Post # 1
I am really struggling here and hoping a Catholic bee may help me with my reasoning. FI and I would like to have a Catholic wedding at our church but we are unsure of which to choose for the following reasons.
1. My whole family are not Catholic and mum is very much against Catholicism.
2. Most of FI’s family including myself are Catholic and would be upset having a ceremony without mass.
3. We do not want the ceremony to go for too long due to my anxiety (I feel very nervous standing in front of a lot of people).
4. Mum’s family are against communion and have voiced that they would be extremely uncomfortable if they must watch us taking it.
We were told we could have our ceremony with just the vows and nuptial blessing, but I am unsure if this is a good way to go or if we will really regret not having the mass. Please help us!
Post # 3
My my whole family and myself are all Catholic. I actually was the only one in my family that wanted a mass. My FI and his family are not Catholic. I chose to go with no mass because if my family who is Catholic didn’t want to sit through mass I know noone else would. They all stated they wanted to see the vows and go straight to celebrating! But if your FI and yourself want mass I say go for it! It is y’all’s day after all! 🙂 I hope that helps!
Post # 4
@Future_MrsE: Thank you so, so much for your reply. I am feeling torn about this too because both ceremonies are lovely and I do have a lot of family that would probably appreciate us not having a mass, but the mass is beautiful. So hard to decide and I have been praying about this for weeks now.
Post # 5
This is your day. And you do need to decide what is best for you and your FI. I have spoken to a priest and a deacon since my FI is catholic (I am not) and they both suggested against making half a family sit through a ceremony that they could not participate in. Mind you, that I am the protestant half of this relationship and so I do have that bias, but I do think it is more respectful to not exclude your family — you are adding a new family unit, not cutting ties and the ceremony should mirror that.
Post # 6
@MrsDogMama: That is very true and I am taking that into account. 3 years ago before I met FI I was Christian (not that Catholics aren’t Christians lol) at a more modern protestant church and going to mass was weird for me and a little startling at first because it is very traditional. I don’t want our guests to feel uncomfortable but just the fact that I am Catholic now bothers my family, so I’m not sure how to go about this because for them it won’t be great either way.
I do believe that it would be uncomfortable to be on the other end and be excluded from going up and taking communion. I’d love to have a mass without communion but not sure if it is possible at my church.
Post # 7
My FI and I are having full Catholic mass. Both of us were raised Catholic and we both attend mass weekly and participate within our respective churches. That being said, I think that you need to do what is best for you and FI. If you will be converting to Catholicism, you might want to consider doing full mass. If you will not, you may want to consider getting married outside of a Catholic church. The church where my FI and I will be married states in the wedding packet: “Now we come to the service itself. Do you want a ceremony or a Mass? If you are both Catholic, we encourage you to consider having a Mass. However, if one is not a Catholic, it is often more comfortable to have the ceremony only. The ceremony emphasizes the Word of God and the Exchange of Vows but does not include Communion. If you choose to have a Mass, please remember that there is no inter-communion between Catholics and members of other faiths.”
I hope this helps!
Post # 8
@sunshinewish15: I am Catholic. My FI is considering conversion, but grew up in an evangelical church. For this reason, in respect of his family, we are not having a Mass. We are both looking forward to attending Mass on The Sunday after our wedding together as husband and wife 🙂 There is no shame in not having a full MaSs. You will still have a sacramental marriage. Good luck to you.
Post # 9
We chose not to go with a mass. Most of my family is not Catholic and all of DH’s family is. We didn’t want to start our marriage off with something that would divide the family (only some of us being able to take communion) And make people uncomfortable. You are still just as married without a full mass. Also, I didn’t want it to be too long!
Post # 10
We did not have mass at ours. Our priest suggested that if around more than half our our guests would take communion, and if all of our parents would; that we should do mass. However, most of our guests were not catholic, and not all of our parents were either. Ideally, mass would have been nice, but it think it would be really weird for a lot of the guests, and weddings are about bringing people together.
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Dallas, TX
I’m not doing a mass. Too many of our guests aren’t Catholic even though both our parents are. For everyone who didn’t have a mass – about how long was your ceremony?
Post # 12
We chose not to do the mass. My family is Catholic, but FI’s family is not, and our guest list was split 50% Catholic, 50% not. We wanted everyone to be comfortable coming and being at our ceremony, and additionally not having a mass also cut down on the length of the ceremony.
I didn’t miss the mass at all. It was 100% wedding ceremony oriented which made me quite happy.
Post # 13
@kimmo416: Ours was like 35-45 minutes.
Post # 14
@sunshinewish15: We seriously have the exact same story.
1. My mom’s family is not Catholic. Neither are my brother or sisters.
2. FI’s entire family are devout Catholics (so are myself and FI)
3. I have lots of anxiety about being in front of everyone for over an hour
Overall, we decided to have a full Mass. This is mainly because of FI’s family. If it were up to us, we would have done a shortened service and attended Mass together the next day. Its not worth the argument/hassle though.
We did put on our website that everyone (regardless of religion) is welcome to come and receive a blessing during communion. I know sometimes people feel odd staying seated and we wanted to be inclusive.
Post # 15
We didn’t have a choice, the priest that us marring us will not do a full mass for a wedding. He said it makes people uncomfortable that are not Catholic and he would rather not do that.
Post # 16
We had a full mass for our wedding last November. We had debated what to do since the majority of our guests would not take communion but we decided to have it because it was important to us to take communion on our wedding day.
All my husband’s side are Cathlolic, most not practicing, and some of my mom’s family are Catholic. I would say 90% of my side guests did not take communion and probably only 25% of hubby’s side took communion.
Honestly, having the full mass adds only about 10 or 15 minutes but we were so happy we did it. Our ceremony was just about an hour. This will really depend on your priest too. Our priest did a pretty lenghty homily that was geared towards our group being non-Catholic, so he explaned a lot of the traditions and meanings of the various parts of the ceremony and mass. Our guests said they really enjoyed the ceremony because the Father Galeana made everyone feel comfortable and ensured everyone knew what to do and when (our bridal party was very nervous!)
And don’t worry, you sit most of the time, you aren’t just standing up there the whole time at the altar. I think you should consider what is important to you and your husband, there is nothing wrong with either option.