going for an Amy Atlas style for our buffets, starting the big show later (7pm ceremony) and worded it correctly in our invitations, plus posted it on our website, along with restaruant recommendations in the area. Everyone has told me they're really excited about it, because they've never been to anything like it before.
I will say that it has come with it's share of obstacles, though. No catering = no plates, etc. Yup, we're using the nifty "real look" disposables. You have to work within your means... and that fit mine, and I'm okay with it. Since my wedding is all geometric and modern, I bought the white square and triangle plates that look retro. No catering = no one to clean up, bus tables, etc. I hired a friends mom and a friend of a friend to bus tables, replenish the buffets, light candles, whatever needs to be done.
So you CAN DIY it - especially with the help of friends and family. But it does make it harder - both logistically and mentally (stress) in some regards, and easier in others (cost). I can't really offer advice on the venue, but I can on DIY - you could do huge bowls of salad (2-3 different kinds), bread and rolls, baked brie with fruit, a fruit display, a crudite, a dessert buffet with several cakes and pies or cupcakes, tea sandwiches, a gourmet olive display. tomato, mozzerella and basil skewers, etc. It doesn't have to be full meal type stuff. Like you said, all things that can be refrigerated and pulled out during your ceremony. I don't know if that was any help at all, but I wish you luck with everything!
I was a bridesmaid for a close friend this past weekend. She did DIY food.
It. Was. A. Gigantic. NIGHTMARE.
Stuff was forgotten, or put in the oven at the wrong time. Just getting it all out on the buffet and then cleaning up afterwards was a nightmare of epic proportions. My fiancee also helped out, and neither of us got to enjoy any of the reception at all -- we both spent all of our time preparing the food or cleaning up after it. And we were just two of a dozen people who could all say the same thing. My poor fiancee ended up taking about 20 Advils over the course of the day because his body hurt so bad from the 15 hours of constant motion...
After witnessing DIY food first-hand, I wouldn't go anywhere near it. I'd do hors d'eouvers or ethnic buffet or Boston Market catering (if winter) instead.
Good luck!
o0oh, lady! I'm with Mz. Puppie- Do. Not. DIY. Food. I thought about it, too, as a way to save money, but even with my small guest list (40 people) there's just no way that I could have pulled it off without a major meltdown. Good luck! I know you'll find a great solution!
DIY food is just going to cause you stress. Something that you don't need when you're getting married. If for some reason you're unable to afford any type of catering that has been mentioned above, you may want to look at cutting the guest list.
We searched and searched and searched until we found a venue that would allow it...they're out there, but it may take some serious searching.
We're doing our own food....our guest list is 275 people....wedding at 5pm, buffet style dinner at reception immediately following. We're doing two heavy meats (porkloin and cheese suffed turkey breast), cresent rolls, cheese mashed potatoes, spinach salad, spinach dip, artichoke dip, and a tomatoe bisque soup.
We're having a dessert/fruit table.....fruit and cheese, cheesecake bites (Sam's-so good and sooo cheap), my mothers polvorones (mexican cookies), and chocolate bon bon things
And then the cakes.
Some may think we're crazy but his mother has huge parties all the time and we already have all the chafing dishes, the salad and potaotes are super cheap, and we got a great deal on the porkloin 48lbs for $100.00, we're going to cook them and turkey is pretty reasonable. His brother is making the dips about a wk before and freezing them. And the tomatoe bisque is already made in these HUGE tubs at Sams...and it is AMAZING. The fruit is coming from Sam's too but that will probably be the most expensive since the wedding is 01/02 and it will be out of season.
We were quoted $3700 for a caterer, we're only spending $900 on food by doing it ourselves.
Okay hire someone! My brother's wedding and RD was the biggest burden ever. Just a little background: my Dad owned a catering company and myself and aunt worked for him. Even we were worn out afterwards.
First the RD. We did an Italian themed outdoor dinner for 80 people. We served bread, salad, fruit/cheese display, cake, and two pasta dishes to choose from. The pasta dishes we bought from a local Italian food place because that's my brother's favorite. But everything else we did including drinks. My aunt, myself, FI, MOB, MOG and step-Dad worked all day that Friday on preparing the food and drinks. None of us had time to go get our pedi-cures. When it was all said and done we spent 3500k on food/drinks for 80 guests and we were exhausted that we didn't get to sit down and enjoy our meals with our family/friends. My aunt, FI and my mom's BFF served the food/drinks during the party.
Second. My uncle who is a butcher cut up all the fruit and cheese for the fruit and cheese display at the RD and the wedding. This took him two full days. He even had the MOB helping him on Day 2. We only saved $100 doing this ourselves vs having the venue do it. Not to mention my mom had to go and buy all the fruit/cheese, store it for 3 days and transport to the venue.
Third. We did the chocolate fountain and fruit, pretzels, etc. Not too hard because we just opened bags and put it on the display. But still mom had to buy and transport. No money saved here.
Lastly. We did the alcohol ourselves for the wedding because it was suppose to save them 2000k. My dad and I spent one afternoon buying all the beer, wine, set-ups and alcohol. We then had to chill somethings and transport to the venue. We ran out of everything 2 hours into the event because we had 50 more people show up un-invited. My FI and cousin left the wedding and went to the store and bought more beer and wine. After the second round of buying I dont' think we saved any money.
I can't tell you how exhausted my entire family was after that wedding. My FI and I decided that our families including the aunts/uncles/cousins would not be doing any work at all for our wedding. Of course they will do the normal wedding tasks such as load wedding gifts at the end of the night. But no food/drinks! The little money saved was not worth the backing breaking work we did.
If you're set on catering yourself, have u tried looking at a variety of venues? Local & state & national parks (with a clubhouse), picnic area, city/town hall, old mansion, community centers, somebody's house, somebody's barn?
I should add that we looked at a lot of venues here in Houston and didnt' want to spend the amount of $$ on venue/food/drinks. So we decided to look outside of the Houston area and found our venue that the rental fee was 3xs cheaper then the Houston venues thus allowing for us to spend our $$ on food/drinks. You might try looking outside of the big city venues.
oh my goodness, figure out catering. Get a $99 jcrew dress on clearance, wear shoes from DSW with 2 coupons from the sale rack, whatever. Imagine having to coordinate each of the family members that is cooking for you. Then coordinate the timing of when the food comes out. then having to figure out how they're going to get there, plates, silverware, etc etc etc. It's so much more of a headache than i think you realize. I would never dream of it, unless doing a backyard or other kind of very informal outdoor wedding. Even then i'd still get it catered! I would rather serve a GIANT tray of Chic fila nuggets and jugs of iced tea than have to even give that more than the amount of time and energy of picking the menu. I am shuddering just thinking of this, despite the fact that i'm steaming at my own venue/catering today.
Just out of curiosity where have you all looked at venue-wise? I'm in Roanoke too so I'm just wondering. Also I know its not like the hot catering company in town but I know Kroger does some of this stuff and it may be a less expensive option. I'm not sure since I haven't really looked into it but they could probably handle hor dourves and it would certainly be less stressful.
I've been to plenty of weddings where went "cheap" on the food with some really good classic stuff like gourmet sandwiches, Famous Dave's catering, local family owned cafe catered and they were all delicious.
i think all of those would be great if you wanted to serve more than appetizers.
Definatly try and Cator if @ all possible. I would check & see what their cheapest catering is at the venue your intersted it. Honestly; doing your own food will not be ALL that much cheaper. It is expensive to try and feed that many people. It is definatly a lot of stress on the family to do it also. Even if they volunteer; if they haven't done it before it will be a lot of hard work. I had a cousin who was considering doing the food themselves & after they priced it the difference was only about $500 (I know that's still alot of difference). Considering the stress they saved though; was worth it!
Wow guys. Thanks for all of that. I think reading some of those horror stories has changed my mind a little bit. We'll figure it out for sure. I think I was just having a "moment" last night. LOL
@designerbee: You're in Roanoke!!!!!! OMG!! Do I know you?? LOL And where haven't we looked, is the question. The Jefferson Center, Valhalla Vineyard, Boxtree Lodge, Lochhaven Lake, Metamorphosis, my backyard LOL, ummmm...The Wyndham or whatever it is now, that's all I can think of right now. Where are you getting married?
Ours almost ended up being in the same bind, and we were able to talk to some places about fiancee being a chef and not really having a need - due to our cooking families - to have it catered. They ended up letting us do it as an exception, but in the end, we picked a place that allowed us to bring our own.
So, maybe it can come down to some negotiating - we did have to pay a small fee to bring in our own food, but the money we're saving by doing it ourselves is definitely worth it.
LOL, I doubt we know each other. I've been totally sucked into FI's world here since he was totally born and raised in Roanoke. He still has all the same friends he has had since like kindergarten. And I work for a tiny little ad agency downtown so my social circle isn't all that large at this point. Kinda weird after graduating from tech where I knew tons of people.
We are getting married at Santillane in Fincastle. I'm trying to figure out how to stay calm about an outdoor wedding when I can't predict the weather. I love the idea and I'm comitted to it but I'm a total control freak 
I like them because they don't require anything, we can use our own caterer, drinks, etc. and seem pretty laid back so I can make all my own plans. We looked at a lot of places too but they fit our budget and style.
@designerbee: Wow small world. I work in marketing and work with other freelance designers in town, and ad agencies, and photographers. If I don't know you, I SURELY know someone who does! LOL
And I worked at Tech before I work at my current job - went to school at Radford. I'm from Covington so I have to pass thru Fincastle every time I go back. A friend of mine had actually looked into having hers there (and on your date!) LOL, but ended up going with another place.
And yeah, see that whole outdoors issue is huge for me. I won't even consider any place that has outdoor space only. I'm just way too scared and stress out so easily that I'm just gonna spare myself from that altogether. 
If you stress easily I would say that staying far, far, away from DIY food is a good bet. Be aware, too, that scrapping a caterer means you're also going to have to take charge of all set up and breakdown activities, as well as arrange for the pickup and dropoff of rentals. Caterers are usually responsible for that stuff, and it's a LOT to think about on the day of. As a non-industry member, you may also face steep rental charges for chairs, tables, etc.
Also, as an aside, the venues aren't trying to make life difficult or line the pockets of local companies; the catering companies are likely bonded and have liability insurance to cover any damage to the premises, whereas private individuals generally don't. It's not unreasonable for the owners of a newly renovated country club to want the folks setting up tables, decorations, etc. to be able to pay for, say, a shattered chandelier.
My advice would be to do major guestlist surgery if at all possible, or schedule the ceremony to end at approx. 5:30. That way your reception can be a cocktail hour with nice drinks and some sweets.
FutureMrsWalker, you sound just like my girlfriend did in the months leading up to her wedding... Her fiancee works at a restaurant and the owner of said restaurant is a groomsman, owner-guy has us covered with food/linens/chafing, it'll be easy, we'll have these various dishes....
And in the end her spread ended up being less than half of her original vision in both variety and quality. She envisioned a pie buffet plus cobbler for dessert, but reality ended up being only two pans of burnt cobbler. And instead of friends having fun dancing at her wedding, most of her favorite people were spending their time hustling things out of the oven or tearing down tables.
I'm just sayin. It was really awful. I would hate for anyone else to go through that if they didn't have to.
MzPuppie...I understand how it can become a disaster....That's why we hired people to serve everything and refill the chafing dishes. All the DIY cooking is being done days prior to the actual reception. His brother is a chef and took off the whole wk prior so he and FMIL can prepare everything. If it weren't for the annual Christmas parties I've wittnessed her host then I'd prolly feel uncomfortable about it...But every yr she pulls off a huge Christmas party for over 200 people, so I feel ok about this.
But yes, hiring someone to do everything, cater the whole event would be much less stressful...but also much more expensive.
Unless you have a caterer in your circle of friends and family, I'd say to NOT DIY it. It sounds extremely risky. Try to budget the food other ways, or if you haven't thought of this, cut down the guest list. We don't have a high budget, either, and we are only having under 100 people (and actually hoping not everyone will show lol) Figure out how much your budget for the reception is and if it's even feasible to cater to that many people even at a very cheap price.
Is your wedding day time? evening? Find a venue that doesn't require venue fees, like a restaurant or hotel, etc. Do a dessert only, non-alcoholic reception.
My fiance and I are getting married at our house in Blacksburg. We're providing our own food, however we're having Blue Ridge Catering do the grilling (with their 6ft grill, wow). They'll also be doing set up, serving (buffet), and clean-up. We'll have 2 chefs and 3 servers/helpers and their prices are very reasonable.
Just curious...where all have you looked as far as venues? I may be able to suggest a few more south of Roanoke that are typically more budget friendly.
I come across this all the time at work. I'm a caterer, and I run a banquet hall that we put back on the map when we arrived 5 years ago when the last food service company left. Since the downturn in the economy, so many people are asking to provide their own food and just use the hall, bar services (it's a must Fri-Sun) and rent the kitchen. Let me let you know why banquet halls don't let people use their kitchen:
1) You're not licensed or insured - Sure, you may know how to cook, but when it comes down to someone getting sick or an accident occuring, you need to be licensed & insured.
2) Clients/Helpers are usually too exhausted after the event to clean up the hall and kitchen well. Tasks are always left for the banquet hall staff to do, and that's labor that they didn't get paid by you for.
3) Stealing - If there is equipment or anything not "nailed down", it "walks away". Commerical kitchen equipment, utensils, etc is expensive - they're the hall/caterer's investments. Most of the time it's just someone helping out in the kitchen, and something gets packed up accidently, but it's usually never returned or you hear "we don't have it".
Now - if you're trying to save money, but also have a nice wedding/reception - here are some tips from many years of experience:
-Make sure there's something for everyone to drink that they don't have to pay for (especially in the warmer months). I can't tell you how many weddings/events I've done that had "cash bar only" and the guests left after they ate and got their piece of cake because they were thirsty. You paid all this money for a wedding, but your guests are leaving because they are thirsty? If you're going to plan something nice, they plan it nice.
-If you're going to have a cash bar, at least give your guests the heads up. If your guests need to bring money for anything, you need to tell them so they're prepared. It's a good idea to add a non-alcoholic beverage fountain to go along with a cash bar so that there is something for the guests, and it's not very expensive. Opt for specialty drinks to jazz it up or stick with iced tea or lemonade favorites.
-If you're trying to save money on the food, choose inexpensive items and go with buffet-style. Buffet-style requires LESS LABOR. Inexpensive items: Pasta dishes, Chicken Dishes, Vegetable/Starch/Potato Sides, etc. If it contains red meat or cheese or seafood, it's more expensive.
-Appetizers: They cost more! The smaller the food, the more you pay for labor and you'll need more of the appetizers than you would for a dinner buffet because you're guests are hungry! Opt for hot dips like Spinach & Artichoke Dip with Tortilla Chips instead of Spicy Chicken Wings. Go with 1/4 oz Swedish or BBQ Meatballs instead of Pepperoni-Cheese-Crackers.
-If you want to save money, then opt for dishes that are in sauces or baked together in a pan that will require a spoon or something like that to serve it with (i.e. Baked Macaroni & Cheese, Kielbasa & Sauerkraut, a chicken dish in a cream sauce with mixed vegetables, etc). Once you get into "per person" pieces of any menu item, it will cost you more. Sliced Hot Roast Beef for sandwiches will cost you more than Yankee Pot Roast. The Roast Beef is all meat for that menu item - the Pot Roast has vegetables and potatoes with it so it's only 1/3 meat.
The most important thing to remember is that you are getting married and you're sharing this moment with your family and friends. If you're going to do that, at least make it worth all the trouble of planning the reception. You're spending the money to plan this.. make it something you can look back on and be proud of and remember fondly.
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OK bees, I really need some advice here. FI and I are paying for our wedding by ourselves, and I'm just convinced that we cannot afford to have it catered. FI's family - aunts, cousins, etc. - have volunteered to do make all of our food for us. So we were just going to do things that would need to be refrigerated or served at room temp. so we wouldn't have to cook anything at the venue.
Here's the thing. The only venues that we really like - none of them allow you to "cater" yourselves. The venues that will allow it are the ones we aren't really feeling. We have looked everywhere, so I know there isn't one we love that allows it that I just haven't found. And the one place I was hanging my last hope on, I just found out they don't allow it either. And now I'm just, ugh I'm so frustrated!!!!
We are looking at 100-150 guests. Just wondering if anyone else was in this situation, and what you did? Does DIY really save as much as I'm thinking it will? Ugh, this sucks!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it all depends on the food, which is the least important thing to me. I would be fine with ordering 100 pizzas!!! I'm so over planning right now.